u/Time-Paramedic-5426

Hi everyone, I am new here and am really just looking for some insight on my situation. So I have been considering the idea that I might be bisexual. Here's what I know so far.

So I am certain that I am attracted to men as a woman, as my parents are homophobic, so I always just assumed heterosexuality as a default and never really questioned that attraction. My initial draw to men is also very sexually charged and less romantic but as time goes on it is a combination of both.

For women, I get like an initial jolt of excitement seeing someone attractive and feel like I could just look at them all day. So less sexual but more like I'm beguiled by them. The most invalidating part is that I have never actually had a crush on a woman. In fact, I've only really had 1 crush in my life that was more of a projection of ideas of that person than actual interaction with them. Meanwhile, I'm almost 20 and have never dated anyone, so I have no real experience to solidify any feelings that I might be having. There could also have been some influence from insecurities and internalized homophobia. I have some pretty big issues surrounding feeling accepted, and I feel like in a relationship, I would value a woman's opinion more than a man's, so maybe there is some self-rejection involved that has prevented me from pursuing that avenue.

So if anyone has any ideas for me about whether I'm bi or not or thinks maybe I'm taking the bi pipeline to somewhere else I would appreciate anything you have to offer.

Even from the very first time I heard this phrase it has not sat right with me. I know that, understood very literally, it has a positive connotation but I feel like the way the phrase is used is almost weaponized in relationships. Let me explain... In media this sentance is often spoken by the complacent 'family supporting' husband. From memory I can recall 2 outstanding instances of this. The first is Rafael the tucan from the kids movie Rio. The second was of Murray fro the popular tv show The Goldbergs. And what I notice is that for the majority of the time both are depicted with disconnect from the family unit used as almost a form of commical relief. Rafael has his many overwhelming kids and a wife that gets mad as he tries to sneak a break from his family by going to Carnival. Murray has his rag tag family that he stays largely uninvolved with by lounging on his favourite arm chair all day watching tv. I understand that writers often use these themes to help bring stories entertainment value but the idea of the father wanting to get away has always sat wrong with me. As if women aren't portrayed as housewives in media all the time as in real life with such a large physical, mental, emotional burden. But it's the men that want to get away???

But the whole point I am trying to make is that the way media has used the phrase 'happy wife happy life' in my opinion breeds complacency in relationships. It insinuates that a husband should pose no apposition to the wife and allow her to essentially do what she wants because it will be better for both of them. No couple should allow one person to run the show in order to avoid arguments or conflict. Relationships are give and take and require all partners to contribute to the relationship. To take a back seat essentially puts the other person in a position to be demonized for 'taking control' while in reality there has a been a pull back in effort and emotional engagement from one person which forces the other to take up more responsibilty to compensate. So often to say 'happy wife happy life' is to allow that idea to take reality. In media the husband too often steps back emotionally to 'make the wife happy' and allow her to 'do whatever she wants' but is really just withholding the 2 sidedness of a healthy relationship. Another person having opinions is not a valid reason to withold connection and it is important that kids see this distinction in media so that women are not continually seen as opposition to men in heterosexual relationships.

I feel like I may have not told my points in exactly the way I was intending to but this is just my 2 cents and I would love to get any other opinions about this topic or anything you might have to offer.