u/TheFailedTechie

i was a top IT earner in top countries of the world earning 8 lakhs a month. I had been fighting daemons in my head since childhood due to extreme family trauma, Then break up in covid, then isolated overseas, started trading and lost over 7-8 crores in trading and destroyed my life. I still owe over 2CR spread across. been a month i quit everything, whatever leftover family I have has given up on me since they know my screws and financial destruction is not fixable , they will rather be happy to hear I am dead. Have no one and and I have been roaming around streets of Kolkata and been homeless as Kolkata was the cheapest flight, Haven't brushed or taken bath since 2 weeks and scared

I have tried to end life multiple times and this time I might go for it as at least it will send a message that I wasn't a bad person just a messed up isolated boy who couldn't handle trading addiction and had no one to talk to. all the people in my life were so fond of me when I had money to shower on them

If someone else would have told me this story definitely anyone would tell to start from zero and build up but I would always be a runner and would die in fear what things of my past would come up. the kind of debt I have would not let me live.

it's Unethical to ask this but is there a way I can leave all out and start with a new identity, I am even okay to go to Nepal and build myself up again freelancing In tech, I don't have any money to I do not want to die, I am writing this from footpath with a condition worse than a beggar. I had everything and now I am not just at zero but at minus

I appreciate if don't give me hate as I am not in mental condition to handle anything as I lost my career, loved ones, myself. help if you think you know a way out even though this is illegal, and I am posting in a legal advice group, the burden in my head will kill me

I am the worst of gamblers out there available.

I am done with begging for money and food. I am just here to ask us why and and what cost we got into this addiction. Just couple of days and I will be either dead or on streets. My mind, Body and nerves cannot handle this extreme pain

Thank you for being such a nice community to listen to addicted people. I am beyond repair and no goodness in chats is going to help to fix the situation and darkness and hopeless in me.

Was born in a destroyed family, build myself up with extreme hard work anyone could imagine. Tutored to fund my education, Handled financial and mental illness in my family, Started from 200 dollar salary to 10K a month overseas, and then suddenly lost myself mentally and started extreme financial destruction which does not even make sense.

Been 6 years of my destruction and I went from a perfect marriage material extremely talented corporate person to a mentally unstable piece of financial destruction. I would gamble until no cents left even for rent, food, and then borrow and then even gamble that. I had no family wealth and I would have blown over 700K in trading in my life, I am in 350K debt right now. The situation is beyond repair due to kind of mess i am in. I had such beautiful people in my life available but never kept anyone close to me. I have gone days or weeks without food and water, slept on benches and in parks, begged strangers on reddit for some bread recently last week, because addiction pushes away everyone, stared at ocean for hours trying to jump, Whatever family is left would prefer a dead sibling over a gambler which is right of them

Buy why me and us? Why we couldnt fix us in time even after wanting it?
No one would understand this but i know i was a good person minus the money loosing addiction.

The consequences are worst than dying. Seeing everything you worked for since decades slipping away in front of your eyes. Loosing myself, mental health, everyone i knew, the career,
Do I even deserve to say i was a good person if i was not into blowing away money in trading?

I am almost at end of my destruction movie. Going office with unwashed falling of jeans because i havent eaten a meal since weeks. Brain is exploding every second.

This eats you until a point where money is irrelevant and every minute alive is a disgrace to yourself and painful

I know one thing, a gambler with a close family still has some chance even though very little but someone like me has no chance of seeing the sunshine once we loose it mentally. I have been here for many posts telling my pain, sometimes just venting out, but today i am here for anyone who is still at early stages of this financial destruction, get out before it draws you further. Else it is worse than you could think of or would have seen in movies. Its worse than death.
GET OUT IF YOU CAN! go to therapy, tell your wife, family, close friends but get rid of this monster. this can destroy best of souls to

Only Had a cup of noodles in last 5 days, Showed up at work handled with a smile like it felt like last friday, can feel nerves and felt like fading out multiple times. Sitting on roof of mall in a corner, when walking in I thought i would ask some stranger if could buy me a snack but i couldn’t because i felt i dont deserve due to financial destruction i did in trading. I am the same person who blew out 75K 2 months back and has 350K debt.

Just writing out to get some strength of not being alone.

