u/TheY0ungElk

We’ve been trying since last January. I was diagnosed with PCOS and severe iron deficiency anemia from an ER visit last March, where I was referred to gyno (then from gyno to a fertility clinic). We’ve been working with the clinic since August. One chemical pregnancy and a whole lot of negatives each cycle since then. I’m frustrated with my body, and I feel like a failure because it doesn’t work properly. I have some stress and uncertainty going on at work, which isn’t helping the situation at all. Have had many friends tell me they are pregnant/have seen that they are pregnant and I’m ashamed to say that I’m a little jealous and experiencing FOMO. We just bought and moved into our first home, which is honestly the thing that’s keeping me sane right now because I’m so in love with it and so happy we moved here. But even with that, overall I’m just feeling down. Blue. Bleh. My husband and I are just getting over being, so we had to cancel my Mother’s Day visit with my mom, and that has sent me over the edge because I really need her. We don’t live close to our parents and my mom cares for my grandma who is immunocompromised so it complicates things a bit. My husband wants to make me pancakes for Mother’s Day and celebrate me, but I told him that I’m not a mom so I feel a bit silly about that. He says that I’m still a mom to our fur baby, and we’re actively working on creating a human baby too, and that that is something to celebrate. Bless him for being so sweet and patient through my big feelings. He’s also being optimistic that “you never know, we’re mid cycle and we’ve done everything right, so maybe you’re pregnant right now.” My anxiety brain has made me think pessimistically about it, probably to “prepare” myself for the next negative, which I know is bad but I can’t control the thoughts. Who knows.

Anyways, rant over. Thanks for reading and allowing me to express my feelings. For anyone else who is struggling this weekend, I see you. You are not alone. Sending my love ♥️