u/The_Newt1212

I just got out of a relationship and needed a vent because I am still so frustrated.

As a masc I am so sick and tired of being treated like a man. It is so ridiculously dehumanising and harmful. The whole point of being a lesbian relationship is that you don’t have to subscribe to the stereotypes and tropes of a straight relationship.

I know I’m partially responsible for letting it go on for two years but I’ve finally realised that it hasn’t been fair. It’s been so damaging to have my feelings made fun of, and to be reduced to the “emotionless, stoic man” trope as a woman.

I have been scraping by and sacrificing so much to pay for dates, holidays, outings, etc. while she’s able to spend frivolously on branded bags and silly overpriced trends. Gifts, romance and thoughtfulness were expected from me, but not reciprocated because she got the “princess treatment”.

She would joke about me in the same way straight women rib on their boyfriends but it’s not the same. It wasn’t funny when I was extra affectionate and she’d ask what I wanted, like my love was transactional. Or her saying I’m scared of her, and that she wears the pants in the relationship. The whole idea of the bitchy mean femme vs the masc who is “exactly where she wants to be” isn’t funny when you’re on the receiving end of mocking belittlement. The kicker was when she wanted me to wear a shirt that said “my gf beats me” because her friend got one for her boyfriend.

It’s just so frustrating to be a woman who needs the same love, affection and support in a relationship but be denied it due to stupid patriarchal gender roles that don’t even bloody apply.

I(f) finally broke up with my girlfriend of two years. In a sub that’s understandably filled with a lot of bitterness from hurt people, I wanted to post what I wish I’d known.

As someone who’s experienced a healthy PMDD relationship shift to a toxic and abusive one, I think I can offer a different perspective.

When we first started going out she was taking steps to find solutions. Her luteal phase consisted primarily of irritable outbursts, hyper sensitivity and arguments that were resolved when she came down from her episode. We would heal and repair together in the aftermath. She would apologise, address the things she said, and provide reassurance that she loved me and didn’t mean it. I learned to be less reactive and understand how best to help her when she struggled. We would work through it together, and gave each other the love and compassion we needed to heal.

I supported her unconditionally because it was us against the PMDD, instead of her vs me.

Things changed about a year ago. She stopped working on solutions and her PMDD got infinitely worse. She became cruel, manipulative, vicious and emotionally abusive during her episodes. I became a cartoonishly exaggerated villain trying to bring her down every month. This caricature of me was used to justify her vitriol and mocking cruelty. If I brought up my hurt after the fact, I was trying to make her feel guilty for a medical condition. Any attempt at addressing her behaviour led to her flying off the handle because “how could I blame her if she can’t control it” and “why should she apologise when it’s not her fault”. My unconditional understanding and patience despite the hurt was taken for granted. Her expletive filled attacks on me, my family, my life and insecurities could never be spoken about after the fact. Any stress, grief or pain (god forbid a bad period) was compared to her PMDD and immediately dismissed. How dare I complain or ask for reassurance when she had to go through so much. A family loss coincided with a PMDD episode and I was belittled and mocked for my grief. My feelings as a whole became insignificant and irrelevant. There was no recovery, acknowledgment or repair after each luteal phase.

I want to make it clear that I understand how much women suffer with this horrible disease. They truly can’t control it most of the time and I can’t even fathom the mental agony they have to endure. Understanding and empathy are absolutely essential to be in a successful relationship with someone who has PMDD. It is a real and horrible condition.

At the same time, for a relationship to work the person with PMDD has to put in the work. They have to acknowledge that while they are the ones directly experiencing the symptoms, we also bear the brunt of it. Our hurt, frustration, and sadness has to be addressed after the fact. We need comfort and reassurance to heal. They have to understand and actually care about the damage they cause you, whether they were in control or not. So much of our time is spent suppressing our knee jerk reactions and feelings in order to support the woman we love, but that doesn’t means they are any less important or valid.

Honestly I do think a relationship with someone who has PMDD can be successful , but only if they’re willing to put in the work. If they don’t care about its impact on you, if they don’t take steps to manage it, and if they don’t try and repair the damage, run. It can and will destroy your sense of self, your sanity and your relationships. Regardless of the very real disease behind it, abuse is abuse, and the toll it takes doesn’t go away just because you know why it’s happening.

