u/ThrowRa-dazzle

Hi reddit, this is my first post ever so i'm not really sure how this works or if this is the right subreddit for this. Any names used will be changed.

So like the title says I'm starting to grow to dislike my sibling, I don't wanna say hate but we're getting there. Recently I've graduated college and since the job market right now isn't great, I've had to move back home, this is the main cause of the problem. Whilst I was in college I had my own apartment and my relationship with both my parents and my sibling were great. But now that I've moved back home I feel like I'm suffocating.

I should mention that my sibling is diagnosed autistic, they're non-verbal and working at about a 6th grade level as a senior in high school.

My old room was turned into something else and can't be used, so I've gone down into the guest bed in the basement. So I went from a whole apartment to myself, to one room which was a big adjustment. Also should mention, my sibling has had free rein of the basement for the entire time I've been at college. So also a big adjustment for them.

Now maybe I'm being an asshole, but I'm starting to grow resentment towards both my sibling and my parents for how they run the house. My sibling kinda gets a pass on most things since they have autism. What i mean by that is they don't have to do dishes, laundry, cleaning of any kind, if they make a mess either I or my parents will clean it, if they break something my parents will fix it or buy a new one, they have to be told when to do things like bathe, brush teeth, wash hands, etc. And if something doesn't go their way, they throw a tantrum, like smashing remotes, hitting computers, hitting themself, etc. It feels like we have to bend to their whim if we don't want a tantrum. And I'm sick of it.

For example yesterday they made a mess, idk random liquid was on the floor and since they're non-verbal we don't know what it was. Well I clean it up, since they won't and as I'm doing that my dad comes downstairs to see what's up. I explain and he starts questioning my sibling. Sibling just grunts (their way of saying I don't wanna talk about it) and goes to our storage room. Dad follows and asks where this electronic is cause that's probably what sibling wants, I tell my dad I took it and put it in my room. Dad asks why, I say because sibling doesn't need to mess with it. Dad gets pissy at me and tells me to give it to sibling. I ask why, dad says because that's what they want so just give it to them.

This has been happening for basically my whole life. I have to cave or give sibling whatever they want cause parents don't want to deal with meltdown. This is just one instance of it. As a kid I basically couldn't have anything of my own it was either shared or we "shared" it and then eventually I give up and just let them have it.

I've gotten upset since being home at these things, small things like the story I mentioned, like sibling gets to use 3 computers at a time or I can't play on our x-box because sibling will delete the file or won't hand over the controller. And every time I get upset they act like I'm the problem, I'm not giving enough grace to sibling because this is a big adjustment for them too. Or they look at it as the small thing it is and not the years of having to buckle to my siblings request. Even when I have my own apartment, if my parents and sibling came over, sibling got to run around and do whatever; mess with my washer and drying, mess with thermostat, mess with clocks and microwave. And if I said anything in regards to asking them to stop, I'm the bad guy because "they just want to check it out". Like imagine someone comes in your room and starts rearranging things to fit how they think it should look, that's what sibling does.

And parents are hurt by the fact that I hardly come out of my room anymore, I just stay in the basement.

I'm sick and tired of it and I don't know what to do other than try and get a job and move out, but I'm terrified I won't be able to land a job anytime soon and this will be my arrangement for much longer than I'd like. Any suggestions are welcome and appreciated.

edit: I do have a part time job that keeps me away for about 20 ish hours a week. But my sibling doesn't work, and my parents work at a school so everyone is on summer vacation, meaning everyone is home essentially everyday. And conversations regarding how i feel to my parents are mainly taken as jabs at their parenting style and that my opinion is essentially invalid since i have no idea how hard it is to have a child with autism.

edit 2: I have a lock on the door, but it's one that can easily be turned by putting your fingernail in the slot, tho sibling hasn't tried to go in my room since I moved in, so the room is a safe space.