I know I won’t hear “well done my good and faithful servant” but I just want to get into heaven and forget everything about Earth and my time living. I’ve messed up everything. I will stand before God and admit it. I just don’t want for this all to end and wind up in hell for eternity for not fulfilling God’s plan for my life.
I know I won’t hear “well done my good and faithful servant” but I just want to get into heaven and forget everything about Earth and my time living. I’ve messed up everything. I will stand before God and admit it. I just don’t want for this all to end and wind up in hell for eternity for not fulfilling God’s plan for my life.
Still waiting for my method to arrive. Feels surreal. I have nothing left to live for and have ruined everything. But it’s weird trying to conceptualize how it’s going to feel. I hate myself. But it seems like a waste of time feeling anything when I’ve doomed myself.
Still waiting for my gun to arrive. Feels surreal. I have nothing left to live for and have ruined everything. But it’s weird trying to conceptualize how it’s going to feel. I hate myself. But it seems like a waste of time feeling anything when I’ve doomed myself.
If to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, then why is death (outside of sorrow for the living) seen as such a bad thing?
My time is coming up soon and I am afraid because I haven’t really done much for the kingdom. I am not the worst person in the world, but definitely nowhere near the best or a great person. I accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was a child but never did much by way of spreading the gospel because Christianity already has such a bad reputation. I just tried to be an all-around accepting and decent person. I spent a lot of my work time doing things for the betterment of humanity, namely research on treating diseases. But outside of work, I mainly tried to focus on enjoying life with friends and family. I didn’t do much volunteering in my lifetime, never really gave to the poor, etc. I also struggled with sin and at one point started referring to myself as agnostic because I was mad at God and just wasn’t convinced in Christianity. However, as my time approaches, I still can’t shake my belief that God exists, but I’m wondering if my salvation has been revoked. If I need to rededicate what little life I have remaining to God, what would it look like to be in right-standing with Him? I don’t have money to donate, nor do I come across anyone that would need salvation. I just want to live eternally with God. I know this is an overall selfish desire. But life hasn’t been great and I’m just looking for a peaceful existence filled with love and joy after I go.
My time is coming up soon and I am afraid because I haven’t really done much for the kingdom. I am not the worst person in the world, but definitely nowhere near the best or a great person. I accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was a child but never did much by way of spreading the gospel because Christianity already has such a bad reputation. I just tried to be an all-around accepting and decent person. I spent a lot of my work time doing things for the betterment of humanity, namely research on treating diseases. But outside of work, I mainly tried to focus on enjoying life with friends and family. I didn’t do much volunteering in my lifetime, never really gave to the poor, etc. I also struggled with sin and at one point started referring to myself as agnostic because I was mad at God and just wasn’t convinced in Christianity. However, as my time approaches, I still can’t shake my belief that God exists, but I’m wondering if my salvation has been revoked. If I need to rededicate what little life I have remaining to God, what would it look like to be in right-standing with Him? I don’t have money to donate, nor do I come across anyone that would need salvation. I just want to live eternally with God. I know this is an overall selfish desire. But life hasn’t been great and I’m just looking for a peaceful existence filled with love and joy after I go.
Heavy trigger warning!
I am dealing with extremely negative feelings that have resulted in me wanting to end things. Long story short, I’ve made a lot of mistakes in life, the greatest of which is struggling with forming and maintaining deep relationships. It has resulted in me being fairly alone in this world. All I have wanted in life is to be surrounded by community and love and to feel like I truly belong. However, I am realizing that this desire might not come to fruition. I have been mostly alone for the majority of my life, and at my increasing age, the weight of the loneliness has only increased. Furthermore, I am keenly aware that finding new friendships and a romantic partner only get harder with age. I do not think I can continue in this lifetime with this pain. I wish this did not bother me and I could continue in life and do something meaningful. But I feel so hopeless.
I say this because I am concerned about what would happen to me afterwards. I grew up non-denominational, and accepted Jesus as my savior when I was a child. Admittedly I have struggled heavily with belief over the last few years. And even stopped calling myself a Christian, claiming to be agnostic. However, as I continue to wrestle with my impending death, I cannot fully accept that there is nothing after this lifetime. Assuming that God is love, I have been wondering if He would not accept me if my main reason for rededicating my life is because I want to be in heaven to experience all-encompassing love upon death. I feel like everyone says the main reason we should want to be in heaven is to worship God. And I am perfectly content with doing such, but, selfishly, I am more interested in finally feeling like I am not alone and that I am fully loved. I’ve heard when it comes to salvation that God can see and judge you based on your heart. I just worry that because my desire to be in Heaven is selfish and because I have had some doubts regarding my faith, that I won’t be accepted. I have not been a perfect person or Christian by far, and I am willing to answer for everything I have done in my lifetime come Judgement Day. But I don’t see any way I can feel joy or happiness in this lifetime, and I just want to finally feel whole.
Thank you in advance for any insight. I hope everyone here and in the world in general, finds happiness and fulfillment.
Heavy trigger warning!
I am dealing with extremely negative feelings that have resulted in me wanting to end things. Long story short, I’ve made a lot of mistakes in life, the greatest of which is struggling with forming and maintaining deep relationships. It has resulted in me being fairly alone in this world. All I have wanted in life is to be surrounded by community and love and to feel like I truly belong. However, I am realizing that this desire might not come to fruition. I have been mostly alone for the majority of my life, and at my increasing age, the weight of the loneliness has only increased. Furthermore, I am keenly aware that finding new friendships and a romantic partner only get harder with age. I do not think I can continue in this lifetime with this pain. I wish this did not bother me and I could continue in life and do something meaningful. But I feel so hopeless.
I say this because I am concerned about what would happen to me afterwards. I grew up non-denominational, and accepted Jesus as my savior when I was a child. Admittedly I have struggled heavily with belief over the last few years. And even stopped calling myself a Christian, claiming to be agnostic. However, as I continue to wrestle with my impending death, I cannot fully accept that there is nothing after this lifetime. Assuming that God is love, I have been wondering if He would not accept me if my main reason for rededicating my life is because I want to be in heaven to experience all-encompassing love upon death. I feel like everyone says the main reason we should want to be in heaven is to worship God. And I am perfectly content with doing such, but, selfishly, I am more interested in finally feeling like I am not alone and that I am fully loved. I’ve heard when it comes to salvation that God can see and judge you based on your heart. I just worry that because my desire to be in Heaven is selfish and because I have had some doubts regarding my faith, that I won’t be accepted. I have not been a perfect person or Christian by far, and I am willing to answer for everything I have done in my lifetime come Judgement Day. But I don’t see any way I can feel joy or happiness in this lifetime, and I just want to finally feel whole.
Thank you in advance for any insight. I hope everyone here and in the world in general, finds happiness and fulfillment.