u/TrebaMiSavjet

I wrote and produced 78 songs in a few months during my psychotic manic episode this winter and genuinely thought they were somehow going to reach huge artists through “hidden industry connections” and coded messages. Every synth sounded insane to me. Every lyric felt deep and important. It became my biggest hyperfixation during psychosis and I was doing it nonstop for days and sleepless nights, drinking red bulls and chain smoking cigarettes while making songs day and night like I was on a thinking I was a big secret producer for popstars.
I also had really good sound equipment which honestly just made the delusions worse because everything sounded so polished and “authentic” to me. I was convinced I was creating the next cultural movement for artists like Madonna, Taylor Swift, charli xcx and others.
uploaded all of them to my soundcloud and locked them in private
so no one can see the. I ended up in the psych ward for two weeks for losing myself and telling everything to my mom. I was also showing all of it to my friends because to me it felt completely real at the time.
and now when I look back at the songs, most of them sound weird as hell and some of the lyrics are honestly cringe. I still feel ashamed that I posted so much of it on my instagram and snapchat. Even now, after taking valium and quetiapine as I was prescribed and was educated on what happened to me and everything, I still feel depressed and ashamed about the whole thing.

edit: wording

edit2: thanks you for all the kind comments, just wanted to clarify that I also spent so much money like over 10k on cigs redbull and equipment for producing, i was working full time at the library but making songs was in my mind 24/7

During my psychotic manic episode, I genuinely believed I was secretly producing music for multiple pop artists.
I wrote and produced 78 songs in a few months and was convinced they were going to somehow reach huge artists through “hidden industry connections” and coded messages. Every synth felt genius. Every random lyric felt profound. I’d stay awake for absurd amounts of time thinking I was creating the next cultural movement for the biggest artists like Madonna, Taylor Swift and more. I released them on my SoundCloud and deleted them all after I ended up at the psych ward. I told all my friends about it also and showed them all of it. I think all the songs all sounded so wierd and the lyrics were cringe, I feel so ashamed that I posted all of that on my instagram and snapchat. I still feel depressed after all that happened even tho I’m on my meds.