The guilt of it all
Blending in my body in a crawl
My mind cant take it all
I did this to myself self
The looks they give
The acts they act
The ashamed proof of lies
I did this to myself
Hiding my guilt behind a lie
Like the day I was inspired
I dont remember a guilt anymore
What was that again?
I start again
Maybe I will succeed this time
But when I dont
I wont remember something anymore
What was that again?
A snake wrapped around my neck
My mind locked in itself
Wished to escape but cant
Who did this to me?
Years and months of lies
Threaded in one mind
Too deep inside now
I cant escape
After many manipulative lies
Hiding behind corners to cry
My gaze became clear after all
I did this to myself
My own mind behind every lie
Tricking my soul inside
Cant escape from this despair can I?
I did this to myself
The day I gave up on my mother
Is the day she asked me for a break
A break from me, a relief for her
Oh mother,
If only I can have a break from me too
The ongoing belittling
Favoritism and narcissism
Cause me ongoing head aches
Oh mother,
If only I can have a break from me too
All this drama led me to destroy and despair
One day it will absorb my last hope
And you will either find a hasty flee or a cold corpse
Oh mother,
If only I can take a break from me too
(a short poem I wrote about me and my mother.)
My brother visits the house every 6 months and when he comes home he makes everyone uncomfortable, hurt and tense. He acts as if he is doing us a favor by visiting. (Im not lying, he told us the first day) He uses all my products without my consent and when I confront him he either swears at me or uses his crocodile tears. He says he did his chores around the house but he fucking dosent and then I have to do his chores while he victimizes himself and complains to our mother. Also he fucking comes here just to meet up with her girlfriend and bring her to our family vacation. We dont know anything about the girlfriend and mostly uncomfortable being around her but he acts if he is doing a fantastic thing to us. I feel judged whenever he is around. He always complains about his childhood trauma but he dosent have any.. The only trauma he has is breaking 4 new iphones in less than a month which my family paid for another even when we were in a bad financial state. He is the most selfish, self centered, oblivious, spoiled person I have ever seen. I cant wait for him to move the fuck out so I can be free. (changed some parts to stay private)
Selam, bu sinava girecekler sinav hakkinda ne dusunuyor? Bence mebin uydurdugu sacma bir bahane sinavi. Bugun giris belgeleri yayimlanacakti.
What if?
What if I lead?
What if I bleed?
What if and what if I believe?
So many doors and so many versions
Waiting for me to achieve
But what if I see a version of myself so sleaved?
I walk, I think, I consider all doors
Waltzing in circles just to be outsorced
My body, My brain
Walking opposite so I run and chase
Alas Im left to fret
Needing to chose what I need to rest
My body, My brain
Opposite sides of one frame
I cant choose, I cant walk
I cant be crushed by guilt and heart
So I stop
I stop choosing, I stop seeing
Maybe one day I'll be whole again
So that I can start walking again
What if?
What if I lead?
What if I bleed?
What if and what if I believe?
So many doors and so many versions
Waiting for me to achieve
But what if I see a version of myself so sleaved?
I walk, I think, I consider all
Waltzing in circles just to be outsorced
My body, My brain
Walking opposite so I run and chase
Alas Im left to fret
Needing to chose what I need to rest
My body, My brain
Opposite sides of one frame
I cant choose, I cant walk
I cant be crushed by guilt and heart
So I stop
I stop choosing, I stop seeing
Maybe one day I'll be whole again
So that I can start walking again
The first girl in the picture is ezrela, a former dream academy trainee who is indian just like lara. She is wearing a traditional saree the right way.
The next picture is from the internet, a normal respresentation of how people should wear sarees.
The last two pictures are lara, who is wrongfully representing traditional sarees by wearing lingerie under the clothes and also purposefully wearing her skirt lower to show her "sexy side".
Im so done with these fake ass members yall 😭