u/TrickBorder3923

So here's what I need to accomplish.

- I need to be able to cull and eat three quails fresh daily.

- I doesn't matter to me whether I have eggs to eat, but obviously I need eggs to hatch.

- I don't have a way to store the quail meat.

- I want to use spiral/clan breeding to maintain my breeding stock.

- It will be better to have too many quail the too few.

I spent hours with a calculator and Google trying to figure out how the maths be mathing.

I'm planning on having pharaoh coturnix.

DISCLAIMER: I'm speaking from my personal experience. I'm not a representation of trans men, cis women, etc. I'm only speaking about me, myself, and I. I'm ONE person, if you want to use my post to support your conclusions, please Google "anecdotal evidence fallacy", "Cherry picking" and "hasty generalization fallacy" first. Just in case. Thanks.

So I won't bore you with a long transition story and stand by for validation. I'll just get straight to the point.

Did any other transmen suffer extreme emotional chaos, constantly, before HRT? Then feel more relaxed and emotionally stable after?

You don't have to read the rest. The question stands for itself.

OoooooooooO

The rest of my post serves two purposes. The first to give greater insight to my thought process that led to my question. The second is that I wanted to brain dump by trying my hard at writing out my train of thought that led to this question.

Started my transition FtM in 2014, HRT in 2016, chest masculinization surgery in 2019. I always felt out of sync since childhood and transitioning definitely helped. Moving on.

So I'll skip details again. My councilor suggested I visualize both past and present in a "perfect word" scenario. And I went on a thought train. Here it goes. Very summed up. I used "👉" to try and indicate a change in direction of my train of thought. I've never done this before. This should be interesting.

START TRAIN OF THOUGHT

In a perfect world I would have loved to "turn off" my chaotic emotional state pre-HRT. I would have been fine with just that. I may have even skipped all the surgery and shit. 👉 When I get low on testosterone I feel that same emotional chaos come back. 👉 I didn't mind having emotions, or crying, or "bottling" my emotions for a more appropriate time and place to release them. That sounds like fairly normal emotional regulation. I just don't like feeling overwhelmed by them. All at once. That had me in a dark place full of selfharm of all sorts. They are so frickin powerful! 👉 I'm not bothered if I'm misgendered now that my emotions are more steady with HRT. Very mildly annoyed, maybe. But nothing I won't forget about thirty seconds after. 👉 That's odd. Aren't I supposed to be offended anytime I'm misgendered? I'm not offended. 👉 I'm starting to get lost in my thoughts. 👉 If I'm not offended, am I not transgender? That's silly. I do all the trans things. 👉 Ok. Could I survive if I had to detransition because of North Korea or some shit. No. I'd probably exit God's Minecraft server. 👉 If I had to tolerate some of it but not all of it. What could I tolerate?

-Boobs, OK. Definitely must be smaller though. They used to get in the way.

-Squeaky voice, OK. Mildly annoying. I felt like a child when I heard my own voice, I didn't like that. I could live with it if I was forced to though.

-Facial hair, back hair, my disappearing hairline? OK. it's superficial. So I won't really care either way.

-HRT Shots. Ok. But I won't miss them. At all.

-Muscle mass, pain tolerance, body odor, etc. (squirrel!) (I need a cup of tea, brb)

👉 So I'm not offended by being Female. Never was offended. I yam what I yam! I'm not really offended by being seen as a woman per say. Eeh? Maybe not? There's no shame in being a woman, no shame in being thought of as one. Why did I want to change so much about my appearance then? I can just as easily continued to be a man in a female body. Like I'm doing right now. What sent me running? Weird. Whether you call me It, They, She or He, I'm still the same person now as I was then. Except the slow maturity of experience, obviously. I have no clue. 👉 Ok let's do a theoretical test run. IM GOING TO DETRANSITION AND BECOME A CIS WOMAN! ... Da fuck you will! 👉 Oh it's the emotions. No it's the internal chaos. I have all of the same emotions now. But not the chaos. 👉 So do cis woman have this emotional chaos? Do tras women have it? Do cis men have it? I rarely see anyone turn into a bumble ball full of bitch juice with the ego of a Chihuahua, on a drop of a dime, like I used to pre HRT. Let alone sustain it for days! I'm not even counting menses. 👉 Not that it matters in this situation. My menses wasn't there most the time and I didn't care enough to fix THAT. So in conclusion, the one thing I needed to change was to temper my emotional chaos. And HRT did that very nicely. 👉 Do I regret trasitioning? No. HARD NO. I did exactly what needed to be done, when it needed to be done. I regret nothing. Do I want to go back to being cis female? Meh. I'm neutral to the idea. But I definitely don't want to go back to the emotional chaos that NOT being on HRT will leave me with. Would I detransition if forced to under pain of death? If you guaranteed I would remain emotionally stable, yeah I would. I kinda like being alive. You know? And obviously, personal sovereignty, human rights, etc. being forced to is wrong. Woof woof bark bark. END TRAIN OF THOUGHT.