u/TheSoilWhispererr

Where should I start? I feel like understanding what the hell these structural guys mean when they talk about slenderness ratio would be a good talk.

I’m Israeli/Jewish but grew up mostly in the U.S., and lately I’ve been feeling a lot of grief and guilt about the fact that I never served in the IDF and never saw combat. I know logically that most people don’t choose the exact circumstances of their life, but emotionally it feels like there was this version of me who was supposed to go to Israel, serve, be tested, and stand with other Jews in that way. Since I didn’t, I sometimes feel like I failed some basic test of being an Israeli/Jewish man.

I’m not some tough macho guy. I’m a smaller guy, more of a nerd/professional type, and even though I’ve dealt with hard things in my own life and rebuilt myself in other ways, this still hits a really deep place. It feels like I missed the thing that would have made me feel legitimate or useful. I know that may sound dramatic, but it’s honestly where my head has been.

For people here, especially Israelis or diaspora Jews who have dealt with similar feelings: how do you make peace with not serving or not being part of that world? Are there ways to serve, contribute, or become useful that actually feel meaningful and not like some consolation prize?

Hi all,

I am a 34 YO male...generally healthy. I have now had 2 miscarriages with 2 different women. One happened about 5 years ago with my girlfriend at the time, and she miscarried during the first trimester. I'm not sure about all the details as it actually occurred after we had broken up...sadly. I just know she told me she bled a lot and her OB said it was a miscarriage.

The most recent one occured with my wife. We were actually trying for kids. She got pregnant after a month of us trying..so we were ecstatic. However, she started having spotting at 6 weeks...and we went to the ER at 7 weeks. They said there was a gestational sac but no embryo (blighted ovum is what thats called from my research). Anyways...she miscarried that day after the ER, and a large grey tissue mass left her body. We are devastated.

I am now starting to worry that I may have issues with my sperm. Since I have had 2 miscarriages with 2 different women, I think that counts as a recurrent miscarriage for me. I haven't told my wife about what happened 5 years ago, and I don't think now is a good time to tell her. I'm just wondering if I should do something before we try again?

Apparently my sperm can swim far enough for conception to happen, but seems to be that a healthy baby can't emerge. Sorry if I sound uneducated on the matter. Been learning a lot the last few days.