r/PMDDpartners

Hi! I’m looking for any resources on supporting partners with pmdd. I’ve been with my partner for a little over a year and the pattern of my pmdd has had a slowly progressing impact on our dynamic and mutual feelings of security.

It feels like during my luteal phase everything we have built gets chipped away at by my hypersensitivity and it’s causing him to feel like he’s in trouble all the time or like he never knows what’s going to trigger a reaction out of me.

The rest of the month we have a strong dynamic but I feel I spend a lot of my energy rebuilding and convincing myself that I’m not going to ruin everything we have built.

This morning he told me that at this point he wants some real, credible resources for how he can better understand and support me during this time, as well as resources to help him feel better supported.

TYIA, TLDR: desperate for resources on supporting partners with PMDD

Yesterday, my wife picked another fight with me out of the blue.

I have a crisis going on with my kid from my first marriage. Think legal trouble that involves real bad behavior and real serious consequences. I broke down crying the other day. Morally, he needs to face the music. But he’s my kid and I love him. It’s a very tough time for me.

My wife came home from work yesterday in a foul mood; one of those PMDD moods that I recognize now where she’ll pop off about literally anything.

She tried asking me about my son’s case, but then said she didn’t want to know and then said something about how she didn’t even know if she was allowed to ask me about it. I tried to tell her that she was being confusing and I was afraid of answering her, because I thought no matter what I said, she’d get mad at me.

Sure enough, that led to her popping off on me.

So instead of being supportive in a moment of crisis for me, she chose that exact moment to do the complete opposite and rage against me out of nowhere for no reason. I’m fucking broken. I don’t know if I can take her shit, anymore. Everyone has their breaking point, and I might have reached mine.

Hey everyone. My wife is in therapy and has recently been diagnosed with PMDD. However during a event episode she became particularly distant and last night we were out with friends and as we were driving home I made a frustrated comment about another driver on the road (we live in Atlanta). And she immediately became agitated and stated how I complain a lot.

Now, I'll admit I can get irritated in traffic, but who doesn't? And yeah sure I complain about a long day at work, but who doesn't? My point is, is that my wife seems to completely overlook how she treats me. Every little thing is a massive meltdown.

THE MEAT OF IT ALL

The overarching issue is that when I bring up how she makes me feel, she dismisses it altogether, and will often point a finger back at me instead of just hearing me. My wife has had significant struggles in life, we both have. But, this is wearing me down so much.

I feel like the goalpost is always moving. Nothing is ever good enough. Emotionally, I don't know up from down anymore. And last night when we got home we sat on the couch and discussed everything, but I never once felt that she truly heard me. I told her all I want to do is wrap my arms around her and love her for exactly who she is. And I do. But she can't seem to believe it. Her mind seems to think everything is a trick or a lie or something. And to add even more complexity, when I brought up her PMDD (not accusatory, but fact), she immediately said "I don't have that."

I was in awe because she was just diagnosed about a month ago. So between her not being open to her medical condition, unresolved trauma and their respective effects on our relationship, I'm at a loss.

I love my wife. Not if ands or buts. I'm just struggling to find solid ground right now. I'm thankful she is in therapy, but I'm wondering if she is receptive to the therapy and medication. They don't prepare you for this 😞

My partner has PMDD, and I love her deeply, but I'm finding it really hard to navigate the swings. There are stretches where things feel great, and then it flips and she gets intensely angry and cutting in a way that feels like a completely different person, someone who doesn't seem to care about me at all. It's disorienting and honestly exhausting.

It doesn't help that she works a high stress job with overnight hours, so sleep and stress are already stacked against her.

I'm not looking to complain, I want to actually be helpful to her and protect our relationship. For those of you who've dealt with this as a partner...

How do you tell the difference between "this is the PMDD talking" and things you should actually address?

What's helped you stay grounded when things get harsh in the moment?

Any strategies (tracking cycles, communication scripts, boundaries) that made a real difference?

How do you take care of your own wellbeing through this?

Appreciate any perspective especially from people who've found ways to make this work long term.

40m here and spouse to a 40f. She's currently having an extremely hard time with both ADHD and PMDD and I'm trying to figure out ways I can help her. She says she's never felt more taken care of and I'm understanding that I have significantly more capacity for day to day things (housework, bill payments, etc.), but we've discussed that partners are there to offer support, not solutions, and 'trying to fix' everything often feels like you're spotlighting or trying to erase the issue.

