u/Tiny-Conclusion560

I really am feeling confused and would love to talk to others who have similar experiences. I am exploring my identity and think I may be non binary. But all of this is also wrapped up in my PCOS/PMOS. Part of this is due to the sort of feeling of being “at odds” to femininity. Like watching it from the outside in. I’ve said this was due to my PCOS symptoms but i honestly also remember feeling this way even before puberty so I don’t know what’s what.

It’s confusing because I’ve always felt like I “wanted to be a girl”. But that I wasn’t one. Like. I just didn’t feel like one. And again, not even when I started developing PCOS traits. Like forever .

But what’s messing me up is I definitely also struggle and have some version of gender dysphoria with my PCOS symptoms. So I can’t tell if it’s the feeling of failing femininity or feeling so uncomfortable in my body that’s partly triggering these thoughts. I know there are many ways to be a woman. I think if I really felt like a woman, some of these things wouldn’t feel so charged and my womanhood wouldn’t feel so fragile. I assume many of you on this Reddit feel frustrated and masculine and dysphoric but these feelings wouldn’t trigger you to question your gender? But maybe it’s more common. And maybe I just have a lot of work/ unlearning to do.

I am really trying to figure all this out. Does anyone else relate?

When you were questioning would you have moments of feeling 100% certain or clear- esp after having gender euphoria- and then literally a day or two later (or even the next morning) feel like…wait, what was I even on about everything is fine?

I guess I have definitely accepted and am fine with not being cis. But it’s funny because since I’ve started questioning and accepted, I’ve also had some days where I’m like “jk actually I’m just a girl”.

I know I’m way over thinking it but it is actually sincerely scary and hard for me to understand. Maybe I’m also getting caught in the binary again. I think I feel like a part of me wishes I was a trans guy and felt clear on that. like somehow it would make this process easier. But of course, I think things with me are a bit less binary (which ofc is so cool and awesome just can be confusing). I feel it’s making me doubt my feelings and self way more.

How do you all cope with the ups and downs? Is this normal? Do you ever feel…”certain”?

American, moved abroad with family, partly because I had been severely ill post covid and had to live with my folks. It has been an amazing experience but I may not be able to stay where I’m living more than another 6 months or year. Where in the US do you think has the most Covid conscious community or is the most receptive to masking?

This is very important to me and as I have slightly improved, I know the only way I will feel safe/ ok back in the states is if I can start having more connections, community and friendships- which I have lost when I was in the states due to my illness, life stuff and differences in covid safety values.

The other thing is I may no longer be able to afford to live where I was before- in California. Anyone know somewhere to live that has Covid conscious community, where you don’t get too much shit for masking in public (the odd comment here or there is fine), is fairly progressive and somewhat affordable?

I am happy to come home but also scared given the current climate.

Any thoughts? Thanks so much!

I’ve been questioning and feel I’m going in circles. I’ve landed back at maybe I’m just cis and nothing really to see here.

Growing up I did not have much of a yearning to change or alter my body or too much discomfort -still had some, hated puberty. There are many things that have led me to question but the biggest one is I have always felt like I was not the same as others who were assigned my gender and identify as cis women. I can’t explain it, it didn’t come with much logic either. It is just a sense or a feeling. And not even different based on behaviors or stereotypes like girls like barbies and I didn’t. (though lol I did always cut my Barbie’s hair off).

This isn’t the only thing that has led me to consider gender recently it’s just something that has always been there. And something I’ve wondered. I don’t necessarily feel like I want to be a man or a different gender but I feel like I already am. And feel shame about that.

Does transness sometimes manifests not just in the desire to be different or appear as the correct gender but also in the sense that you just innately are already different? and then working from there?

related to that, what would be the function of identifying as trans if you are ok with your current presentation, mostly? I guess I am just wondering why I’m putting myself through all this excavation of myself and maybe feeling a bit silly about it. Any thoughts? thanks so much.