u/Tiny-Conclusion560

I know I feel trans. I know that there’s ~something~ up with my gender. I know if I am transmasc/ or a trans man I’d be a feminine one. I envy men and feel like I align more with masculinity in many ways. I struggle to relate to other girls. And yet, tell me why I get such intense gender envy of cis women sometimes? Maybe because I feel that’s inaccessible to me? I’m jealous that it comes so easily to them. I also have always felt like a pretty shitty woman. And it’s a struggle if perhaps those feelings are indicative of me wanting to be closer or further away from that identity.

I’m also not even that certain I have a non binary identity because sometimes I do feel pretty binary. Though maybe in both directions ? I don’t know. When I lean more into being a “woman” or trying to emulate aspects from these girls I may see, i end up feeling like that’s great for them but not for me. I feel mostly uncomfortable when I’ve done that. But I still feel a bit envious. And then very confused all over again. I’ve been questioning for so long now, I’m losing my mind a bit. I’m worried maybe I’m going in the wrong directions if these are the feelings that arise? Anyone else relate to this struggle?

I am pretty sure I am bigender or genderfluid. I tend to experience myself in mostly binary ways, sometimes at the same time but I don’t often ~feel~ non binary. If that makes sense. (I know it’s an umbrella term so I do identify with it in that sense)

I’m struggling with the fluidity aspect. I cant tell if I’m having dysphoria that ebbs and flows or if it’s just me being bi gender. In any case, I’ve been sort of waiting to feel clarity on being trans masc or even a femme trans man. But when I start to feel comfortable with that I realize I do feel comfy being a girl sometimes. Even more so, now, after exploring my gender and giving myself permission to not be- I really needed to be freed from gendered expectations.

I’m struggling accepting that I can be lots of things at once. How can I enjoy or feel comfortable as a girl and still ideate and wish I could be a guy or be a boyfriend. But when I really run with that, I feel I’m suppressing the “girl” parts of my identity. But the thoughts and ideations remain.

It’s confusing. And I feel a bit ashamed. I have impulses that are equally strong in both “directions”. I don’t know exactly where this will all go but how did you come to accept yourself? I still sometimes also doubt that it’s possible. I totally believe and respect other people’s identities but for me, I have a hard time believing and wish I could be something else. (I know, not great). Any wisdom would be appreciated, thank you.

After a period of a lot of expansion, doing things I haven’t done in so long, I’ve had a lowering of my baseline. I did some stupid marching in place exercise and was listening to a DJ set so having fun. I thought why not? I’d been stable, I kept going longer than I would have and danced in my room and made dinner that night. That triggered a flare (a kind of PEM I haven’t had in a long time) and I’m still in it and I know how lucky I am for everything I CAN do but being so close to living my life and then being walloped once again is getting to me.

I also am well enough that I have started processing my trauma from being extremely severe and honestly it is making me incredibly depressed. I haven’t experienced anything like this, really. The sadness and grief feels unrelenting. I hadn’t allowed myself to consider I wouldn’t get better but now I’m grappling with what it would it mean if I don’t. I’ve been sick for 4 years. I have so much I want to do. And now can’t. I feel so incredibly stuck.

That and the passing of Sam have just really felt like a gut punch this week. I didn’t know him but I just feel so sad. It feels very heavy.

Thanks for letting me vent guys. I love you all, please keep going if you can. You’re not alone.

I have been in gender questioning jail for a while. As I don’t have many other means to experiment or play with my gender, the other day I made the fatal error of picking up scissors and trying to cut my hair myself. I have some health issues so it’s hard to get out to a barber or a hair salon, so I figured I’d try my own hand. I have cut my hair at home for years, just never as short as I attempted.

