u/TheseAd6038

Am I missing something? I’m looking for honest advice from men because I know emotions can cloud my judgment. I’m 23, and he’s 38. We met when I was 18/19 and living on my own. We built a really deep connection. He was incredibly open with me about his life, his family, his past, and his goals.

From the beginning, we built a really deep connection. We spent hours talking, laughing, debating ideas, and just enjoying each other's company. He was incredibly open with me about his past, his family, his dreams, and his life. Nothing ever felt hidden.

He's a father, and one of the things I admired most about him was how seriously he took that role. He became a dad at 15, so when we met his kids were already teenagers. I got to know them and much of his family over time, and they always welcomed me warmly.

We talked about marriage, building a future together, and having children one day. He actually wanted to have a baby with me much sooner than I wanted. I told him I wasn't ready because I wanted to finish school, mature more, and build my career first. He respected that, and we continued planning a future together.

Before I say this I genuinely believe his intentions came from a place of love. With that said he didn’t always believe in the goals I was pursuing or the decisions I was making early in my career. Sometimes, before I'd even had enough time to truly learn or grow, he'd suggest that a different path would be better for me. For example telling me college wasn’t the route for me when I was going back with a full ride. Telling me needed to quit my job cause the commission based work ain’t working when it had only been but a few months… I can acknowledge was all over and there were a few hard truths in what he was saying but it was the way he was going about communicating certain things as well that I talked to him about rubbing me wrong.

Eventually, I initiated a break. Feeling less confident in myself then ever. And Not because I stopped loving him, but because I felt like I was being devalued. felt like I needed time and space to grow into the woman GOD intended me to be and for him as well.

Looking back, we never actually discussed what a "break" meant or established any boundaries. Because of that, I don't think it's fair for me to put all of the responsibility on him, even though what happened hurt me deeply.

It's also worth mentioning that I had intimacy issues stemming from past trauma. That was something I was actively working through. Although I always wanted him to feel loved and cared for, physical intimacy wasn't something I genuinely enjoyed until much later in our relationship after we found our way back to each other.

During the break, we still told each other "I love you" every single day.

Then, fairly quickly, even with that going on he started getting to know another woman. The hardest part was that I didn't find out from him….I found out through a female neighbor I'd become friendly with and was conveniently asking where I was at after she got thrown hands at on a business boat with this women. Although will say that female neighbor is a highly trustworthy and educated women who had a strong relationship with her man who she was engaged with.

Personally never been someone to judge people based on rumors, so I wanted to form my own opinion. When I met her, I actually liked her. She reminded me of several of my friends—strong-minded, health-conscious, and genuinely pleasant to talk to.

At some point, there was tension because she apparently didn't know who I really was. From what I understood, she believed he was mentoring me. Whether he hadn't explained our history or she was just trying to get info out of me I honestly don't know.

19 year old me did break down to this women about how the man was my family and how much did love him I was naive… although still did like the gal and did design work for her to help her business out she iced me out after that …

What made the whole situation so difficult was that, through all of this, he continued telling me he loved me every single day.

She was also much closer to his age, and part of me genuinely thought maybe that made more sense. I even wondered if she might be a better fit for the stage of life he was in and for his daughter. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't completely break my heart.

His aunt later shared that while he was dating this woman, his five-year-old niece innocently told her, "You'll never be his real girlfriend and that (insert my name) is.” Love love love his family and his aunt did share that he didn’t bring much people around family although irony he did with her though.

Eventually, that relationship ended, and over time we found our way back to each other.

I wasn't perfect either. The break hurt me more than I realized at the time, and I know I handled some things differently than I normally would have. But I was always honest. If anyone asked, I simply said we were on a break and had never officially ended the relationship. Even when his daughter reached out to me, that's exactly what I told her.

When we got back together, it genuinely felt like we'd found our way home.

Over the years, one thing has remained remarkably consistent: Our loves and bound. We grew our relationship more and also lost a child which was a child needed to be lost if you catch my drift but nevertheless was hard and he wasn’t there the way I needed during that and that still hurts cause I still think about our baby to this day and their heartbeat…

When he was in a serious car accident, my first thought wasn't about our relationship or the past—it was simply, "How can I help?" Earlier in our relationship, he'd even offered to help me get a car because I was constantly taking buses into New York to see him.