Sorry for being such a looser, You can read my old posts if want to but i am still standing

My debt is is 350K. The consequences of my actions and blowing away money on trading has made me loose everything and everyone including myself. been questioning whether to fight or give up, body and mind has already given up.

If you are doing good in life and have some to spare and can do a grab mart order for some noodles will be okay, i dont remember when i ate last. Somehow standing and its going numb. I dont have even anything to travel to a possible place of free food if any. Have to keep the last 10 dollars to show up at work and keep the chances of me fighting the situation financially and keep myself and career alive.13 days before salary hits and goes. Trying to borrow is not in question,i blew over 75K last month and money scares me right now

If none, A well wish would be okay too. No one stays when you are falling down. Whether your actions affected them or not.

I wish people get addicted to liquor or lust or such limited impact addictions than loosing away hard earned lifes on screens and gambling

Here is my last post

https://www.reddit.com/r/problemgambling/s/XmtKWArdur

I am alive and i think its unfortunate that i am alive. I am M32 IT engineer working in singapore.

I have 325K debt now including banks, Institutions, People, Loansharks

I ran away over weekend after blowing away my salary and unable to pay 50K to loansharks, to kill myself somewhere, I do not have courage to die even though i keep saying it

People who were important to me before gambling embraced me have given up on me whether i owe them money currently , Have returned them already in past or even never borrowed them. I have been struggling in my head with trading gambling and isolating since 5 years. Family or friends i messaged not even ready to give me a place to sleep and getting so harsh messages in return like i dont care anymore if you die or atleast arrange me death certificate so that loan can be handled.

Over weekend i sold myself to a loanshark, who offered to pay immediate 55K debt to other loansharks in return of 150K over 2 years, 70% of my monthly salary and i came back to give myself a chance to have my career, chance to pay people back some day and stay alive which is still improbable as other debts will escalate

I am walking down 8 KMs crying because i dont have bus money, crushed jeans is falling over my legs because i have not eaten. People whom my actions have affected would only think that i am a lier and destroyed everything for money. May be I am and not admitting.

I am just writing because i am confused whether more pain and dreadful death is written for me or if i look away from gambling, Can i still get a sunshine. The mess i have made is improbable to be fixed. I had alreay made a police report to protect my employer earlier and once its gets worked on,i will loose in order to- my job, chance to pay people back, My family’s liveliness, My mental state and then eventually me anyway.

I cannot take this pain anymore. If there is a god, Please end this for me and take me up or give me strength to look away from my troubled mind and gambling trading. I am worst worst of the gamblers who trades away until the last borrowed dollar and then sleep on roads with no hunger. I was such a good soul, now hanging painfully from the death thread .

Please god, Take away this pain

M32 Hard earned childhood and career, Writing this as my darkest day and probably last day of my life.
Even though life gave me so many chances, the gambling daemon in me could not let me take them. I have had the most worst lows before, tried to kill myself, twice someone bailed me out. Last was just 2 months ago. I thought so disastrous would scare away the gambler in me forever but it didnt. I owe almost 250K including 50K to loansharks which i just borrowed this month at 30% per month and keep blowing away. Last night i walked into police station and told them harassment is coming for my employer. Work was all i had in my life and that is gone too. I have no one to go to, everyone i know from my past i have tried to borrow money and everyone hates me. My mother who relied on me for finances for old age home is going to collapse. Just 2-3 weeks back she cried to me over phone that whatever i am doing to destroy my life, please stop. I still did not.

I was the sweetest guy untill gambling embraced me 5 years back. I cant even say anymore that i was a nice guy as recently i caught myself smiling while trying to borrow money. Just yesterday i blew 10K of my last salary trying to make enough to payback the loansharks.

My dad destroyed our family wealth in gambling before dying and i did the same by debt and worse. I don’t even have a place to stay or money eat, leaving my work country to go and kill myself somewhere. Dont have courage to kill, Will probably self my work laptop and buy alcohol to get the courage.

I dont think i deserve to live. Even if taking life is not right, i dont think i can see the consequences of my disaster.

hello, just wanted to check for options where i can sit comfortably with my laptop for long hours. i dont need socket. Cant pay much

We are a telecom company currently impacted by GlobalSign certificate/root transition issues on older Android devices. From what I can read online, this is not just GlobalSign — many CAs like DigiCert, Sectigo, etc. are also going through similar transitions.

