u/Traditional_Table_67

I feel like on Reddit and social media, people are so quick to judge or guilt-trip others over sleeping styles.

It's already anxiety-inducing enough when you're doing shifts trying to stay awake with a newborn sleeping on your chest after barely sleeping for a week since giving birth. Or when your 7-week-old fights every single nap and cries and cries, and you're just trying to work out whether she'd actually be happier falling asleep on her own in a bassinet.

People tell you to embrace contact naps and stop "overthinking it" while you're genuinely trying to figure out what's best for your baby. Others tell you co-sleeping makes for happier babies, when you literally can't get a minute of sleep that way. Then the other camp makes you feel like you're a terrible mother if your baby isn't in a hard cot with nothing in it, in a 20-degree room, wearing barely anything so they don't overheat, swaddled- but not swaddled.

You end up feeling like every single choice is wrong.

I regret making posts asking for advice. There are so many people with genuine compassion who just want to help, but there seem to be even more who just want to shame.

What do people get out of responding in the way they do?

Our baby is 9 weeks old. Nights are great, she sleeps independently in her bassinet (unswaddled) and usually only wakes once to feed.

Daytime is a different story. She falls asleep on us, but if we transfer her before she's been asleep for 20+ minutes she usually wakes straight away.

For those who've cracked it...

• When did independent naps start working?
• If you're proud of how you got your baby sleeping independently during the day, what did you do?
• Did "drowsy but awake" actually work for you? If so, how?
• Did you keep practising crib naps every day, or wait until they were older?
• Dark room and white noise, or lights on and normal daytime noise?
• Wake windows, sleepy cues, or a schedule?
• Did introducing a daytime routine or schedule make a difference?

We've had the same bedtime routine since early on and I honestly think it's a big part of why she's such a good night sleeper. I'm wondering whether we should be doing something similar for daytime naps, or whether it's just too early and we need to be patient.

Our little girl is 9 weeks old. Nights are great, she sleeps independently in her bassinet (unswaddled) and usually only wakes once to feed.

Daytime is a different story. She falls asleep on us, but if we transfer her before she's been asleep for 20+ minutes she usually wakes straight away.

For those who've cracked it...

• When did independent naps start working?
• If you're proud of how you got your baby sleeping independently during the day, what did you do?
• Did "drowsy but awake" actually work for you? If so, how?
• Did you keep practising crib naps every day, or wait until they were older?
• Dark room and white noise, or lights on and normal daytime noise?
• Wake windows, sleepy cues, or a schedule?
• Did introducing a daytime routine or schedule make a difference?

We've had the same bedtime routine since early on and I honestly think it's a big part of why she's such a good night sleeper. I'm wondering whether we should be doing something similar for daytime naps, or whether it's just too early and we need to be patient.

I think we have have an amazing baby and I really can't believe just how much love I feel, which is why this feels so hard. She has been socially smiling since week 3 and loves social interactions - as soon as someone comes close enough to her face that she can see them she just smiles and smiles and smiles.

She has been hating day naps since about week 3, she will be 8 weeks on Monday. She just HATES being assisted to sleep during the day, no matter how ready she is. She isn't overtired or undertired by now I know it's not that. She also isn't low sleep needs because if she sleeps particularly badly in one day or even just afternoon she has an absolute purple crying meltdown in the evening. On a good day she sleeps 3.5/4 hours during the day and with that can have a calm evening (unless she has been up for too long before bedtime).

Her naps don't last more than 45/50 min and are all contact naps. I am spending hours and hours bouncing her, rocking her, sushing her. She resists, cries all the time. With dad she cries twice as hard so I feel bad about not being the one with her. At this point I don't believe it's about how we do it or when we do it, she just doesn't want to be asleep during the day although she needs it.

It's a horrible feeling that when I wake up (tired as hell) I am already feeling the dread of the cycle starting for another day.

It's such a shame because she is such a happy baby otherwise, I feel like I am forcing sleep on her but if I don't she won't sleep and will be next level upset.

She doesn't love the carrier but at least I know we will have a guaranteed 50min nap, but it's been so hot outside for couple weeks now that we can't be out after 10am at best.

Any tips on how to start transitioning away from rocking/shushing to sleep then having to wait for deep sleep i.e.20 min to transfer?

