u/TinyMtnofStone86

Hello, I'm in my second round of querying agents after getting rejected pretty succinctly (except for one who said 'maybe if you make edits' (without, of course, telling me what to edit)). This is a revised version from my first letter that went out. Thanks in advance!

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Dear [Agent Name],

What if love could not die, but instead decayed across eternity?

I am seeking representation for THE FLAYED GOD'S DAUGHTER, a 117,000-word adult grimdark literary fantasy drawing on Mesoamerican and Norse mythology. Blending gothic horror, reincarnation, and tragic immortality across centuries, it may appeal to readers of Alchemised by SenLinYu, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab, and The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang.

In ancient Teotihuacan, Zyanya is a gifted sculptor fleeing abuse and poverty in search of safety and meaning. After escaping exploitation by a powerful nobleman, she joins the priestesshood of the Temple of the Moon, where she falls deeply in love with a local farmer named Yolotli. Forbidden from forming attachments but unwilling to surrender either love or spiritual power, Zyanya makes a desperate bargain with the gods to bind their souls together forever.

Before the ritual can be completed, Yolotli is sacrificed atop the temple pyramid. In grief and defiance, Zyanya consumes his still-beating heart and transforms into an immortal creature sustained by blood.

Across centuries, Yolotli’s soul reincarnates into different bodies, genders, and even species, while Zyanya remains unchanged. Though she is always able to recognize him through an instinctive spiritual Pull, each reunion ends in loss. As the centuries pass, reincarnation itself begins to erode the coherence of identity, fragmenting the soul Zyanya is desperately trying to preserve.

Refusing to accept mortality, Zyanya gradually transforms from survivor into ruler, manipulating religion, empire, and entire civilizations in increasingly desperate attempts to control death itself. During one reincarnation cycle, the soul she seeks is reborn as the wife of a Norse warrior named Sigurd Mörkroth. When the woman dies in childbirth, Zyanya steals the infant child in a final attempt to preserve the soul she loves. The act destroys Sigurd, who bargains with the goddess Hel for immortality and founds the Order of the Dawn, a vampire-hunting organization dedicated to destroying Zyanya across generations.

In present-day New York, the conflict converges in Lucian, a young vampire hunter raised within the Order and descended from Sigurd’s bloodline. Sent to kill the oldest vampire in existence, Lucian instead finds himself drawn to Zyanya as she recounts her history to him at a vampire masquerade. He eventually discovers the truth: he carries the reincarnated soul Zyanya has pursued for two thousand years.

Terrified of losing him again, Zyanya attempts to stop time itself and escape the cycle of death forever, even as the gods themselves begin to awaken against her.

THE FLAYED GOD'S DAUGHTER is a standalone novel with series potential, told across multiple timelines and points of view.

[Author Bio, closing, etc.]

Hi All, I disappeared for a while to query and have had no success, except for one agent who said something along the lines of, maybe if you change some things (without telling me what to change, of course). Anyway, so I'm back for guidance on the revised version of my query letter, below, for my second round of querying. Thanks in advance!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear [Agent Name],

What if love could not die, but instead decayed across eternity?

I am seeking representation for THE FLAYED GOD'S DAUGHTER, a 117,000-word adult grimdark literary fantasy drawing on Mesoamerican and Norse mythology. Blending gothic horror, reincarnation, and tragic immortality across centuries, it may appeal to readers of Alchemised by SenLinYu, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab, and The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang.

In ancient Teotihuacan, Zyanya is a gifted sculptor fleeing abuse and poverty in search of safety and meaning. After escaping exploitation by a powerful nobleman, she joins the priestesshood of the Temple of the Moon, where she falls deeply in love with a local farmer named Yolotli. Forbidden from forming attachments but unwilling to surrender either love or spiritual power, Zyanya makes a desperate bargain with the gods to bind their souls together forever.

Before the ritual can be completed, Yolotli is sacrificed atop the temple pyramid. In grief and defiance, Zyanya consumes his still-beating heart and transforms into an immortal creature sustained by blood.

Across centuries, Yolotli’s soul reincarnates into different bodies, genders, and even species, while Zyanya remains unchanged. Though she is always able to recognize him through an instinctive spiritual Pull, each reunion ends in loss. As the centuries pass, reincarnation itself begins to erode the coherence of identity, fragmenting the soul Zyanya is desperately trying to preserve.

Refusing to accept mortality, Zyanya gradually transforms from survivor into ruler, manipulating religion, empire, and entire civilizations in increasingly desperate attempts to control death itself. During one reincarnation cycle, the soul she seeks is reborn as the wife of a Norse warrior named Sigurd Mörkroth. When the woman dies in childbirth, Zyanya steals the infant child in a final attempt to preserve the soul she loves. The act destroys Sigurd, who bargains with the goddess Hel for immortality and founds the Order of the Dawn, a vampire-hunting organization dedicated to destroying Zyanya across generations.

In present-day New York, the conflict converges in Lucian, a young vampire hunter raised within the Order and descended from Sigurd’s bloodline. Sent to kill the oldest vampire in existence, Lucian instead finds himself drawn to Zyanya as she recounts her history to him at a vampire masquerade. He eventually discovers the truth: he carries the reincarnated soul Zyanya has pursued for two thousand years.

Terrified of losing him again, Zyanya attempts to stop time itself and escape the cycle of death forever, even as the gods themselves begin to awaken against her.

THE FLAYED GOD'S DAUGHTER is a standalone novel with series potential, told across multiple timelines and points of view.

After over a decade working as an attorney, I left the profession to pursue writing full time. I am a bisexual writer of Mi'kmaq (Wabanaki) descent, and my work explores identity, grief, transformation, and belonging.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,