16 months later - it will get better, once you accept that you cannot heal for them. Only they can decide to heal themselves.
I've been estranged from my parents since early June 2025. The last visit broke the camel's back. I've come a long way from the day I drove them to the airport, literally counting down the minutes until I could drop them off, low gas indicator be damned.
It took me until November 2025 to accept that my words couldn't reach my dad. He is structurally incapable of understanding my position given his own - a kind and well-meaning man of almost 70, married 35 years to a woman with a devastating personality disorder (undiagnosed, but textbook BPD with narcissistic traits). At this age, he is like a chained elephant who believes he is safest staying with his captor. It is truly depressing.
But along the road from parentified child to emotionally healthy (and finally liberated) adult - through the estrangement itself, EMDR, low-dose anti-anxiety medication, support from my husband and friends, books like Toxic Parents and Rules of Estrangement, and a lot of self-reflection - I finally understood: I cannot heal for him. Only he can decide to heal himself, and he is not in a position to do so. Not after childhood trauma at his own mother's hands, 50 years of alcohol dependence, and decades of what amounts to Stockholm syndrome.
So here's the point I want to share: you will be OK, as long as you accept this one truth. You can only heal yourself. Spend your time and energy there, and you're on the right path. Be compassionate with yourself. Take care of you - nobody else in this story is going to do it for you.