Have a 7 week old bebe who is still only doing contact naps during the day as it feels easier (only sleeps 50 min max per day nap), dad is going back to work soon so I am keen to find a more sustainable way for day time!

Any tips on how to start transitioning away from rocking/shushing to sleep then having to wait for deep sleep i.e.20 min to transfer?

Have a 7 week old bebe who is still only doing contact naps during the day as it feels easier (only sleeps 50 min max per day nap), dad is going back to work soon so I am keen to find a more sustainable way for day time!

I’ve seen so many mentions to not do this but I can’t really get her sleepy enough and sooth her better during the day. She already sucks on her hands to sooth all the time buy pulls a sick face when I hive her a dummy (she actually gagged last time ai tried and vommed).

we have a six week old baby who will sleep in a bassinet at night but between each wake up (only 2/3 a night). I have to wait 18/20 min each time to transfer otherwise she WILL wake up.

During the day we only do contact naps as dhe doesn’t reliably sleep in a pram.

I’ve started to try day naps in a bassinet in dark room but it feels like almost not worth it to wait 20 min to then get 20 min in a bassinet after which she always seems to wake up during the day. Why such difference between day and night when the conditions are the same?

Our six week old baby needs a lot of help to fall asleep during the day Usually go on a boob a few times to get really sleepy and then some bouncing, sushing, rocking.

When I do it there are no cries, when her dad does it there are always tears and usually quite bad ones. I am the one soothing her to sleep most of the time, but sometimes I really need a break. My back is hurting so much sometimes I worry I will spasm with her in my arms. She only contact sleeps during the day and only sleeps in a carrier when I have her. Her dad wants to take the load of me and help her to sleep but hearing her cry breaks my heart especially when I know she wouldn’t if it was me.

Last night we had a very bad sleep and I started to develop cold thro the night. I am all stuffed up with a migraine. Dad is trying to get her down for the first sleep but she just keeps crying. I know I will end up taking her, I feel terrible I let him even try when we know how it goes.

We have a six week old baby who is very sensitive to sounds and generally a fomo baby. Getting her to fall asleep during the day is significantly harder than at night. She is also quite sensitive to light. At the moment all her day sleeping is still contact sleeping as she wakes up very quickly otherwise. At night she is in a bassinet in a love to dream swaddle (I want to try out next week if she still needs it). We have a Moses basket in the living room but she never sleeps in it, just chills.

I don’t want to mess with the night sleep but is it too soon to start putting her down to a blackout bedroom for her day naps, maybe swaddled? When did you start changing environments for day sleeps and is it better for them to be different between day and night?

We tried to intro a bottle towards the end of week 4. It wasn’t smooth to start with when my partner tried but I took her and managed to get her in the right position and she had 70ml bottle fine, fairly quickly.

We then tried couple days later with a different bottle - lacinoh (as I saw a video talking about bottles which I wish I never did). She was comp not having it and got very upset.

Then few days later I tried (rather than my bf) and she had 1oz fine.

Today I for the first time met up with friends without baby - two minute walk from the house and for two hours only but we live away from family and I have done almost nothing outside of home (she doesn’t sleep in a pram and hates the carseat).

Anyway bf was going to bottle-feed her 90ml. I came home just as he started and he was already struggling. immediately I could see her head was tilted way back and she was trying to suck but was not getting any milk in. We swopped but she was already upset and at this point seemed to gag at the bottle teat. Not because of fast flow.I managed to feed her 40ml but she was very upset about it and it took good half an hour. Once she calmed down I switched back to the old bottle and managed to get another 10ml in but she was really not sucking on the bottle anymore just almost licking it.

i then out her on a boob and she had a feed.

it made me feel upset that I made her upset and like I am not being a good mum trying to get her to do something she doesn’t like.

I am really worried she will reject the bottle now or that unless I do It we won’t be able to bottle feed which defeats the point.

She will be 6 weeks on monday, have we now caused a bottle aversion that won’t go away?

she is the same with dummies, first dummy just disliked then second dummy - tippie whatever made her gag to the point she threw up.

Our five week old baby seems to hate being rocked and sushed to sleep during the day. What’a the most effective way that gets your baby to drift off without tears?