Turned it down.

Not because I didn't appreciate the gesture, but because it felt like too much too soon. I also wasn't comfortable driving that particular car and didn't think it was the safest option. Give this in context to make the following not seem super bad.

So, at one point he asked if I could help him get a rental vehicle. That conversation eventually turned into him asking me to take out a loan or essentially front the cost on one of my credit cards, with the understanding that he would pay me back.

At the time I was around 20 years old, living on my own, had no debt, very little savings, and was trying to build a stable financial future for myself. Taking on debt for someone else, even someone I loved, wasn't something I felt comfortable doing.

The difficult part for me wasn't that he asked cause I asked him how I could help and that’s how… apparently he could not rent for a bit that’s a whole different story… it was how the conversation unfolded afterward.

He seemed genuinely upset that I said yes to the rental and no to the loan and felt I should have been more upfront that money was the issue. From my perspective, I thought he already understood my financial situation. He knew I wasn't in a position to comfortably take on that kind of risk, even if he fully intended to pay me back.

I loved him, and part of me wanted to say yes simply because I wanted to help. I think a lot of people understand the kinds of things you're willing to consider doing for someone you love. But another part of me knew I had to protect the very little financial stability I'd worked hard to build.

To this day, I don't know whether he saw my decision as a lack of faith in him, while I saw it as trying to make the most responsible decision I could with the resources I had. With that said with much pressure and not wanting to lose him although looking back think I misread that and wouldn’t have lost him… to get out of that loan took a lot and he wasn’t respectful during the process

We were no contact for awhile. By chance, we ended up talking again. We worked through what had happened, took accountability where we could, and slowly started rebuilding trust. There were thoughtful gestures from him and from me too, but if I'm being honest, communicated to him what I felt we still needed to repair was consistency it’s like he’s purposely inconsistent. Claiming too busy…

Then came my birthday and day before we had seen each other. He had told me we were going to do something romantic together. Instead, my birthday came and went without even a "Happy Birthday." That hurt more than I can explain because it's something I know I never would have done to someone I love. He apologized and told me he'd make it up to me. Eventually he did, but it wasn't until about a month later… best church and date date ever.

I traveled a long distance to see him because we were actively rebuilding our relationship and we were exclusive.

When I arrived, I realized he was already at a restaurant meeting with a female business partner. I hadn't known about the meeting beforehand. Had I known, I probably would have approached the situation very differently.

When I joined them, she asked what had brought me there. I answered honestly: I came to see my man.

As the conversation continued, I felt uncomfortable. From my perspective, some of her comments and body language came across as flirtatious. Whether that was actually her intention or simply her character , I can't say with certainty. What I can say is that I felt caught off guard and increasingly uncomfortable. She blew his nose when she saw a bogger. Like tell me I wasn’t tripping….
Then later with a call she had with him I’m portrayed as irrational for reacting emotionally and pulling him for a side bar which he explained he had come form conference and whole other people up by dock who we did join up with later but mannn who blows someone else’s nose like that.

From his perspective, they were simply business partners. From mine, I had walked into a situation I wasn't expecting, after traveling to see the man I loved, and I felt blindsided.

To this day, I still wonder whether I overreacted, whether my feelings were understandable, or whether we simply had very different expectations about communication and transparency in a committed relationship.

That brings us to today.
He still tells me he loves me.
I still love him.
But his communication has become increasingly inconsistent. Days can go by with very little contact, and yet whenever we do speak.
I genuinely view this man as home. I miss him deeply when he’s away, and if I'm being honest, this has been incredibly distracting in my own life. know the man I've experienced during our best moments.

So I want to ask the men here:
Can a man genuinely love a woman while consistently failing to communicate with her?
If you've ever withdrawn from someone you loved, what was going through your mind?
Do these situations sound like poor communication and emotional avoidance, or am I missing something important from a man's perspective?

I'm genuinely asking because I want to understand—not because I'm looking for people to tell me who's right or wrong.