We temporarily moved to cross-signing to keep older devices working, but that vam only last for few more months due to CA and browser announcements to adapt to industry changes

The difficult part is that many of our customers are elderly users still using very old phones. Asking them to buy new devices or upgrade is not always practical or ethical.

How are other companies handling this industry-wide?

I am at NLB victoria street, working on my laptop and a lady (probably late 20s) came up saying her phone was dead and she urgently needed to make a call.
I handed over my phone for a bit. She first said she’d stand aside and call, but then sat opposite me instead. She kept saying she was “just messaging” and also kept trying to make random conversation with me, almost like distracting me.
Whole thing was probably under 5 mins. At that time I didn’t think much of it, but afterwards it started feeling off.
I checked my iPhone after and can’t find any calls/messages, probably deleted. Now I’m wondering if she was trying to do something else entirely, i cant even check for any last calls made in singtel, IOS device, what did i get into

Here is the background post

https://www.reddit.com/r/problemgambling/s/5QwqspFJ92

I just wanted to share with someone and since i don’t have anyone, I am writing here

I just handovered all my digital banks and related stuff to a friend who is going to try to take a loan and get me out of loansharks and get things in manageable state. The numbers on the excel sheet still look like a blood bath, it is going to take extreme discipline and luck but there is hope

I walked out after meeting them with 30 dollars cash, I have unwashed clothes since weeks, I had 3 meals in last 10 days only, 4 days without water, met death a multiple times in front of my eyes, tried to jump in ocean for one full night, the darkest you would imagine, I was giving a presentation earlier today to big corporate people with tore down jeans and shabby clothes, but I am still alive and I am grateful for that.

If life keeps the shine on me, i will never make any more mistake again, this is end to gambling, I request you to take a second and wish good for me as normally good doesn’t happen to me and i am out of people and goodness.

https://www.reddit.com/r/problemgambling/s/pESrcdXIBP
This is the post from 2-3 days before for background if you are reading this post

for 4 out of last 5 days i did not even drink water, forget the food, someone sent me 100 dollars to get out of bed 2 days back, I had forgotten that there was a pending charge in that account and it got deducted fully.
1-2 People who cared about me gave up on me as i did not do actions towards recovery last 2 months and escalated by debt to a stage that it became unmanageable , people who owe me wont respond even though i am on death bed
I have not had a a drop of water, my clothes are shabby since 3 weeks, i am in a box and every second feels i would be taken away by death. My organs are failing i think, the nerves are sharp and weak and feel the death, a friend in homecountry is there scolding me to ready too book a flight to go back to home country to any place but i have no home or anyone to go to even if i consider this but he wont help for a food order as he want me to give up fighting debt, I would die here but not run away, i can never be the one who could run away with peoples money and see my hard earned career being destroyed in front of my eyes the way i would never get it back

I quit gambling now but what was the cost, Organs failing, death approaching?
Anyone reading, just stop, i hope no one has to feel what i am in right now. I dont even know what parts of my body have given up

31M , 250k debt,

Been a week since my most dark relapse of tading addiction and loosing, loosing until to last money i could borrow because i know i am going to die

I tried to die but could not have courage to drown inwater with pain. A lot of debt is pay day loans at 30% interest

Here are my options right now:

1. Run away from the country i am working in

I cannot go to my family as they dont have money as curse me more when debt will trouble and harass overseas, it definitely will

2. End my life, i am hopeless that i can recover

I am not able to have the courage to die, i have been searxhing for painless options, i want to die peacefully

3. Do a illegal route to pay payday loans

One of the loanshark is offerrg to clear other payday loans but i have to pay him back 4x the amount over 1 year and give my bank account to him which he will use for scams and money laundering and i will eventually go to jail soon, i have never done anything illegal in life

4 take next salary and run away and vanish

There is no chance for me to exit my job proper workflow as kt requires 2 months and by then things will escalate, i owe money to colleagues, i would go to some remote place in my home country and survive a year or 2 but the guilt of my family being affected will kill me anyways. My family would wish i would have died than run away.

5 Try to negotiate with all, there are more than 20 entities including banks, lender, loansharka, colleagues

Atleast one od them will hit my office complaint surely and i will be terminated, then i womt even have salary money to suvive for a year

I am in a dorm right now, unwashed clothes, no food and water since 3 days, my voice is not coming out, darkness has taken over me,