I posted last night about emailing my therapist to see if she would allow me to text sometimes like life stuff. Bc I do email her already sometimes. I deleted it today because it had like 6.2k views but anyway I just wanted to say that she emailed me back and told me she trusts me with it. Crazy bc I never thought she would let me. Now I’m scared to even utilize it lol 😆 #attachmentissues
Ive been seeing her for like a yr and a half. I’ve never cried in a session. I have mdd PTSD etc. I feel like attachment or whatever. I hate it but also it feels like important.
I’ve been thinking about our session , and I realized there was something important I couldn’t say in the moment because I was tearing up a lot today bc of everything.
When you asked what I was thinking right now towards the end, what was actually going through my mind was that I found myself wishing I could text you. The more I’ve sat with it at the beach today, the more I realize it wasn’t really about texting itself. It was about how big the contrast feels between how contained and understood I feel in session and how dropped or alone I can feel in between sessions. That contrast hurts more than I realized.
It also made me remember around Christmas break when you had said that if things got really bad I could text you, and I never did. But, part of the reason was that I wasn’t really sure what that meant or what was okay, and I was so afraid of crossing your boundaries that I decided not to reach out at all.
I know I need to keep building supports here, and I am going to keep reaching out and doing that. \*\* text me today, a gratitude list and I told her I was grateful for therapy today and for her texting me. I don’t want or expect you to become my primary support, and I’m not looking for crisis texting or immediate responses.
Part of this also feels like growing pains. I know we’re working on me tolerating more, trusting myself more, and building supports instead of relying on one person. I really am trying to do that. However, this separation feels like one of the biggest transitions of my life, and I think it’s stretching my attachment system in ways I didn’t fully understand until today.
I think part of what came up for me is that email often feels like processing something after the wave has already passed. What I found myself wishing for was a way to share certain moments while they were actually happening, just small moments of movement or progress, like getting the apartment keys, a picture from the beach or paddle boarding when I’m choosing healthy coping, or another “I did the thing” moment that represents moving forward in the work we’re doing.
I was wondering whether or not , during this separation and move, there is any contained form of between session contact that you think could be therapeutically helpful. If that’s not something you offer, I completely understand. It felt important to ask rather than make assumptions, because you already know when I don’t ask, I tend to fill in the blanks with fears that I’m too much or that I’ll be rejected.
There’s no pressure to respond to this by email. I know it’s a bigger question, and if it makes more sense to talk about it next week, that’s completely okay with me. I mostly wanted you to know what was happening internally because I couldn’t find the words in session or whatever.
Thank you for reading this. This was really vulnerable for me to write, and honestly I felt embarrassed even asking. But it felt more important to be honest with you than to keep wondering on my own.
Ive been seeing her for like a yr and a half. I’ve never cried in a session. I have mdd PTSD etc. I feel like attachment or whatever. I hate it but also it feels like important.
I’ve been thinking about our session , and I realized there was something important I couldn’t say in the moment because I was tearing up a lot today bc of everything.
When you asked what I was thinking right now towards the end, what was actually going through my mind was that I found myself wishing I could text you. The more I’ve sat with it at the beach today, the more I realize it wasn’t really about texting itself. It was about how big the contrast feels between how contained and understood I feel in session and how dropped or alone I can feel in between sessions. That contrast hurts more than I realized.
It also made me remember around Christmas break when you had said that if things got really bad I could text you, and I never did. But, part of the reason was that I wasn’t really sure what that meant or what was okay, and I was so afraid of crossing your boundaries that I decided not to reach out at all.
I know I need to keep building supports here, and I am going to keep reaching out and doing that. ** text me today, a gratitude list and I told her I was grateful for therapy today and for her texting me. I don’t want or expect you to become my primary support, and I’m not looking for crisis texting or immediate responses.
Part of this also feels like growing pains. I know we’re working on me tolerating more, trusting myself more, and building supports instead of relying on one person. I really am trying to do that. However, this separation feels like one of the biggest transitions of my life, and I think it’s stretching my attachment system in ways I didn’t fully understand until today.
I think part of what came up for me is that email often feels like processing something after the wave has already passed. What I found myself wishing for was a way to share certain moments while they were actually happening, just small moments of movement or progress, like getting the apartment keys, a picture from the beach or paddle boarding when I’m choosing healthy coping, or another “I did the thing” moment that represents moving forward in the work we’re doing.
I was wondering whether or not , during this separation and move, there is any contained form of between session contact that you think could be therapeutically helpful. If that’s not something you offer, I completely understand. It felt important to ask rather than make assumptions, because you already know when I don’t ask, I tend to fill in the blanks with fears that I’m too much or that I’ll be rejected.
There’s no pressure to respond to this by email. I know it’s a bigger question, and if it makes more sense to talk about it next week, that’s completely okay with me. I mostly wanted you to know what was happening internally because I couldn’t find the words in session or whatever.
Thank you for reading this. This was really vulnerable for me to write, and honestly I felt embarrassed even asking. But it felt more important to be honest with you than to keep wondering on my own.
I’ve been seeing my therapist for a while, and we’ve done a lot of meaningful trauma/attachment work. She has helped me in real ways, so I’m not trying to villainize her or impulsively quit. But lately I feel confused, hurt, and unsure whether this is still a good fit.
The issue is that I’ve been trying to bring more structure and objectivity into therapy. I use reflective notes and AI-assisted summaries to track patterns, not to replace therapy. I’m an ICU nurse, so data, patterns, trends, and clearer definitions help me organize things and feel grounded. I sent her some material because I wanted us to look at what felt accurate, what didn’t, and how to make it more clinically useful. Which originally she asked me to do. However,
She seemed uncomfortable with the AI/data part, and I didn’t feel like she really engaged with the substance of what I sent. She’s said things about “radical acceptance,” attachment wounds, and struggling with tough feedback, but I didn’t feel like she fully explained what she meant. I ended up feeling like I had to say everything perfectly to be understood, which is a big trigger for me.
