Recently Engaged 34/F getting cold feet
I have been dating my M/34 partner for 5 years. We have lived together now for 3. Been engaged since the fall.
The more and more time we are together, the more I feel like we aren’t going to last long after marriage.
From the moment we started dating, he came off to be as annoying. He laughs at things that are not funny. He is way too messy for my liking. He asks questions that he knows the answers too. He has always been a gamer nerd which isn’t exactly my type. Also, the physical attraction on my end is not there. Never has been.
He does have really great qualities. Generous, financially sound, kind, loyal.
But there are qualities I wish he was better at. Listening, providing guidance, paying closer attention to me and our household. Being more mature.
Our sex life has always been hit or miss bc the timing is off. Or schedule don’t match very well. He is also very less experienced than I am in the bedroom and get awkward and silly in the bedroom which is not attractive. He doesn’t understand foreplay and seems to think I am suppose to be the initiator. I’m not comfortable with that. I’m used to men not being able to take their hands off of me but my fiance doesn’t have the same sexual drive. For a while I thought he was asexual.
Now we are engaged and I find myself even more annoyed, less attractive and really enjoy my time alone. I think what keeps us together is a stability type of thing. I am comfortable in my home, financial situation and with my career.
When I was younger, I felt that men only wanted one thing from me which was sex. When I met my fiance, I was literally trying something sooo different. We didn’t have sec right away. He took me on so many dates and still does. I am pretty spoiled to be honest but I am bored out of my mind and I feel like I am not in love with him. I have a lot of love for him as a person and a partner but there is simply no passion. I don’t know if I can live like this forever… being annoyed and having no passion.
I don’t think I want to sacrifice passion for financial stability but it seems like that is what I am doing. I know we will have a stable life together but I want to be deeply in love and that is not what I have.
I feel like a higher power wants us together for practical purposes, but I want what I want which is to be deeply and passionate in love. He is in love with me, but the feeling isn’t exactly mutual.
So the wedding is scheduled. Venue is booked. I feel stuck. It’s not a bad place to be stuck in.
Feedback? Advice ? Guidance ?