u/ThrowawayBiMan88

After coming out as bisexual to my (30F)wife a while ago, she has been amazingly supportive. Recently, she has let me know that she supports me (36M) exploring my sexuality (closeted for 18yrs) with others.

While supportive, we are both worried about the affect me exploring could have on our relationship. We have 3 kids and our marriage has been beautiful and full of love over the last 12 years. We have established safe boundaries and I have made it clear that if she is uncomfortable with it that it all stops immediately. We have a very happy marriage and the sex is fantastic.

On my end, I’m scared that doing this will have a negative effect on our marriage because the fact is, once the deed is done it is done. Despite her efforts to reassure me, I’m scared of hurting her. I’m scared that while I’m spending time with someone else she will be hurt.

On her end, she has been open and fully explained her feelings and concerns, which we have talked about. She is concerned that I may want someone else instead of her (ie I enjoy sex with a man more), which I have explained isn’t the case. Sex with her is backed by love, excitement, and our life together; sex with anyone else is just sex. She is afraid of losing the emotional attachment as well as the physical.

We are both trying to work full this fully before any decisions or actions take place. Any advice, resources, or thoughts are genuinely appreciated.

So I made a post on here a couple weeks ago about coming out to my wife, which went really, really well. Since then, we have had several talks about it and both of our feelings about it.

Today, she told me that if I ever wanted to “experience” my sexuality with a guy that she would be open to it.

She means to be supportive and says that she would be ok with it. I, however, am on the fence. On one hand, I love my wife more than anything and struggle with the idea of being with anyone else, regardless of gender. On the other hand, I’ve spent the better part of 19 years hiding this and AM curious to experience it.

I love my wife, our marriage, and the life we have built together. I believe her when she says she would be open to it, but I’m afraid to risk our healthy marriage for my own “selfishness”.

Does anyone have any advice or experienced this before? I told her I’m not there yet, but what if I am in the future? I’m confused and would love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks and much love.

I’ve known that I (M) have been attracted to other men and women both since I was 17-18years old.

When I was 18, I told my father before leaving for the military that I was Bisexual and his response was “I don’t care, but it won’t keep you from joining so you’re still going in.” Bear in mind, I was deeply committed to joining regardless. When I told him this, he said I was only doing it to try to get out of joining. My lovely step mother asked “Well can you imagine another guy behind you?”. I was already upset and just said no. To them, that settled it and we never spoke again.

FF 3 years and I came out to a friends wife, because I thought she was safe. A week later I was kicked out and told” I don’t want some f***ot around trying to molest my kids”. I was hurt, betrayed and just left.

Finally, a couple of years after that, my brother came out as a gay man. We were all welcoming, supportive, and happy to see him be his true self. In the moment I felt like I would be accepted as well, so I came out to my Mom over dinner a couple weeks later. She said “Well, are you sure? I wouldn’t bring it up, we need to be there and support your brother.” That was the end of that.

For ten long, amazing years I have been married to an amazing woman. We are truly best friends, but I kept my secret the whole time. I felt terrible. Finally, two nights ago, I talked to her and let it all out. I told her how sorry I was for keeping it from her, that I was scared (still am) and I’ve tried to bury this but I couldn’t anymore.

She held me. She told me she loved me, that she was so glad I opened up to her and that she loved all of me. She told me she would be supportive, stand by me if I decided to open up to others, and that it didn’t change how she felt.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like myself. I’m sorry for the long post, but I wanted to tell my story.

TL;DR: Tried coming out as bisexual to family and friends and it went poorly. His it for 10 years, then told my wife, who was extremely supportive. Now I feel like my authentic self.