Do I pass as a girl or as a man in a dress? I’ve been off T for about 9 months now after being on a low dose for two years and a full dose for three. Honestly I don’t think T did too much to me, I still got misgendered even while on T, especially when my hair got a tad bit too long. The last three pictures is me at my most masculine presenting.
What I have to say is that I have really fought my parents on my transition. They really didn't want me to go through with it, told me to wait with top surgery until after I graduate Uni. I didn't wait because I really needed the surgery at the time, and after it it seemed like they finally accepted it. This is all still fresh - like 2023/2024 was me coming out and getting the surgery. They have done a total 180, and from being depressed and barely talking to me, they now fully accept me as a Man. Sure sometimes they slip up (mostly my dad), but I don't mind it. My mum even sometimes corrects my father when he slips up. So now I have no idea how could they react. Would they be relieved or angry? I've tried to talk to my mother to test the ground - you know telling her "jokingly" about wanting to wear a dress, and she told me to not even think about it and that my dad would "have a heart attack". But from what I gather and what I "joked" with her about is it's because she can accept having a trans son, but she draws the line at him being too feminine and gay (when I told her I had a boyfriend she was really disappointed it wasn't a girlfriend). But what would she say if she found out they were right after all? Would she be mad that I have put them through all of this for nothing?
anyways - did you have a similar situation? what was your parents reaction to your detransition?
I have never thought it would come to this, but I am seriously considering detransitioning. I am 24 years old. I have been on T for 5 years (2 years low dose, 3 years nebido shots), I have had my top surgery almost 2 years ago. I stopped taking Testosterone a year ago, I told myself that it was only because I didn't wanna go bald (its genetic in my family) and I wanted to preserve my fertility. It wasn't because I wanted to detransition. These thoughts had started like 6 months ago? They began kind of like intrusive thoughts, especially when I wanted to fall asleep - "you are not trans and you know it" and so I tried to supress them. But fast forward to now and they are still there. I feel like I could have lived a happier life if I were a woman. I hate how I look like a man. I never feel pretty or handsome. I am short. I am not your stereotypical man. What also striked me is the loneliness of it. I don't feel like I'm "one of the guys". I honestly have deep problems connecting to them on this level. And yet, with women I also don't feel like I am one of them - well I purposely transitioned. But I've started to miss it, I've started to miss the sisterhood and solidarity. At first I thought I felt more at home with women, because I was raised as one. But now I don't think that's it. I miss being one of the girls. I look at all those beautiful and proud women in films and books and I yearn to be like them. I have also realised I wanna be pregnant and have kids. I thought I could be a "sea horse" dad, but now when I think of raising children I think I'd want to be their mom, not dad. I am really confused. This isn't coming to me lightly. I have many concerns about detransitioning. I think I could pull it off - testosterone really hasn't changed me that much, after 5 years on T and top surgery I still get gendered as "miss" more often than not. My voice of course dropped but I think I could pull it off as being a low female voice.
What concerns me is the top surgery. The thing is - I don't really regret it. I worked my ass of to make it happen and I honestly really like how it looks. But now that I think of detransitioning I'm afraid it will put men off when dating me.
And the most important thing - I went through hell and back for my parents to accept me. And now they finally do. My mum did a full 180 and now even corrects my dad when he accidently misgenders me sometime, cause of course that happens and I don't mind it. But when I came out three years ago, they told me to wait until I finish college with top surgery. They got really depressed and wouldn't talk to me normally for months (they didn't cut me off, just had to process it I guess). And now they have finally accepted it, all the hard work I have done and they have done - just for them to be right in the end? It's very hard admitting that I might have been wrong and I honestly have no idea how they are going to react. Are they going to be angry? I told you so? Or maybe relieved?
I'm afraid of how people will perceive me. Will they think of me as a mentally ill person who can't decide? I'm trying to not let other people's judgment influence me, but oh my god it's so hard.
I am also so scared of being used as an "example". No matter what my personal journey is like, I still feel a part of the trans community and would never wanna be used as an example to stop people for transitioning. Even if it wasn't right for me, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's wrong for everyone.
Anyways, not sure what I expect from this post. If you have any thoughts please pitch in. I think I just feel really only.
Pic of me trying on some make up and a dress for the first time in yeeeeeears.