Ugh, I basically ended up with a real wonky pixie cut. Due to life circumstances and said health stuff, I’m living with my parents for now. It feels really vulnerable to be experimenting w my appearance while living with them. I feel almost ashamed that my confusion was so strong I felt compelled to just cut my hair myself. I feel like now my confusion is externalized. My hair looks as confused as I feel. And I’m not sure the short hair makes me feel better. I know it’s unfair to judge having short hair by this but I’m not sure the short hair helps, either. I almost am ashamed for wanting to look more masculine. Or now I feel like maybe I don’t want that. It makes me feel like there’s nothing that’s going to make me feel better or maybe that I’m cis afterall and now I feel ashamed. I don’t know, it’s a weird feeling.

I guess I just needed a space to vent about that. Any thoughts or words of wisdom very welcome 💓

I am getting really confused about the difference of feeling like I’m just not a good enough woman, or cis girl, because of always feeling off or different. Even in the way I see the world, process emotions and relate to other girls. I have been in gender questioning hell for a while and haven’t found anything that really helps. Frankly, it freaks me out to think I WOULDN’t be trans / NB because then, what? It’s all internalized bullshit from society? Having PMOS has REALLY informed this. That really annoys me. But the ultimate goal I guess is just to feel good in body regardless.

I’m tired of my PMOS confusing me because of what? My narrow view of what a woman is? But then, when I started seeing myself as not a woman a lot of my PCOS traits I resented started to become kind of cool and I’m proud of it.

Anyway god I’m sorry this is kind of a rant. Would be very welcoming to hear any of your perspectives :) how have any of you made sense of this stuff? ty !!

I feel like I can’t start exploring more or doing more social transitioning until I have top surgery. Mostly because my chest gives me the most dysphoria but when I try to remedy it and bind or dress masculine- it makes me feel like a clown. My chest is so large binding is just not effective and clothes do NOT fit right. It makes me really itchy and upset. It makes thing worse.

I am curious about T but I have PMOS and already have a shit ton of body hair, comparable to a cis man. I’m hesitant to start T unless I have top surgery because I don’t like the idea of continuing to be perceived as some masculine woman. I’m already perceived that way. I’m not sure that would help how I feel. My gender also leans more feminine man, in a perfect world. I don’t mind being a bit feminine I just don’t want to necessarily be a woman.

I can’t get top surgery for at least year, maybe more, for both health and financial reasons. It’s a long term goal at this point. But I guess…how else could I explore my gender? Or relieve some dysphoria? I don’t want to sound too negative but I feel i don’t have a ton of options atm. Is there anything else I can do??

That’s it. That’s the post.
I guess what worries me is that I could somehow logic or twist my thoughts so hard that I could believe I could be trans.
Or that if I’m not trans, then what are my excuses for how hard things feel for me in my body, life? Then I run out of reasonable root causes. That maybe somehow I’m just wrong. And inalienably different with no way to feel better.

I guess I hate to think I could get carried away with an idea.

If I am just cis, I feel at least like I am better for questioning. And I’ve walked away with a more complex relationship to gender. But still. I wish I wasn’t. Which I also know is absurd because being trans right now and in general also is really fucking hard. I just don’t know.

New to flirting with trans masc identity. Want to see how this feels. Ty<3

I have a few other ideas or options but will leave this here, for now.

Thanks all, much appreciate it.

I have POCS and pretty severe chronic illness post covid for the last four years. I’d been steadily losing hair over the last year and a half. Luckily, my general shedding has slowed but now my hairline is receding a lot. It is stressing me out.

Is there any hope for regrowth? I’ve been doing topical minoxidil and I think the shed of that makes me panic and I stop and that has just made things worse 😭

Has anyone been able to regrow their hairline or is it gone forever?!

I’ve been steadily losing hair. Luckily, my general shedding has slowed but my hairline is receding a lot. It is stressing me out.

Is there any hope for regrowth? I’ve been doing topical minoxidil and I think the shed of that makes me panic and I stop and that has just made things worse 😭

Has anyone been able to regrow their hairline or is it gone forever?!