Please don’t listen to the (understandably) hurt people on here telling you that all relationships with PMDD are doomed to fail at your expense. But please make sure that the factors your partner can control to make it easier on you (and themselves) are being addressed, because the anguish of loving someone who hurts you without care will wreck you.

I’m absolutely fuming right now.

I’ve been updating my CV and sent it over to my dad to look over. Knowing how much I hate it, he decided to chuck the entire document into ChatGPT to rewrite it and sent it back to me. For context we have had many arguments about his reliance on AI, the dangers it poses to society and data privacy.

It has my entire education and job history (with dates), my personal email and phone number, my career and teen accolades, my personal interests, etc. I am so beyond frustrated. Even if he was going to use AI he could’ve taken 2mins to anonymise my personal data. There is only one person in the world who has had the education and job trajectory as I have and he has fed all my contact details INCLUDING MY HOME ADDRESS into it. His argument was that he submitted it to ChatGPT from his computer across the country, so it can’t be linked to me.

I am beyond furious. How do I explain to him the potential consequences of what he did without sounding like a raving lunatic?

And this is probably a stupid question but can I scrub or retract the information he submitted to ChatGPT?

Edit: I am not saying it is the end of the world. I am upset that my personal data has been shared with an AI corporation I do not trust and without my consent. I am asking for advice on how to explain the implications of this privacy breach. Additionally, my dad’s not a horrible person, just stubborn and misinformed, hence my asking for advice.

Me (f) and my girlfriend have been together for two years now and I almost ended it an hour ago.

It started off with minor arguments during her luteal phase until she explained her PMDD. At the time she apologised for her minor outbursts, took responsibility for the baseless accusations/insults/mistreatment and would cry about her fear of me leaving her over it. I would comfort her, tell her that I understood she couldn’t control it and reassure her that we would try various options together to find a solution.

2 years on it has changed dramatically. The minor outbursts/ arguments have turned into emotional abuse without any accountability or apology because “she can’t control what she does when she’s in her luteal so why should she have to apologise”. I’m expected to take all the hurled insults, personal attacks, cruelty and rage without reaction. I cannot be hurt or upset by how she treats me during her luteal because I know it’s her PMDD not her. I am not allowed to bring up what she says because I’m trying to make her feel guilty for something she can’t control. I’m minimising her disease if I imply that it is hard on me too. I can’t talk about my feelings because hers are more and worse. The list goes on.

To give context to the escalation , here are instances that have happened in the last 6 months:

- She accused of cheating on her with my ex after she fabricated text screenshots, screamed and cried and called me all sorts of vile things

- She called a sex obsessed pervert because I said she looked beautiful first thing in the morning

- She had a breakdown about her weight, threatened to starve herself and blamed me for it because “all my exes were skinny” so I must have a fetish (completely unprompted it was 5am and I was asleep)

- She made the day my dog died about her because my grief was a “burden” and she had enough to deal with

- She accused me of being overly attached to my parents because I was stressed about them being in a country that was being actively bombed

- She took 23 paracetamol pills and screamed insults at me while I begged her to be sick or go to a hospital over the phone (later blamed it on me for not being there in the moment)

- She got cartoonishly cruel during an episode and decided to “roast” me using all my worst fears and insecurities against me in between laughing and mocking me until I was reduced to tears when she called me pathetic.

- She went through my phone, convinced herself that my literal BLOOD RELATIVE cousin and I were having an affair

- Accused me, a LESBIAN, of having an affair with my male childhood best friend based off pictures from 2014

I am exhausted and so hurt. I love her so much. She is my favourite person outside of her PMDD and being with her truly makes me so happy when she’s herself. I cannot overstate how much she means to me and how much I truly adore her, but I am approaching my breaking point.

I just don’t know what to do with no accountability, no space or empathy for my feelings/ issues, and no repair after an episode. I don’t know if the examples are normal or if I’m being overly sensitive about a very real untameable disease. I feel like I’m falling apart. Please help