u/ThrowRA749759274

I (28F) have been seeing a guy (28M) for about 4 months, and we recently became exclusive. Everything has been great and I genuinely had no reason not to trust him until this happened.
I recently tested positive for an STI.

Before we met, he was single and has always been open with me about having slept with other people. Not an unreasonable amount, but enough to get an STI. I had only been sleeping with the same person for the previous couple of years.

I started having symptoms pretty early into seeing him. About a month later, he voluntarily got an STI screening because we were considering becoming exclusive eventually. His test was negative and I saw the actual results. He had the basic urine test (I didn’t even know you could do oral ones - basically I’m saying he could have had it in his throat and not known or tested positive).

Now, months later, I’ve tested positive. When I told him, he immediately went to get tested again, agreed to show me his results, and has repeatedly told me he hasn’t slept with anyone else. Before this, he’s never given me a reason to think he’s dishonest. We’re waiting on his results now but they won’t help me much as we’ve been sleeping together for 4 months and could have easily passed it all over each other for a while considering my early symptom.

The possibility I can’t get out of my head is that his earlier test really was negative, he slept with someone afterward while we were exclusive, caught something and gave it to me. There are also explanations where the infection was already present earlier (like bleeding) and unfortunately I can’t determine when I acquired it.

My options are either to believe that he unknowingly had it and passed it to me and is telling the truth or is lying and is a terrible person. We only became exclusive recently (3 weeks) and I’ve made it clear if he saw someone else before I would not care in the slightest.

I really like him and want to continue seeing him. He’s treated me the best out of all the guys I’ve ever been with and I really don’t think he would lie. At the same time, I’m scared I’m giving someone the benefit of the doubt when I shouldn’t. This would be a huge thing to lie about and a serious concern. My friends keep suggesting he’s lying, but I seriously
believe him.

How would you approach trust in this situation? Is it reasonable to continue the relationship unless I actually find evidence that he’s lied, or is the uncertainty itself something I should take more seriously?

I (20F) recently tested positive for gonorrhea and I’m trying to understand which exposure makes more sense.

Timeline:

1. Had unprotected sex with A (20M) after being with him for several years. We broke up. About 4 days later, developed a persistent sore throat. It lasted for months and I tested negative for strep.

2. 12 days after A, I first had sex with B (20M). We used condoms every time. About a week after first sleeping with B, I noticed irregular bleeding. It was brief at first but eventually became more frequent and I developed pelvic pain.

3. About 1 month after B and I first had sex, B had a full STI screening and tested negative for gonorrhea and everything else. I saw the actual results.

About 2 months after I first slept with B, my symptoms were getting worse so I finally got tested and was positive for gonorrhea.

B and I continued sleeping together after his negative test, always using condoms except once, two weeks after his test. We recently became exclusive. He says he hasn’t slept with anyone else since we started seeing each other and immediately got retested after I told him I was positive. We’re waiting for that result.

I’m confused because my first symptom appeared after A, but the bleeding/pelvic symptoms appeared after meeting B. Everyone in my life tells me it’s B and I need to leave because he his lying to me about an STI.

Does this timeline make it more likely that I contracted gonorrhea from A and unknowingly carried it untreated for months? And would B testing negative a month after we started sleeping together be possible if I was already infected?

I’m also wondering what it means if B’s new test comes back positive — could I have transmitted it to him sometime after his original negative test?
I know nobody can tell me for certain who gave it to me. I’m just trying to understand which scenario is more consistent with the timing/testing.

Could I have gotten it from B? that’s what everyone in my life seems to think .

I (20F) recently tested positive for gonorrhea and the timing has left me questioning whether I can trust the guy I’m currently seeing.

Before B (20M), I had unprotected sex with A (20M). who was my bf of 4 years at the time. We broke up. About 4 days later I developed a sore throat (oral gonorrhea?) that ended up lasting for months (I even tested negative for strep).

12 days after A, I started seeing B. We used condoms every time. About a week after first sleeping with B, I noticed some irregular bleeding. It only happened briefly at first, so I didn’t think much of it. Over time I developed more symptoms, including pelvic pain.

About a month after B and I first slept together, he got an STI screening because we were talking about becoming exclusive. He had no idea of my bleeding symptoms at the time because I thought it was just a weird period thing. Everything was negative, including gonorrhea. I saw the results myself.

Guy B and I continue to sleep together. Mostly protected, I think one time not but that was about two weeks after his negative test. About a month after that, my symptoms had gotten worse, so I finally got tested and was positive for gonorrhea.

B and I only became exclusive recently, long after my symptoms started. He swears he hasn’t been with anyone else since then. When I told him about my result, he went to get tested again the next morning without any hesitation and offered to show me the hard copy results. We’re waiting for those now.

I’m struggling with whether this is actually a reason to distrust B. Part of me is suspicious because of the diagnosis, but the other part keeps coming back to the fact that my symptoms started very early on, he had a negative test after we’d already been sleeping together, and we weren’t even exclusive when this originally began.

Would you consider B’s behaviour/timeline suspicious, or am I letting the STI diagnosis make me question a relationship when there isn’t actually evidence he was unfaithful? Do I have reason to believe I got it from A, considering B’s negative test results two months ago?