u/ThrowRA12349876123

I’m 37F and my husband is 35M.

For a while now I’ve noticed he spends a lot more time on his phone, especially over the Christmas holidays, and something about it had been bothering me enough that I finally gave in to a bad feeling and looked through his photos and Facebook watch history.

What I found honestly shocked me.

**There were a bunch of saved screenshots and screen recordings of sexualized women from Facebook reels/videos — nearly nude women, women flashing themselves, creators advertising explicit content, OF account screenshots, etc. It honestly felt curated and collected over time, not just random scrolling. I found a private folder too. When I checked his Facebook watch history, I also saw he watches this type of content almost daily**. I didn’t search his Reddit but I have a feeling he has more saved there too.

I’m struggling to figure out whether I’m **overreacting or whether this would genuinely cross a line for other people in a marriage.** I know porn and fantasy are normal, but the amount of saved content and repeated engagement is what’s bothering me most.

**What also hurts is that we already have an active sex life,** and I genuinely make an effort to meet his needs even though his libido is higher than mine. Seeing all of this suddenly made me feel inadequate and honestly kind of humiliated. He even made a comment to me this morning after sex, along the lines of “See when we have sex everyday how long I can last” and it just didn’t sit right with me. We have been having sex more often recently because I track my cycle and we are in a safe zone.

**For women in long-term relationships: would this bother you? At what point does “normal fantasy/porn behavior” start feeling excessive or disrespectful in a marriage? I do not watch porn but have never explicitly stated a boundary to my husband that he should not be looking at these videos or watching porn. I just assumed he would only have eyes for me and believe that this behavior isn’t healthy? I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s just not sitting well with me but I want to approach it rationally and calmly.**

Recently I heard his second personal phone going off and picked it up to silence it. A photo memory notification popped up from a recent trip we took, so I opened the photo library to look at the pictures.

What I found completely shocked me.

His iPhoto library is synced with his main phone, and there were tons of screen recordings and screenshots saved of nearly nude women, girls flashing their boobs, highly sexualized reels/videos, and screenshots of Facebook profiles/content creators. One even advertised herself as a “mattress actress.”

There were SO many that it honestly felt like a collection.

Then I checked his Facebook watch history and saw that nearly every day he’s watching these women’s reels and videos.

Now I’m spiraling a bit wondering:

Is this just porn/fantasy behavior?
Is he saving these women to look up later on OnlyFans?
Is this normal and I’m being naive?
Or is this crossing a line in a marriage?

What hurts is that he already has a much higher sex drive than I do, and I genuinely try hard to meet him halfway. We have sex often, (nearly every day) and even when I’m not really in the mood I still try to take care of him because I know intimacy matters to him.
But after seeing all of this, I suddenly feel like I’m not enough no matter what I do.

Women: would this bother you if you found it?

Men: is this actually common behavior, or does this seem excessive?