u/Tricky_Jay91

USA here, newish to mantids. Not new to critter keeping. I had a horribly strange interaction with a well known and very reputable bug seller online recently.

Long story short, I reached out asking about stock, when certain species might return, and whether the company ever did special orders. Pretty normal customer question, especially from somebody newer to mantises and genuinely excited about the hobby.

Boy did I unknowingly open a can of worms.

What followed was multiple increasingly bizarre emails ranging from defensive explanations about customer behavior to commentary about my “psychology,” me being “entitled,” comparisons to chess, and long philosophical monologues about human nature and business. All because I politely said the tone of the original email came across curt and dismissive.

At one point I literally had to stop and reread the thread because I couldn’t believe this level of psychoanalysis came from asking about bugs.

And honestly? This kind of interaction is what pushes new people away from niche hobbies.

We are already a tiny community of people passionately raising insects in jars, terrariums, and bioactive enclosures. We should be excited when new people show curiosity and enthusiasm, not treating basic questions like they’re personal attacks or moral failings.

I totally understand burnout. I understand repetitive questions. I understand running a live animal business for decades probably gets exhausting sometimes. But if someone asking “hey, will this species come back in stock?” turns into a lecture about entitlement and manipulation, maybe the call is coming from inside the enclosure.

Come on. We’re bug nerds. If we can’t be kind to each other, what are we even doing here?

Some of the best parts of this hobby are the people who light up when someone new asks questions, shares excitement, posts their first enclosure, or nervously buys their first mantis. That curiosity and wonder is literally the lifeblood of the hobby.

Anyway. Curious if others have had interactions like this in the invert world or if I just managed to stumble into the Dominion War of customer service emails.

Also, any recommendations on sellers or breeders who arent psychopaths?

Edit:USA not Isa

Hey guys, hope it’s alright to post here. I’m not a dad, but I hang around this sub because it’s honestly one of the better corners of the internet for grounded, decent advice.
I’ve seen a bunch of posts lately about “the sex talk,” so I wanted to share what my dad did, because it shaped me in a way I didn’t fully appreciate until I was older.
My dad is pretty young. We’re about 22 years apart. The first time sex ever came up, I was probably 10 or 11. We had just been skiing and someone mentioned a blowjob. I had no idea what that meant. On the ride home, I asked, and instead of dodging it or shutting it down, he just… answered.
That didn’t turn into one big awkward “talk.” It turned into a series of conversations over time. I always think of it as installments. Every time we were out doing something, driving somewhere, hanging out, something would come up and he’d add another piece. Nothing felt off-limits. He didn’t overdo it, but he didn’t sugarcoat things either.
Was it awkward sometimes? Yeah, maybe a little. But honestly it was way more interesting than uncomfortable. I was curious, and he treated that curiosity like it was normal instead of something to shut down. Sometimes his friends were around and would chime in, which weirdly made it feel even more normal.
Looking back, that approach did a couple important things for me:
It made sex feel like a normal topic, not something secret or shameful
It gave me a pretty grounded understanding early on
It made it easy to ask questions instead of going to random (and usually terrible) sources
I ended up working in mental health, and in group settings I was often the person people came to when something sexual came up. Not because I’m an expert in sex, but because I could talk about it calmly, directly, and without making it weird.
I’m not planning on having kids, but if I were, this is probably the single best parenting move I’d copy from my dad.
Just throwing it out there in case it helps someone. It doesn’t have to be one big speech. It can just be a bunch of normal conversations over time. Love this sub, thank you all for being so awesome, and for raising the good people of tomorrow.

Edit to say people