u/Turbulent-Coat7236

This is going to be an incredibly long confession

I had been SA'd for three years straight by 3 different people online. All three of them were pedophiles who were avid lolicons

I was 12 and had gotten my first phone. I immediately downloaded a social media app called Amino. It was my first social media experience and I deeply despise it now

I had entered a small community called K-ON amino, I was into anime at the time. Initially everything was fine. I had met three people named Ashley, Tavi and Jennifer.

These 3 people were all transgender 20 somethings. I had been manipulated into sexual activity with them, sexual roleplays involving disgusting fetishes and I admitted I was 12, they kept going. They would often sexualize Loli esque characters and even the girls from K-ON. Canonically in middle school.

Ashley was a diaper fetishist, Tavi was a Zoophile, and Jennifer I suspected had some sort of personality disorder. Jennifer was the most manipulative of the bunch and had me on her strings all the time. Tavi knew about this alongside Ashley and did nothing to stop it. I kept bouncing around the three of them for three years across multiple platforms like Discord and Instagram. I kept going back because I liked the attention.

I was suicidal for a long time during this, I was bullied, alone, and suffering trying to find something to cling to.

I want to be clear, the identity of these people being trans has nothing to do with how I view the LGBTQ community. I love queer people!

I was exposed to lolicon art as well and it damaged my psyche, I have a strong suspicion to believe that I have some form of CPTSD.

My middle school had a no phone policy and I was caught by the principal and had it taken away. My mom came to pick it up and searched through it without my consent. She saw the grooming messages and I begged her that afternoon not to tell my Dad. She listened and as far as I know my dad has no idea. She still gave me my phone back and allowed me to be groomed by these pedophiles. Matter of factly she threatened to take my phone away permanently if she saw the app on my phone again. I had only become more secretive about it. But I refuse to blame myself for what happened.

I have told my friends about this before. And I figured the best way to have it not control me anymore is by telling this subreddit.

I actually confronted Ashley and gave her no space to speak on Discord. She blocked me like a fucking pussy

The level of hatred I felt for some of these people is borderline psychotic. I had often had vengeance fantasies surrounding their personal lives. I wonder sometimes if my anger was justified in some way.

It is worth noting that Amino as an application has been taken down as of December last year I think. Still doesn't erase my trauma

I've never told a therapist any of this shit.

Thank you for giving me the space

When I was in high school I had a crush on a girl named Kit. My crushes are usually very obsessive in nature. I remember she had an obsession with cartoon network shows as she grew up watching them. When she revealed she was asexual it crushed me as I was the exact opposite, Pansexual. The crush lasted all four years and was honestly very sexual in nature. I would find myself being limerent towards her in the shower. Saying obsessive things and proclaiming my love for her. I would go to sleep at night with sweet proclamations of "Oh my sweet Kit" being the last words uttered by my lips before hitting the hay. Even now I still kiss her picture in my high school yearbook every now and then. I used to always wish we had classes together only for it to never happen. I honestly felt pretty ashamed of myself because of it. This was an asexual person and I was obsessing over them to such a huge degree. I don't believe she ever found out I was in love with her and we had minimal interaction. Am I creepy for it?