In the evening our four week old falls asleep on my boob and she sleeps in big chunks (last night 4-4-3), she is awake only for 20 minutes maybe. We change nappy and she falls asleep feeding on my boob. I hold her upright for 20 and then she sleeps in her bassinet. No tears no protesting. Very happy sleepy baby.

During the day though every nap is a battle. Doesn’t matter how long or short her wake window or how many tired cues she shows. She very rarely falls asleep feeding during the day and if she does she usually wakes up the second I try move her upright. We don’t try with a moses during the day because she almost always wakes up within minutes so she contact sleeps. If we are lucky she dozes for a few minutes at the time in a pram on a walk. Anyway we try bouncing ball and shushing which used to work but now she pretty much every time cries and sometimes she falls asleep sometimes she doesn’t. Often she gets super upset. If we put her down she stops crying and is chilling again, but will not sleep. We pick her up and off we go again.

Is it normal? What to dooooo I hope it’s a phase

Our nearly four week old is really hard to get to sleep during day for about 7/8 days now. I miss the days when she would fall asleep on my boob lol.

She is clearly tired but closes her eyes the opens. Just now it took me over 40 min of false starts. She only contact sleeps on us during the day so it’s not a bassinet issue. She sleeps super well at nigh for avg 9 hours. During the day we are lucy if we get to 4. She is not low sleep needs because she gets incredibly upset when she is awake for ages as we haven’t managed to help her fall asleep in time.

Our baby is 22 days. we live away from family, it’s been just me and my partner. Our little girl is a contact sleeper, which we are getting used to now but have aberaged 3.5h sleep a day since birth.

She cries a lot for no apparent reason, can get very overstimulated and is so much happier when sleeping well but it’s like s 24h battle to try help her to fall asleep. She is now getting very hot trying to fall asleep on us but any other position wakes her up.

She has been getting angry at my boobs a lot lately too. Ive not left the house for three days as she won’t sleep in a pram or a carrier and isn’t liking the extreme heat outside.

I feel like I am running on last 5%, I can’t seem to sooth her for ours once she gets so tired that it becomes impossible to sleep.

I love her so much and she is the cutest little baby, but I feel so drained and lonely.

Since 2am last night our LO hasn’t stopped beng upset. She doesn’t have fever and has been sleeping (but we are being super careful to jot get her overtired as she no longer falls asleep feeding and needs to be bounced to sleep).

She has probably had an hour accumulated of awake time not crying the rest has been so hard. She seems in const discomfort and nothing helps but letting it out and eventually falling asleep. She suddenly seems very annoyed with my boobs too which has happened before.

i feel like we are failing not being able to help and I am also loosing my mind

We don’t live around either of our families, have a little 3 week old baby. She is a solo contact sleeper so far. We’ve had a week away in Mallorca booked with my partners family from before we knew we would have a baby. It’s 7 days, we can get a 3h ferry then drive one hour on the other side. Means we can take anything we need. We have our own apartment there. Right now I literally cannot imagine leaving the house more than the neighbourhood so imagining the week there seems impossible rn.

On one hand I would love to get out of our apartment and spend some time with family for our own mental health. On the other hand I know I will be worried about her not having vaccines yet (our doctor or midwife didn’t seem to worry too much), I cannot begin to imagine how we will sleep overnight there and rn it takes so much effort to get her to sleep during the day that we can only really be inside 24/7 (hoping she takes to the sling soon). Also my partner’s mum can be quite a lot. They came to see baby for one day and she was suggesting to wake her up so she can take a picture together for her friends🙃.

Is it a bad idea?! I am hoping a lot can change in the next four weeks and things might get a little easier by then.

Btw we have spoken to a paediatrician and they told us it’s all normal and that they would only investigate if still going on in a few months. it’s hard to accept it as she seems to get into such great discomfort and pain.

Our 21 day old baby spends most of her awake time not crying, she can get normal level of fussy about the usual stuff but generally would say can be awake and not upset.

However from early days she seemed to have reacted a lot to her digestive system. We thought it was gas but non of the bicycle legs, massages etc seemed to help. It has kind of seemed to change in nature during the day now. I would say our biggest battle is helping her to sleep and avoiding getting overtired and then being VERY upset In the day. (She now won’t sleep in a pram and hates car seat, needs to be fed to sleep or bounced for hours during the day to fall asleep).

