u/TraditionalSorbet158

I’ve been relapsing with my disordered eating for a few months now, but it is so much worse than it’s ever been before. And it’s been extremely difficult because the more I relapse, the harder it is to resist. I’ve lost so much confidence in myself, and it’s frustrating because I’m at the point where I have to eat the same safe foods at the same time every single day or I’m at risk of binging. I try so extremely hard, but for some reason the longest I’ve lasted recently is 4-5 days and then the cravings start to get bad again. I need some sort of sustainable solution, or non-medicated appetite suppressant, or just SOMETHING that can work more long term, because it’s getting out of hand. I can’t even go grocery shopping without eating what I bought on the way home, even though I always make sure to eat something before I go. My brain doesn’t care how much I’ve already eaten. I don’t know how to emotionally regulate myself when I feel the urge to binge because I get so anxious and panicky about it, and it feels completely out of my control. I’m constantly, constantly thinking about food, whether it’s about eating it or not eating it, or planning things out so I can prevent myself from not eating it. My whole. Life. Revolves around this right now. Any tips at all would be amazing.

I have the kind of ADHD that comes with absolutely no energy or hyperactivity/hyperfocus whatsoever. It’s just chronic, perpetual burnout and dopamine deficiency. I have worked extremely hard to get to a point where I am a successful human being despite this. But there is one thing that is still affecting my life significantly, and that is doomscrolling.

I never ever pick up my phone and choose to scroll for fun. It is not an activity I enjoy at all. But I still find myself doing it CONSTANTLY, and a lot of the time I get into this trance and don’t even realize I started until several hours later. My average screen time usually lands around 10-11 hours a day, with the main problems being Snapchat and Instagram.

I’ve noticed that it most often happens in specific circumstances:

1. When I am indecisive about either something related to the next task on my agenda, or what I want my next task to be.
2. In between tasks in general.
3. If I am mentally exhausted. This is probably the biggest one, but it’s also the hardest trigger to overcome because scrolling makes me feel SO much worse.
4. When I open social media for the sole purpose of responding to a message, and then watch reels people send me. A lot of the time, I never just watch that one reel.

I have tried many blocking applications—mainly Opal— to try to prevent this, but it never prevents anything for long. Those used to help, but for some reason they are starting to help less and less. I would delete social media altogether, but it’s how I message most of the people I’m closest to. Also, as a musician, I have to stay connected.

This is ruining my life, and I’m tired of self-sabotaging without even meaning to. I feel horrible after and while I doomscroll, so it’s crazy to me how addicted to it my brain seems to be. If anyone has any advice to develop some sort of conscious awareness for when I scroll, or how to manage this without deleting social media, please bestow unto me your wisdom.