u/ThrowRAheregoes

This is not a question, but more of an appreciation post for the gift of growing older.

I’ve been on this sub for a few months, and am turning 60 today. As for many of us, life so far has not been easy, but it has had its good points. I raised an exceptionally kind and empathetic son, in spite of his abusive, manipulative father. I have work that I find exceptionally challenging and exceptionally rewarding, and I hope to retire around 65. 

I spent the years after my divorce at 50 hopeful for romantic love, only to become increasingly disillusioned with each of three significant relationships (one lasted 4 years, the other two lasted at most 9 months). Finally stepped back at 59, focused on my own interests and health, completed an intense trauma therapy series, and settled into being peacefully alone. 

Therapy and time on my own helped immensely, and the ingrained feelings from decades of hurt, anger, and resentment have seemed to kind of flatten out, fall like scales from my eyes, and settle beneath my feet, for lack of a better description. I am finally able to embrace that, although I am far from perfect, I was always, and remain, abundantly lovable and gloriously enough (even if I am the only one who thinks so!).

Anyway, Happy Birthday to me! At 60, I feel like I am finally at home in myself.

I have always been one of those people who love their job (I am a teacher and love it, even though it is demanding and requires hours of unpaid labor for grading/prep, etc.) and want to keep working until 67 or so, when Social Security benefits are optimized. I have done a fairly good job of maintaining my health, but as I edge towards 60 (birthday in two weeks), I feel my body breaking down, my energy is lower, and my vision is getting fuzzier, etc. I don't have thyroid issues, but still feeling more tired.

What no one tells those of us who want to keep working as long as we can is how challenging that will be. The workload we carried energetically at 40 may seem like an arduous mountain climb at 60, just due to the natural effects of aging. We are likely earning more than we did at 40, and our employer will, understandably, expect us to do the job fully.

I unfortunately divorced at 50 (not initiated by me), so I don't have a spouse to fall back on to allow me to retire early. I have dated and even had a fiancé in the ten years since my divorce, but, in the end, did not meet anyone who seemed like a good bet for companionship in old age unless I was willing to be a full-time caretaker. If I were to retire before 65 (when Medicare kicks in), paying for individual health insurance would be financially untenable (unless there are plans I am not aware of through AARP or something). Independent school, so no pension but a 401K.

I will continue to work and do my best to take care of my health, so I guess I am looking for encouragement and sympathy/commiseration from other ladies who find themselves in the same boat.

How do you keep yourself motivated to "show up" fully on the job when your body and mind are winding down?