Night however is a COMPLETELY different story. She tends to fall asleep well between feeds and at the start of the night. She only wants to sleep on us so we are usually doing shifts although we recently started with some basinet sleeps (sometimes she does 3h stint sometimes 45m and we have to go again, but keep trying as I can’t bring myself to cosleep and the shifts are killing us). Anyway if she does sleep on us she goes 3-4h stints at nigh. Every night between 1-4ish though she seems to go through hell and nothing soothes her. Here is what usually happens:

• wakes up and wants a feed, usually has a calm first feed
• falls asleep feeding, but few minutes after starts arching back and looks like she is cramping
• makes grunting noises, pushes her legs until it wakes her up
• stats crying and get inconsolable
• wants to feed and sometimes soothes temporarily feeding, other times gets angry during breastfeeding which usually looks like in sync with some kind of cramps/discomfort
• the usual things like bycicle crunches etc are not doing anything
• I try burp her in between and after feeds sometimes with success sometimes no, it can set her of crying too
• changing positions sometimes makes things better but only temporarily
• we usually have to ride it out for couple hours, but even when she falls asleep you can see her tensing for a few more hours - last night we made a mistake of trying to get one more bassinets stint after the two hour shabang - huge mistake as she woke up 40min later and it took another 2.5h to ride it out
• i try keep her upright for at least 20 min after a feed
• the first sleep of the day can also be tricky - but I realised she might be overtired in the morning because of how/when I tend to get out of bed with her
• I swear she does sound like she is swallowing something at times (ie silent reflux) but she doesn’t seem to get aggregated by being on her back, more so by being upright (but also not always lol)
• she can get so upset she is literally screaming her lungs out for a few hours
• she gets upset breastfeeding only if she is already in pain/during this time or if she is cluster feeding and gets upset with a flow (pressing my boob seem to avoid amher anger lol)

It looks so obvious like she has discomfort and cramps, sometimes calms after a fart or a burp, sometimes doesn’t. However why would it always happen at night and around the same time?! She seems fine during the day (Although she didn’t used to when 1/2 weeks old).

My diet is 98% plant based, I probably had one mozzarella and 2/3 toasts with cream cheese since she was born. I do eat tofu, tempeh, soya yogs etc.

I don’t know if overstimulation from the day can manifest like this, if she has gas/reflux why would this pattern make sense?! Could she be intolerant to soya or to the very little dairy in my diet?

Our baby is 20 days today and I don’t feel like it’s getting easier. My mind is haunted by friends saying they found the first few months surprisingly easy or telling me to enjoy every second of the bubble.

Our LO wants to only sleep on us although we are finally seeing some progress here. She hates the car seat, she doesn’t sleep in a pram anymore, she looses her mind when I try put her in a sling.

We thought for a while she has a gas issue as she does a lot of back arching at night and gets upset about her tummy but non of the usual advice really works. Most of the time she doesn’t like being burped and gets fussy when we try keep her upright.

Over the last few days she has also turnes proper violent with my boobs while my nipples are still not healed from the first week, one has super deep whole in it.

We try help her to get to sleep as we can but it can sometimes be really hard especially during the day, then she gets fussy cries, and hates my nipples. I thought maybe I was running out of milk but if anything I think it’s the opposite as I have milk spraying out of my nips.

Is all of this completely normal and every newborn is like this? Is it just our mindset that we find it so hard? I feel like if we worked out what’s up with her belly she would rarely cry. At the doctor they just told us it’s normal and that they wouldn’t do anything unless it went on for months.

Our baby is nearly 20 days old and will still only exclusively sleep on top of is day and night. Won’t sleep next to me either so I can’t even find a way to safely cosleep.

We are taking shifts but it’s not working, we are spending 12h+ in a bedroom and still only getting about 3/4h of broken sleep. We often fall asleep with her on our chest and my partner is becoming really hard to wake up in those moments now.

I feel like it’s completely taking over and not allowing us to enjoy these moments. My friends all tell me to enjoy it and how they found the first few months surprisingly easy, other friends babies of similar age are sleeping anywhere. I feel upset and exhausted. We don’t have any family around as we live abroad.