Over time, RBF has started to pop up more in photos. I have always been self conscious about smiling, but recognizing that it might be dysphoria as I see too much of the old me. Regardless, I’m not liking it 😠.
As I continue to socially transition, I am wondering where the more mature gals are congregating if at all. I suspect many are partnered and don’t go out quite as frequently as the younger gals. We live in a city that has so many welcoming LGBTQ friendly venues, but I don’t see as much representation from the older Transgender community when I am out. Perhaps it’s just poor timing.
I am excited about all of the Pride events next month and hope to make more friends along the way. I am not a gamer, but have many other interests.
Edit: This is not request for opportunities to date. This is solely for building a circle of friendship with others to socialize.
Going out last evening was much needed. Not because I was meeting up with friends or any special event. It was for me. To continue learning to be comfortable and confident as myself without worrying about the rest of the World. People were kind as usual, but the biggest accomplishment for me was just being my authentic self among others who were doing the same. I used to always be uncomfortable in a crowd and the thought of being alone and not knowing others would have given me anxiety for sure. All of that has changed which was unexpected growth for me. It makes sense that I always felt uncomfortable before. Spending all of those years trying to be something I wasn’t was stressful. Never liking myself. Never feeling like I fit in.
So glad I finally get to be me. No permission, approval, or acceptance required. That’s freedom
Prior to transitioning, much of my life always seemed to operate on high highs or low lows. The idea of being even keel was not familiar to me nor comfortable.
Since coming out, I have started to learn to slow my mind down and to try and stay in the moment. Not every day is going to feel euphoric. Some days are going to be flat. Other days will be tough, but if I can remember that all of this will pass and that I just need to be okay with myself and stay the course, transitioning gets a little easier.
I don’t have to be the raw nerve I once was and react to everything around me. I don’t need to constantly seek approval from others. I don’t have to always worry about fitting in. Self care centered on acceptance and doing what I need to do for myself vs trying to please everyone else has been key.
So although I don’t always look like I am glowing the way I did when my egg just cracked, I can take comfort that I don’t ever have to go back to my old life. Progressing one day at a time
I know this is a loaded question, but for those gals that are older, what were some of your considerations for whether HRT was right for you? What concerns should I consider if I start later in life? Based on my pics, my goal would be to fill out my hips and gain breast tissue, but I like some of my figure proportions now and I don’t want huge breasts. Curious what approach others have taken.
Decided to not go out this past Friday and instead I stayed in to watch “And Just Like That”. I always loved “Sex in the City”. Yet another indication that I chose to ignore. Never mind the RBF. At least now I can have one
Whether it’s a bikini or a skirt that our mothers might not approve of, it is important for me to discard the need for approval from others. That need for approval kept me miserable for years. I have found my style and embracing who I am today as I continue to transition.
Whether it’s a bikini or a skirt that our mothers might not approve of, it is important for me to discard the need for approval from others. That need for approval kept me miserable for years. I have found my style and embracing who I am today as I continue to transition.
Often times when making life altering changes, it forces us to make necessary changes in other areas of our life. One of the things I have been facing in my transition is making new friends. I have been lucky enough to make a handful of friends online which is absolutely wonderful, albeit those friendships come and go which is par for the course of being online. It’s obviously not the same as irl friendships. With that said, I recently found myself desperate to want to make irl friendships to go out and socialize that I started to sacrifice my own integrity.
None of us are perfect in doing this and we all have things to work on, but in the quest for friendship, I was given a great reminder very recently to not settle for friendship just so I don’t feel quite as alone or feel more secure by going out with others. If someone is not interested in hanging out with me, I should take those cues and move on. None of it is personal and sometimes two people don’t vibe. But what people do owe each other imo is honesty instead of leading others on. If two people are adults, it’s okay to be honest. Although one could say nobody owes an explanation to anyone, it is always a more mature option to be honest. I called an individual out for making up excuses for not wanting to get together because they were extremely busy, but constantly posting that they were getting out. After several attempts at extending an invitation to go out, I teasingly called them out. Not knowing this individual well enough, I was told I was insecure and that I would need to work on that before they would be open to a friendship. Ouch. I have an opinion that this individual was simply called out on their crap and didn’t like it, but needless to say, there is no longer interest on my part to pursue a friendship. At the end of the day, we all have things we need to work on. Do I have insecurities? You bet, but that had less to do with this situation. I called her out because I refuse to be treated poorly by someone who is playing games. It’s growth for me to not continuously give others the benefit of a doubt and stand up for myself. I have always been a people pleaser but learning to advocate for myself more. It’s a balancing act sometimes but nobody wants to be a door mat. Also good for me to not set myself up for those situations. Okay to be vulnerable, but I need to pay attention and not invest where there is no return.