I have PCOS which is partly why I think I hadn’t considered going on T in the past. I was made fun of and felt so much shame about my body hair growing up. I think if I had less, I would be excited about embracing it or showing it off. But wires got crossed in my brain as a kid and I associate it with all the ways I failed at being a woman.

Since coming out as non binary, my relationship to my body hair has changed. It is starting to grow on me ;) BUT I still want a bit less or to groom. However, I also resent this at the same time. Grooming my body hair to me, means being “fixed”. And I always resented that. Even if sometimes I deeply wanted it. I also feel scared to go out with unshaved legs. I have dark leg hair on pale skin. And a lot of it. If I don’t read as masculine in other ways, this stresses me out,

I guess this is just ramble-y. Does anyone have advice about to have a better relationship to your body or internalized shame? I actually hate the process of shaving because it’s so involved for me and usually just leads to ingrowns, bumps. It doesn’t look much better. Anyway anyone else come across this?

Also, is it ok to be trans masc nonbinary and not love your body hair? It has led to a lot of shame and what I even thought was dysphoria in the past. This has made understanding my gender identity really confusing. But anyway, just navigating all of this. Anyone else relate ?

I feel embarrassed to talk about this. I guess I still feel there’s a bit of taboo when talking about sex and ME. but it’s only been the last week or two I’ve really been feeling how damaging it’s felt to not have intimate relationships. It’s not just sexual. I miss being cuddled. I miss companionship. I miss being loved and seen as attractive/ sexual. I miss the sexual side of me. I feel really sad that I’ve had to shut that part of myself off nearly completely. I get very emotional when I think of it.

I’ve improved a bit and would love a relationship or to date. But I feel so much shame now. I feel damaged. My body has changed, I feel unattractive. I don’t have capacity to groom or dress the way I want. And in all that I also have been questioning my gender and can’t do much about that now. It’s making everything complicated.

I want to get close to someone but I also feel I need to keep people away. Because I’m scared. And because I simply don’t have capacity.

Just venting. It really sucks.

I used to identify as a cis queer women and most of my life have been romantically interested in women. My sexuality is pretty fluid though. But anyway, lately I’ve noticed most of my crushes have been on GNC men. Often gay or femme. I’ve enjoyed imagining myself in gay relationships and this has made me question my gender a bit. I briefly identified as non binary in my early twenties but frankly, my friends laughed at me and considering I didn’t have the severe kind of dysphoria some of my trans friends did, I kind of just moved on for a minute.

But I basically now think about my gender every day. I’ve been questioning and really struggling the last few months. I feel I dont necessarily want to completely let go of being a woman but I keep becoming more and more drawn into what it would be like to be a man and with other men. I generally am not attracted to straight men and I don’t like the idea of being in a straight relationship because that makes me uncomfortable.

On the flip side, I do like being the “femme” in masc or butch / femme dynamics. So I find this confusing.

Are there are other queer women who have experienced this? Am I thinking too hard into things? I realized too, most of my attraction to women were on butch or GNC women. I wonder if I’ve always been t4t in a certain way and just didn’t realize. And I want to make clear, this is partly sexual but I very much mean romance. I worry this could come off as fetishizing but that is not how it feels to me. I am sincerely questioning my identity and romantic feelings. I’m just mostly confused about my gender and wanted to see if others experienced this. Or if anyone has any words of wisdom. Thanks so much!

Coming into town for the day, what would be your perfect Cork City day? (From say 9am- 6pm)

Maybe looking for a place to enjoy outdoor pints, a meal or two, a cute book shop or independent store or two, a nice view?

What do you all think?

New to the Island but definitely want to get to get top surgery or a radical reduction in the next 2-5 years. (Hopefully sooner but planning ahead a bit)

I don’t even know where to start with all this. I’m not on T or anything either, not sure if I’d like to be but I’m considering that as well.

From what I read, it will mean probably going to mainland Europe…but…how? Do you start with your GP? Has anyone successfully done this? What was the process like? And how do you start it? Thanks in advance x forgive me for being dense.