And I don't disagree with that, I'm just at a loss of what I can do other than be supportive, which doesn't seem to be helping. We have a big doom room, which she's said make's her feel bad every day. I can help organize, but I'll need to body double while she cleans it, but her capacity and energy for that is really low.

She has a hard time feeding herself, and while I'm not a great cook, I do make myself dinner every night, but what I make never sounds good to her, so she doesn't end up eating.

She also spends hours on her phone, but also talks about feeling anxious, overwhelmed, etc. which I know plays a lot into that.

So, I'm just trying to think of ideas on how to help without nagging or advice.

I feel so low and lonely. Constantly anxious I feel horrible to stay alive. Does anyone feel the same and help me how to overcome this

My wife, while never formally diagnosed, has PMDD and acknowledges that. For at least 2 weeks a month she's angry, irritable, blows up over small things, and generally just hard to be around. While some of that is directed at me, a non insignificant amount is directed at my children (4 and 2). This has been going on since the birth of our eldest, but really ramped up in intensity the last 18 months or so.

Last weekend she went away from Friday to Monday to stay at her parents. Now don't get my wrong, the kids are toddlers and can be a pain, but all the things they do that can typically make me angry or irritate me weren't bothering me at all (if anything, they were actually quite entertaining) - for example, playing too loudly, making a mess, delaying going to bed. The whole weekend was smooth sailing and probably one of the best few days I've had as a dad.

What I've noticed this week is that those same things that weren't bothering are suddenly frustrating me again, and I'm snapping at the kids more often. It finally occurred to me why last night when I heard my wife yell at the kids (from another room while doomscrolling on her phone) for being too loud in the bath (I was watching them). They weren't doing anything wrong, they were just excited - this blew up into a full rage when she saw there was water on the floor in the bathroom. I realised I'm not angry at the kids for their behaviour, I'm angry at them for setting my wife's irrational anger.

This is completely unfair on the kids and I feel like a scumbag for not only not protecting them from this, but adding to the fire.

As an aside, my wife noticed that we had a good weekend, and she commented that she hadn't seen my son that happy in a while in the photos I sent her. She was angry that I had a relatively easy weekend with our normally "difficult" kids, inevitably that blew up into anger that she's not a good mother and that I made her feel inadequate.

Anyway, this is probably more of a vent than anything. I'm going to ensure that I stay conscious of this going forward. My wife isn't currently seeking treatment for her PMDD but we're trialling a few supplements like inostol, magnesium, l-theanine and vitex to see if that can minimise the symptoms.

Could use some insight from folks that may have experienced the same thing:

My partner is in a PMDD window. Her typical with PMDD - it’s either low energy/complete avoidant behavior or it’s full on emotional attack. I’m thankful I don’t have the latter right now but the former isn’t exactly better.

I’m trying. I’m by no means perfect but I’m trying. What’s killing me is a new comment of “I don’t have time for you”. That by itself is probably something I could shrink and handle but I’m watching her spend energy on other things.

Recently she watched a movie. A movie we planned to watch together for our next virtual date night. That’s another thing I could shrink and handle but she watched it with her ex. The dynamic for that is a whole convo in and of itself but the 2 of them live together and co parent- im understanding because it’s best for the kids and kids have to take priority (I have a child myself). I digress.

I’m really struggling with the idea that I’m not worth her energy when she barely has any for herself but any moment she comes above water I’m not a thought. It’s very easy to cast your long distance partner aside and I’m really feeling that. I’m scared it’s becoming habit. It’s becoming too easy.

Anyone else have this happen? Is it something you did and it just took time to figure out you caused it all along? Is it fixable? This hurts a lot to not feel chosen. It hurts even more to know you’re not worth anything.

A grim one but this seems to be the best place to ask reading other posts…. When did you know to call it a day?

I love her so much, but these extreme moods that are probably a 1/3 of the month are destroying me. Living in constant fear and walking on egg shells permanently, she quite often just reminds me that her moods and tempers are not directed at me Its just that I’m present when they happen. However considering we live together (no kids) it feels like I’m just some sucker who absorbs all of her problems and anger with no consideration of anything else.

I feel so drained and helpless from it all.

Question for those of you who have children and were once married, how did your spouse handle the divorce and how did the state decide who has primary custody?

