r/PMDDpartners

I recently started working with a nurse practitioner. We did my hormone labs and she has declared I am at the start of perimenopause. I am finding that my PMDD symptoms have been amplified in the last 6months to 1 year. Way more fatigue, way more mood swings, way more irritable, body aches, headaches and all of this has now become less predictable… it’s not just happening in luteal anymore!

I reluctantly tried HRT to manage the severity of my symptoms. I started a low dose progesterone and did not respond well to it. Apparently, this can happen with PMDD. The NP advised that some women with PMDD don’t respond well to low doses of progesterone but do respond better to higher doses. So after a break from the progesterone and feeling super shitty, I re-attempted at a higher dose. It felt like a light switch turned on over night! Literally OVERNIGHT I felt like myself again! My PMDD is SO MUCH BETTER. Way more manageable!

Sharing this in the hopes that it can help someone. Or maybe just be relatable. If you are finding that your PMDD is getting worse as the years go by, maybe it’s perimenopause compounding the PMDD!?!

All reflections welcome 💓

New to this group - new to reddit in general just trying to find some people that understand. I feel pretty alone in this because I don't want to bad talk my wife to any of my friends or family because I don't want them to judge her or build a narrative. So I've basically been stuffing a lot of these episodes outside of talking to my counselor and my wife.

My wife and I have been together for 5 years, married 3 years. We have no kids. I'm struggling with how to be supportive but also holding boundaries and not "taking the bate" during her luteal phase. Our first couple of years being married was really rough in that we would have these explosive fights that I didn't know how to self manage. I had never been someone that would lose my temper or get angry easily. I started to realize she would have these explosive episodes where I was the target. I would often engage and end up saying things I regret and escalate. We have both been to therapy for a long while, both couples and personal - we found that just doing our own personal therapy was more beneficial.

My wife goes straight for the jugular, she had asked me to buy some whole milk for her last night and it was a certain organic local brand she wanted, I bought it and it was the only one they had. It was skim milk which was obviously a stupid mistake, I also bought her flowers. I thought it was fine and she was bummed out and fine until I said, I know tomorrow is going to be a hard day for you so maybe we can try to have a little space. Which I get maybe wasn't the best thing to say, but she immediately blew up, we went to bed and I left for the gym, she blows up my phone with 20+ texts about how much of a piece of shit I am, how stupid I am for getting the wrong milk, and I respond "I'm not going to be around you while you talk to me like that or attack my character, please stop" so she keeps going and accelerates it to "I hate you, I don't want to be with you, you're horrible". Now obviously this is a hard line but this has happened before several times and I try to say, "hey babe, I know you're feeling a lot right now but you can't try to to burn it all down in these tough days". She ends up always calming down and apologizes and says that's horrible how I treated you, you don't deserve that.

I love my wife and I know she's not a mean person at her heart, but these days get really awful and I find myself just feeling trapped and my back is up against the wall. She is currently working on her management of these tough days, self soothing, and regulating. She sees a counselor, sees a nutritionist, eats healthy and often times says how much she hates how she feels and it feels like she just gets an overload and hijacked emotionally.

I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to be helpful but also hold boundaries, how to not make ultimatums but also help her realize how serious the way she talks to me affects me. I can usually stay present enough to not take the bate but its still really hard and I do slip and it turns into a yelling match, which I get is my own stuff that I have to work through.

The other problem is we are both getting to the point where we are planning to start having kids and I'm just concerned that this is going to be a thing after we have a kid and not knowing how to help her regulate while we have a baby added into the mix. I just feel pretty helpless. I would say 80%+ of the time we are good and loving. But it has also affected our intimate part of our relationship too, because I feel like their is a lag of repairing damage and then feeling good again and then not too long later she's back in her luteal phase. It's just exhausting, and I know she is going through the brunt of it, but it's a lot.

I was thinking about writing her a letter but just trying to figure out what to say that I haven't already said. I just don't know what to do.

I’ve had bad pmdd/pms symptoms where a week before my period I’m very depressed, irritable angry etc so thought I’d try Slynd because the thought of comb pill and blood clots scared me. I’m around a month in, my skin is better but my moods are really bad and had hope this would work for me 😟 I’m currently being diagnosed with pcos and just need something to work for my moods as it’s ruining my relationship! My boyfriend is the most lovely, kind person and I just treat him like rubbish. One small thing and that’s it I’m getting so angry and horrible towards him, but I’m not sure if I need to give it more of a chance and hopefully it will settle? Did this happen to other people and then settle? I’m just stuck on what to do, feel like a lost cause

I understand that pmdd affects her and she suffers as much as the next person, but the words that attack my character hurt me so much and it’s so hard to look past that. It’s like she doesn’t even respect me anymore when she calls me insecure or a burden. Then towards the end of the 2+ hour long argument, she’ll backtrack completely and send me paragraphs apologizing, and I seem to forgive so easily. It’s like my brain forgets everything that hurt me. But this happens every single month like clockwork, and it’s making me forget who I even am. It’s making me lose my individuality and I’m so scared

I read here how most wives will start fights, be mean, yell, etc. during luteal. Even if nothing provoked them. Mine will start small little fights i suppose, then hold a grudge, instead of talking it out, then maybe use that grudge to deny intamcy

Mine’s a little different, and I’m wondering if others have similar experiences. During luteal, one thing I can’t do is bring up any type of disagreement. If I’m feeling insecure about something she’s done and I confront her, that’s when the anger hits. She will often want to leave me if I attempt any relationship-type talks. Last breakup, it was because I went to look at her phone to see where we were going for a gig delivery and she yanked it back and I joked, “damn, what are you hiding?” That led to her getting super mad and then wanting to break up. She has hidden messages before, not to devate, but we hadcan agreement im allowed to see her phone whenever, after i caught her messaging another guy

But if that had happened during her follicular phase, it would have been a nothing burger.

She came back into my life in her last follicular and she was back to her loving self, but now she’s in luteal, and she has no interest in intimacy. She wants her alone time to watch movies and play video games, bsically do whatever she wants, she becomes very self centered

She’ll be decent to me, for the most part, but like I said, I have to just ignore the lack of intimacy and not bring up my feelings. If I just go with the flow, everything could be “fine.” Then after 12 days, back in follicular , she back to the loving gf who wants to be around me all the time and thats when we can discuss things like adults.

Anyone else have a similar dynamic?