Ugh this is embarrassing. But in the past my type generally has been masc/ GNC women. I also found myself very well, I’d say intrigued, by trans men. I think the feeling was more “oh wow you could do that? Be that?” Rather than sexualizing etc. but I do find masculinity attractive and gender fuckery attractive as well. And I generally like people who are visibly queer, whatever the gender.

But i’ve been thinking more and more lately that I may be much more trans masc than I thought. The last few days, when I’ve noticed my face looks masculine or even when I bind and note my broad shoulders/ flat chest…I feel…turned on? Attracted to myself? Ugh this is so embarrassing. I worry about this being a fetish or something. It is stressing me out.

Anyone else struggle with this?:/ is this normal?

I just am processing likely being trans, probably gender fluid but I’ve been feeling more and more “he/they” and less “she/he/they”. Despite years of feeling ~mostly~ ok being a girl. I’m kind of freaking out how I could experience such a shift. And it also puts me off making any further changes that feel right to me NOW because how could I know I won’t feel differently in the future? I guess I’m scared of any irreversible effects.

How do you cope ? How can I make sense of this? It’s been all well and good questioning and fantasizing about different options or futures but today I’ve shifted from the thought experiments, denial etc to “holy shit I think I actually am trans”. And everything that means. And just wondering how I can process such a shift in my experience of myself.

I am super depressed about my hair loss. I’ve lost a huge amount and my hairline has receded a bunch. It’s very hard to get access to a doctor where I live. I started minoxidil but thought maybe it could be improved by diet and supplements. Because the minoxidil was making my facial hair grow (growing on my face around my hairline but not on my hairline 😭) more and also leading to more shedding which I just couldn’t cope with.

Any advice? I know it’s elevated testosterone and also extreme chronic stress due to life changes.

I’m really really struggling.

Can my hairline grow back? I’m scared it’s gone forever. I also became very disabled due to long covid (not helping my hormonal issues) Andi just can’t stand losing something else. In addition to everything I’ve lost. Could really use some support or guidance.

Realized recently I am likely trans- maybe genderfluid, maybe Demi girl, maybe just nonbinary, maaaybe trans masc. still working it all out. But as im exploring the process I’m realizing i feel pressure to alter my presentation or be more masculine. Part of me, wants to explore that and it absolutely does feel authentic. The other part of me really enjoys being feminine. But I don’t feel like I can explore my gender to the extent I want with both my body and my presentation being cis woman passing. It makes me uncomfortable.

I can’t really do much to change my body right now - can’t take HRT or get top surgery (which id like to) so I feel like the only way to express my gender is through clothes. But I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

In reality, I dress fairly androgynous. Playful but truly a man could wear what I wear and it would prob just read as slightly femme. Andi like that!

But I’m just struggling to figure out the pieces of the puzzle and know what direction to head in. I’ve been feeling super dysphoric and bad and as soon as I recognized it in myself, I can’t stop thinking about it. I just am wondering if anyone can give me some guidance on how to take steps and also, not give in to the pressure of feeling like I have to dress the most boy to feel affirmed or perceived in my gender. I don’t want to give up my femininity but I guess I still have a mental block with accepting that my femininity does =\= woman. And ALSO i want to find ways to alleviate the discomfort I’ve been feeling. You know?

Hi all, I’m from the states and moved here last year. I’m 31, queer and non binary. Living somewhat rural and don’t have a drivers license yet. The town I’m in is progressive enough and I definitely feel safe but I still stick out. I love Ireland but I do miss seeing more visibly queer people around and having community. I know I have to effort into getting to the city to remedy this- closest to me being Cork. Everytime I have it’s been a tonic. But it’s not possible to do very often.

I’m also single and would love to date but struggling on the apps and all.

Anyone have advice for feeling a bit isolated? I’d love to meet more queer folks. Or anyone know of pride events in Cork coming up? Or just events/ meet ups in general? Thanks !