u/TitanBP

Here's Something I worked out with my OCD counselor.

Imagine, for a moment, you are in your bedroom. Its spring, and there are birds flying around. Perhaps its just morning and you're waking up to the sounds of songbirds or the rude awakening of a rooster. Perhaps its mating season and the birds are chaotically flapping about your home, which they have decided to make their ground.

A bird lands on your window. You might not notice it at first. Maybe you notice right away. Maybe it sits there, without a care in the world. Maybe it notices you and stares at you, beconing you to feed it. Maybe it even slams it beak against your window, begging for you to notice and feed it. And you do have the the choice to feed it or not. You could allow it into your home. You could feed it with whatever scraps of food you have. Or you could just let the bird be, and eventually, the bird will get bored and fly away.

The birds are your thoughts. The little songbirds you have are good thoughts, happy thoughts, holy thoughts. The birds that peck at your window, that distress you, that peck so hard that you may think the window will break (it wont) are "bad" thoughts, sinful thoughts, etc. I use quote because thoughts have no moral character without engagement of the will. You dont need to respond to them with a cover phrase, with 20 St Michael Prayers, with 1000 Hail Marys, with a pleading to God not to send you to hell for those thoughts. You simply notice them as they are - Birds. Thats it. See them as birds. Then shift your focus back to God and see him as he sees you. His beloved child.

M26. Posting this after having just had a relapse less than 12 hours ago, caught now in the dillema of whether or not I should altert my GF for the 3rd time in 2 months about my failings.

I've been struggling with this since I was maybe 10 years old, maybe younger. As I type this out, I can now see how I've been struggling with my sexuality even since I was maybe 6 or 7 years old. I guess I truly have been a sex addict for as long as I remember. I let it spiral for almost 2 decades, letting it take me to places I dont like to think about. About 2 years ago I reverted christianity, then to Catholicism about August 2025. In January I started dating a wonderful Catholic girl, and in March I had to give her the unfortunute news that she is dating a sex addict, something she is struggling to cope with. And now, post relapse, I feel like I failed her, failed God, and I im nothing more than shame, disgrace, and as if there is no escape from my addiction. Like how an alchoholic sees himself forever stuck in the bottle, or a heroin addict, the needle.

I know now why I struggle. Dopamine hit? Mayhaps. Pleasure? Possibly. But what hole does Pornography fill? Its the need for unconditional love. A need to not have to strive and work in order to be loved, to be needed, to be seen, to be heard. To be accepted and loved whole-heartedly as you are, no strings attached. The kind of love that, by definition, cannot exist in this world. Yet its the kind of love I need, if I am to defeat this disease.