Why does every time i think i found my place everything just collapse?
I’m just so goddamn tired of getting hurt, every time i think I found my place i keep getting kicked back into reality.
It’s not the first time and won’t be the last and honestly I’m just tired I’d rather cut everyone off and die on my own but that’s not the subject
But i keep noticing this pattern happening to me too much, I find a friend group i feel somewhat belong in i feel good with.
And then after some time its like something would shift and suddenly i just feel terrible.
Sometimes its the dynamic inside, sometimes it’s just people I find out aren’t as great as they first seemed and sometimes i swear they just flip on me outta nowhere? Like everything becomes a conflict, and i don’t want conflicts it drains me and it wrecks me and I’m trying to avoid unnecessary drama as much as i can.
But why does it keep happening to me with different people all the time? I see everyone else have their social life figured out be having life long friends they can genuinely trust but for me each time it ends up just hurting.
I don’t know anymore if the problem is in me? Am i doing something to make everyone go against me? I genuinely don’t understand what’s going on anymore. For the record I have social anxiety but i do open up when i feel comfortable enough the thing is that it just makes it ten times harder to get dumped or leave again and to find new people I just can’t take it anymore.
What do I even do? I genuinely just rather go full isolation and be over with all that bullshit i got enough to deal with on my own without having another people’s drama.