Sorry, just trying to put myself out there as a newly out lesbian and connect with the community.. :'>
A little confused because I've posted here before and have had a few people tell me I had auburn hair, but I'm a little confused because people said in my last post it was brown. It's like right in the middle of really warm brown and auburn so I don't really even know myself. I just took a picture of it right now to hopefully get some final feedback once and for all. Do we still think this counts as auburn, or no? Thanks!
Im sorry if any of this is annoying or rude, Im really not trying to step on any toes, just very hopeless tonight and hoping to shout my feelings into the void hopefully.
I've finally accepted that I will never like men, but I feel so incredibly undesirable to women and it kills me. As an autistic, nonbinary female, I understand men for the most part. Look good, don't be a dick, and they're all pretty easy. I often times wish I was genuinely attracted to them because they lack what is necessary to actually hurt me emotionally, because I just don't really care about them that much. But I've never been good with women. There's always been something off about me that the girls around me didn't like even since I was a kid, and most of the 'intimate relationships' ive had with women have either been me putting myself out there and not being wanted, or being exploited. I dont know if its because Im autistic, or just genuinely insufferable to be around, but its been a reoccurring theme my entire life, platonic or romantic.
Men find me very attractive, but I feel like I'm always chasing women and always the second choice, so me being a Lesbian feels like a death sentence to be alone for the rest of my life, and im tired. I think maybe I'm discouraged because every lesbian I know personally is alone in older age, and it makes me feel very hopeless. Maybe i just need to go meet other lesbians that live happy lives with fulfilling relationships. I dont know. I also just wish I was more interesting and attractive to women. Ugh. Sorry if this comes across as rude or disrespectful or anything. I just feel very inadequate personally with women, you all are wonderful. Aaannd sorry for whining. Just very depressed and hopeless. I just want to be loved, but I genuinely don't think I ever will be. I feel so ugly and so, so gross. Sorry for the vent. I hope I'm not alone, but I also do, because it is the worst, most isolating feeling I've ever experienced. Thank you for reading.