We did already have what I would consider a repair session. She said she values me, and I believe she was trying. But I’m not sure I actually felt valued in the way I needed to feel it. It felt like she was saying the right thing, but not fully meeting me where I was. I left still feeling like the deeper issue wasn’t really understood. And that I had to bring the repair into the room.
There have also been several emails over time that she didn’t respond to, and when she finally responded to one, it felt dismissive to me. I understand therapists have boundaries and don’t owe long email responses between sessions. I’m not expecting unlimited access. But the pattern made me feel ignored because she used to reply, but, especially because the topic felt important to the work.
Another layer is that I’ve been in a rough patch with relapse/recovery, separation, attachment activation, and feeling let down by people. I know that can make me more sensitive to perceived rejection. At the same time, I don’t want everything reduced to my “attachment wounds” if there is also a real communication mismatch happening.
What I’m struggling with is this:
She has helped me before.
We already attempted a repair, but it still didn’t fully land for me. I felt boxed and pathologized before I explained it to her.
She said she values me, but I’m not sure I felt it.
I want clinical clarity, not just reassurance. She doesn’t like numbers even the phq9 and gas she said. She told me not to stop using ai but then she is back and forth with how she responds to me about it.
I want my use of structured tools/AI to be understood as organization and pattern-tracking, not automatically pathologized.
I don’t want to quit impulsively because I’m hurt, but I also don’t want to keep paying for a relationship where I feel chronically misunderstood. I’m not sure how direct to be.
For therapists or clients who have been through ruptures:
how do you tell the difference between a repair that just needs more time and a repair that shows the therapist may not be able to meet you in the way you need?
Is it reasonable to bring this up again and say something like: “I know we talked about this, and I heard you say you value me, but I still don’t feel fully met. Can we look directly at why the repair didn’t land for me?”
I’m not looking for people to tell me my therapist is bad. I’m trying to reality-test whether this sounds like normal therapy conflict, a repairable mismatch, or a sign that the therapeutic relationship may no longer be the right fit.
I’m in long-term trauma/relational therapy and I’m trying to reality-check something without automatically assuming the worst.
I have CPTSD, MDD, and ADHD, and I’ve been seeing my therapist for about a year and a half. She has helped me a lot, especially with trauma, attachment, shame, and leaving/untangling from a difficult relationship. The therapy is very relational/person-centered, and I do feel deeply connected to her.
She self-discloses more than therapists I’ve had before. It’s usually brief anecdotes from her life that seem connected to what I’m dealing with. For example, I’m currently going through a separation and signed a lease recently. Around that time, she shared that she had gotten married young, divorced, that it was scary, and that it ultimately made her stronger. I actually found it comforting and it made me feel less alone.
The part I’m unsure about is that she has said a couple times something like, “I don’t think I’ve ever told a client that before.” Because I have attachment trauma and have been isolated/in a DV-type relationship, that kind of statement lands really strongly. It can make me feel special/closer to her, and then I worry whether that’s healthy or whether it could be influencing me too much.
There is no texting. Outside-session contact is mostly limited to email, and she has encouraged me to build outside supports rather than rely only on her. So I’m not trying to paint her as unethical. I’m genuinely trying to understand whether this type of disclosure can be beneficial in relational trauma therapy, or whether the “I’ve never told a client this before” part is a red flag.
My main questions are:
Is this amount/type of self-disclosure normal in trauma or relational therapy?
Can self-disclosure be helpful for someone who has been very isolated and is rebuilding trust/self-trust?
Is the “I’ve never told a client this before” piece something worth bringing up as attachment material?
How would you tell the difference between therapeutic self-disclosure and a therapist subtly influencing a client’s choices?
I do plan to ask her directly, but I wanted outside perspectives first.
In trauma or relational person centered therapy like how much self disclosure is normal? I feel like my therapist does a lot and while it’s nice we connect, does it mean she’s manipulating me to need therapy more? I have cptsd, mdd, adhd. I’ve seen her for like a year and a half. She’s helped me a lot. No texting just emails outside of session. She’s told me a couple times I’ve never told anyone this before. Etc. what are your thoughts? Can it be beneficial to me if I was really isolated and in a dv relationship?
I’m in therapy and going through a huge life transition. I recently made a concrete decision I had been circling for a long time , signing a lease for my own place after years of being in a confusing/unhealthy relationship dynamic.
I emailed my therapist afterward basically just saying, “I signed it.” I couldn’t even explain more than that. She replied that she was proud of me and said I could have stayed stuck in indecision indefinitely, but instead I made a concrete decision.
It hit me harder than I expected.
In session, she talked about how this decision gives me a “nucleus” to build around , like now I can plan the budget, the kids’ school, work, boundaries, etc. She also said she’s curious who I am when I’m not constantly reacting to someone else’s mood. That made me emotional because I don’t think I’ve ever really had my own space or my own life without adapting to someone else.
I feel grateful, but also weirdly scared. Like her kindness makes me want to pull away because I’m not used to someone being steady and actually seeing me. Part of me wants some kind of structured tether between sessions, not constant access to her, but maybe a book, workbook, or ongoing theme we track together so I don’t feel like I’m floating between sessions.
Has anyone else had this experience where your therapist being genuinely warm/proud of you felt both healing and terrifying?
I really appreciate her and don’t want to do anything that would push her away.