In my experience, she doesn't tunnel as much rage towards our kids as I get to enjoy but it does exist. At this point my young teenaged kiddos give her sass right back and I intervene where I act something like a stabilizing buffer.

I also have a huge amount of distrust of her family and am not comfortable with my kids being around them without at minimum her being present at all times.

The idea of her leaning on them for help because we're separated haunts me.

I’m looking for some advice from people who have severe PMDD because I’m really struggling.The days leading up to my period, I get really bad anxiety, insomnia, racing heart, shaking, sweating, vomiting and diarrhoea and major mood changes. It has been getting worse and I feel like it completely takes over my life for those days.
I’m also trying to lose weight and stick to a calorie deficit, but during this time I find it SO difficult. I get cravings, I’m exhausted from not sleeping, my motivation is gone and I end up struggling to stick to my calories. Then afterwards I feel guilty and like I’ve ruined my progress.
I’m wondering if my severe PMDD could be one of the reasons I’ve struggled with my weight and sticking to a deficit.The thing is, I’ve never actually spoken to my doctor about how severe my PMDD is. I’ve never asked for help or discussed treatment for it properly, even though it affects me this badly every month.
For anyone who has been in a similar situation:
What did you do? What did your doctor offer you? Did treatment make a difference to your PMDD, cravings, eating and ability to stick to a routine? And how do you approach weight loss during your worst PMDD days

Hi everyone. Spent the night in a hotel, kicked out of my own house.

I’ve (me 42) been together with my wife (32) for 10 years now an married for 3+. In the last 5years I could say some episodes are pretty rough and just switching into luteal or the first days of menstruation are the worst. Anything could set her off, and none of it is rational.

Name the trivial offense in this time and it usually results in her asking for a divorce. I have to say the toll that takes on me is immense and feels traumatic.

That said.. she is 6days late on her period and this one seems to be a real bad one for her. In the good days I’ve tried to talk about this with her, pmdd, explore it, understand it.. but not really accepting of it. She sees these pmdd rages as reality.

Am I perfect? Absolutely not. But I am not sure anyone has been divorced from using hot water to clean dishes after making her a smoothie..

Do I just hang in here and give her space?

I'm sad and angry because i warned her family and everyone else was like what did you do to her even people who hear the situation yet I was the one going through abuse for 7 years extreme moods public humiliation violence you name it and yeah i feel so bad for her cause she has no family in my country but her children and her family are overseas. But i also am an orphan and now everyone thinks I'm some kind of psycho because she comes across as a soft person and sweet

Despite years of refining diet and lifestyle, I am still suffering. I have an official diagnosis of PMDD from a specialist. The last 2 luteal phases have been utter skin crawling hell. Usually it is “tolerable” and by day 1-2 of my period things start to lift. That is not the case for the last two - symptoms pushing into period and after. My family doctor put me on Nextstellis a week ago and it has made me a zombie. Even more of a shell of a person.

I’m currently going through a divorce (I made a few posts earlier in the year during the last few months with my wife). I haven’t had any contact with her since mid-May when I got my stuff out of her house.

I’m about to hit her with a letter from my solicitor regarding the financial settlement and I’m afraid of the reaction. As I’m sure many of you here will understand all too well, my soon-to-be ex-wife wasn’t exactly known for her ability to regulate her emotions, and she was very emotionally abusive towards me during our marriage.

I fear that I’m going to awaken the banshee again and receive abusive text messages/voicemails, and who knows what else. I’m just wondering what the experience of other PMDD partners who have been through a divorce has been?

As much as i tried to be an understanding adult for hell she is going through, i'm tired of being an emotional punchbag, i'm tired of lighting myself on fire just to keep her warm.

She is a very soft, good fellow human being, but during these moments, i can't stand being called asshole, pussy, bitch all of a sudden, idon't think for how long will i be able to endure this chaos of dramas and being treated like a dog, i'm a human being also.

Don't get me wrong, i have respect for people enduring stuff like this every month, and i do really, i love her but i cannot, sometimes she just cannot stop insulting me about how i'm not a man, even though i begged her to ytop, i am really close to js say fuck you and get the fuck out of my life, even though i am not that impulsive.

She really means a lot and is mean a lot to me during these moments, but as much as she is, i'm also emotionally dead because of things like these. And this is just tip of the iceberg and i really needed to vent.