u/zm4355

Not sure if this is the correct place to post but could really do with advice from some who suffers with PMDD.

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We've been broken up for just under 8 months after a 5+ year relationship. The breakup happened during a period where we were both struggling individually.

Since the breakup she's consistently said things like she needed to work on herself alone, wasn't ready, and that she couldn't put a timeline on anything. She has generally kept contact to a minimum not reaching out at all apart from wishing me a happy birthday.

Around 2 months ago we had our most significant conversation since the breakup. We both agreed we'd tried very hard in the relationship, that there was still a lot of love, and that the relationship as it was had become unhealthy because we were both struggling individually. She said the love never died, that she missed me as a person, apologised for aspects of how the breakup happened, and said it could have been handled differently. When I said I thought things could be different if we ever started again from scratch rather than continuing the old relationship, she said she was glad I'd worked on myself but that she still needed to take time for herself, that it wasn't going to happen anytime soon, and that she needed to go on that journey alone.

Two weeks ago I messaged asking if she'd like to go for a walk and just catch up. She replied that she was busy over the next couple of weeks but would be happy to catch up on the phone instead.

As the conversation continued, she then said she didn't really have much to say and didn't think we were in a place where we could be friends. I replied saying that I didn't think either of us genuinely wanted to be "just friends" after everything we'd been through and suggested we leave the call.

She then said she'd appreciate it if I didn't tell her how she felt or what she wanted, and agreed it was probably best to leave it.

I then sent a message explaining that I was frustrated with the fact that the breakup wasn't mutual, that I didn't understand why things felt so distant between us when there had been no betrayal or abuse, and that I found it difficult to understand how we had gone from planning a future together to barely speaking.

Rather than responding to those points, she said that her luteal phase was particularly bad, and that she would come back to me once she was feeling better.

Twelve days later, without any further messages from me, she initiated contact herself asking when I was free this week for a call. We arranged to speak later this week with her clarifying a couple of days later that she’ll call.

I’m just not sure what to make of it really. She thinks she’s fearful avoidant but never really saw any signs in the 5 years. A few people told me that throughout the break up I’ve been too understanding of how she might be feeling and not expressed my own frustrations which could’ve allowed her to just take more time and not feel any pressure to deal with the situation? I’m not sure, I’m just confused

Basically just trying to understand what might be going on but feel I need someone who suffers with PMDDs advice

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We've been broken up for just under 8 months after a 5+ year relationship. The breakup happened during a period where we were both struggling individually.

Since the breakup she's consistently said things like she needed to work on herself alone, wasn't ready, and that she couldn't put a timeline on anything. She has generally kept contact to a minimum not reaching out at all apart from wishing me a happy birthday.

Around 2 months ago we had our most significant conversation since the breakup. We both agreed we'd tried very hard in the relationship, that there was still a lot of love, and that the relationship as it was had become unhealthy because we were both struggling individually. She said the love never died, that she missed me as a person, apologised for aspects of how the breakup happened, and said it could have been handled differently. When I said I thought things could be different if we ever started again from scratch rather than continuing the old relationship, she said she was glad I'd worked on myself but that she still needed to take time for herself, that it wasn't going to happen anytime soon, and that she needed to go on that journey alone.

Two weeks ago I messaged asking if she'd like to go for a walk and just catch up. She replied that she was busy over the next couple of weeks but would be happy to catch up on the phone instead.

As the conversation continued, she then said she didn't really have much to say and didn't think we were in a place where we could be friends. I replied saying that I didn't think either of us genuinely wanted to be "just friends" after everything we'd been through and suggested we leave the call.

She then said she'd appreciate it if I didn't tell her how she felt or what she wanted, and agreed it was probably best to leave it.

I then sent a message explaining that I was frustrated with the fact that the breakup wasn't mutual, that I didn't understand why things felt so distant between us when there had been no betrayal or abuse, and that I found it difficult to understand how we had gone from planning a future together to barely speaking.

Rather than responding to those points, she said that her luteal phase was particularly bad, and that she would come back to me once she was feeling better.

Twelve days later, without any further messages from me, she initiated contact herself asking when I was free this week for a call. We arranged to speak later this week with her clarifying a couple of days later that she’ll call.

I’m just not sure what to make of it really. She thinks she’s fearful avoidant but never really saw any signs in the 5 years. A few people told me that throughout the break up I’ve been too understanding of how she might be feeling and not expressed my own frustrations which could’ve allowed her to just take more time and not feel any pressure to deal with the situation? I’m not sure, I’m just confused

We've been broken up for just under 8 months after a 5+ year relationship. The breakup happened during a period where we were both struggling individually.

Since the breakup she's consistently said things like she needed to work on herself alone, wasn't ready, and that she couldn't put a timeline on anything. She has generally kept contact to a minimum not reaching out at all apart from wishing me a happy birthday.

Around 2 months ago we had our most significant conversation since the breakup. We both agreed we'd tried very hard in the relationship, that there was still a lot of love, and that the relationship as it was had become unhealthy because we were both struggling individually. She said the love never died, that she missed me as a person, apologised for aspects of how the breakup happened, and said it could have been handled differently. When I said I thought things could be different if we ever started again from scratch rather than continuing the old relationship, she said she was glad I'd worked on myself but that she still needed to take time for herself, that it wasn't going to happen anytime soon, and that she needed to go on that journey alone.

Two weeks ago I messaged asking if she'd like to go for a walk and just catch up. She replied that she was busy over the next couple of weeks but would be happy to catch up on the phone instead.

As the conversation continued, she then said she didn't really have much to say and didn't think we were in a place where we could be friends. I replied saying that I didn't think either of us genuinely wanted to be "just friends" after everything we'd been through and suggested we leave the call.

She then said she'd appreciate it if I didn't tell her how she felt or what she wanted, and agreed it was probably best to leave it.

I then sent a message explaining that I was frustrated with the fact that the breakup wasn't mutual, that I didn't understand why things felt so distant between us when there had been no betrayal or abuse, and that I found it difficult to understand how we had gone from planning a future together to barely speaking.

Rather than responding to those points, she said that her mental health was particularly bad, and that she would come back to me once she was feeling better.

Twelve days later, without any further messages from me, she initiated contact herself asking when I was free this week for a call. We arranged to speak later this week.

I’m just not sure what to make of it really. She thinks she’s fearful avoidant but never really saw any signs in the 5 years. A few people told me that throughout the break up I’ve been too understanding of how she might be feeling and not expressed my own frustrations which could’ve allowed her to just take more time and not feel any pressure to deal with the situation? I’m not sure, I’m just confused

My long term gf ended things late last year. We both had our own internal issues we needed to work through and the relationship had become very heavy at times but the love was still there completely.

We’ve spoken a couple of times since with the second to last time being us discussing the relationship and how the love never died but the dynamics of the relationship needed to change.

We spoke recently and I messaged to se if she fancied catching up one day, she said she was very busy this week but could call me. I said that worked but then her next message she seemed to pull back saying she didn’t have much to say but would call me if I wanted.

I just can’t really understand why the change from her suggesting the call to essentially saying she didn’t want too.

To give a brief overview, we were in a 5 year relationship and both mid 20s. She broke up with me 6 months ago and we spoke last week, we spoke about how the love never dies but we just needed to change within ourselves (both had our own internal struggles)

I explained how I’ve been working on myself and she said “she’s so glad I’ve spent the time working on myself but she need to focus on her a bit longer”

What does that mean in terms of getting back together because she’s a very to the point person and she had a number of opportunities to shut down any ideas of us in the future during that conversation