What I learned is that I was more caught up into the idea of having a local friend to go out with at the expense of not paying attention to my own needs or the type of personality that I look for in others. Why would anyone want to hang out with someone that just isn’t interested or quite frankly, not the type of outgoing person that I want to make friends with? The answer is loneliness, but never a good enough reason to push your own principles aside and make yourself vulnerable by continuing to initiate going out with someone that isn’t that interested in friendship.
A reminder for me to check my own motivations when making friends. Are there truly things in common besides being Transgender. What type of personality do I gravitate towards? Is holding a conversation difficult? Am I the one always initiating conversation? Do we hold similar values as people? These are not just things to think about when dating. Shared values and personalities are very important in establishing friendships.
Lastly, building friendships takes time built on trust, consideration, honesty and mutual respect. If they aren’t there, time to move on. We focus a lot on the physical changes we are wanting to make, but the emotional changes are just as important in becoming the person that we want to be which doesn’t happen overnight
Often times when making life altering changes, it forces us to make necessary changes in other areas of our life. One of the things I have been facing in my transition is making new friends. I have been lucky enough to make a handful of friends online which is absolutely wonderful, albeit those friendships come and go which is par for the course of being online. It’s obviously not the same as irl friendships. With that said, I recently found myself desperate to want to make irl friendships to go out and socialize that I started to sacrifice my own integrity.
None of us are perfect in doing this and we all have things to work on, but in the quest for friendship, I was given a great reminder very recently to not settle for friendship just so I don’t feel quite as alone or feel more secure by going out with others. If someone is not interested in hanging out with me, I should take those cues and move on. None of it is personal and sometimes two people don’t vibe. But what people do owe each other imo is honesty instead of leading others on. If two people are adults, it’s okay to be honest. Although one could say nobody owes an explanation to anyone, it is always a more mature option to be honest. I called an individual out for making up excuses for not wanting to get together because they were extremely busy, but constantly posting that they were getting out. After several attempts at extending an invitation to go out, I teasingly called them out. Not knowing this individual well enough, I was told I was insecure and that I would need to work on that before they would be open to a friendship. Ouch. I have an opinion that this individual was simply called out on their crap and didn’t like it, but needless to say, there is no longer interest on my part to pursue a friendship. At the end of the day, we all have things we need to work on. Do I have insecurities? You bet, but that had less to do with this situation. I called her out because I refuse to be treated poorly by someone who is playing games. It’s growth for me to not continuously give others the benefit of a doubt and stand up for myself. I have always been a people pleaser but learning to advocate for myself more. It’s a balancing act sometimes but nobody wants to be a door mat. Also good for me to not set myself up for those situations. Okay to be vulnerable, but I need to pay attention and not invest where there is no return.
What I learned is that I was more caught up into the idea of having a local friend to go out with at the expense of not paying attention to my own needs or the type of personality that I look for in others. Why would anyone want to hang out with someone that just isn’t interested or quite frankly, not the type of outgoing person that I want to make friends with? The answer is loneliness, but never a good enough reason to push your own principles aside and make yourself vulnerable by continuing to initiate going out with someone that isn’t that interested in friendship.
A reminder for me to check my own motivations when making friends. Are there truly things in common besides being Transgender. What type of personality do I gravitate towards? Is holding a conversation difficult? Am I the one always initiating conversation? Do we hold similar values as people? These are not just things to think about when dating. Shared values and personalities are very important in establishing friendships.
Lastly, building friendships takes time built on trust, consideration, honesty and mutual respect. If they aren’t there, time to move on. We focus a lot on the physical changes we are wanting to make, but the emotional changes are just as important in becoming the person that we want to be which doesn’t happen overnight
It was always a part of me. Just thankful I don’t have to sacrifice myself to meet society’s needs anymore