u/Thin_Maximum324

Me (f25) and my fiancé (m32) have been together for a few years now. It’s become apparent we have very different sex drives; mine is very high and his low. It makes me feel undesirable and lonely if I’m being honest. I’ve stopped trying to initiate all together and when he does (roughly every 2 weeks) it feels forced like a chore.

I’m in my head, finding myself performing as I want him to enjoy it and want more. I understand he works full time, and he’s tired etc but it’s not even intimate anymore I feel a huge disconnect and completely robotic.

He never does any foreplay and it ends up being one of three basic positions. A lot has changed since we first got together and I can’t bear to upset him so find myself faking for his sake. I was trying to be adventurous and make him more open minded ie being rougher, bondage and trying toys, but he sees it as him not being good enough. I thought maybe at the beginning I’m just asking too much but now I wonder if we’re not compatible. I think I’m quite open minded and kinky, whereas he is happy to just pump and dump. There’s no middle ground

Last year I went on long term sick leave for at my job due to MH. I applied for UC in late June, but eligible until August. They said it’s because I’d got my last full payment and sick pay in the same assessment period from employer. Therefore I wasn’t entitled to anything in July, yet they deferred earnings to a month where I was eligible? If I wasn’t receiving anything that month what is the point of deferring my earnings. Especially to now when I’m on limited capability for work related activities. It feels like I’ve been sanctioned twice, as I need the money more now and I’m on a lesser income?

I’ve requested that this deduction from my uc payment from January be reviewed. I’ve still not heard back, I’m confused and annoyed as I thought they only defer if it benefits the claimant. It seems like an administrative error? But they’re just passing the book.

The reply from earnings disputes team :
Some of the earnings used by Universal credit in the disputed Assessment Period 25.12.25 - 24.01.26 were deferred earnings which have been deferred from a previous Assessment Period

These earnings were deferred from the Assessment Period 26.06.25 to 25.07.25 as the employer x park ltd had reported 2 x monthly payments in 1 Assessment period of £1765.65 paid on 25.06.25 and £427.50 paid on 24.07.25.

The Assessment period 25.06.25 to 24.07.25 was amended to use the payment of £1765.65 and the payment of £427.50 reported as paid 24.07.25 was deferred (to be moved into another assessment period)

The Assessment Period 25.12.25 to 24.01.26 includes £463.98 reported as paid on 10.01.26 and the deferred earnings of £427.50 reported by X Park Ltd.

Therefore the earnings used from 2 different employers are correct within the assessment period 25.12.25 - 24.01.26.