u/Turbulent-Rice7570

(26F) wanted a girlfriend, husband (26M) was fully okay with it. Met a girl (30F) at a club, we hit it off immediately, exchanged numbers, kissed when I left, etc.
We went on a first date and the FIRST thing we both established was that our husbands were completely off the table. Perfect. That’s exactly what I wanted too.
For about 2 weeks we were basically inseparable and I got super attached really fast. Looking back now though, there were a ton of red flags involving her husband (38M) that I ignored because I was infatuated with her.

Some examples:
Her husband messaged me on Teams on my WORK computer
I found out he was recording us dancing together at the club
Our husbands hung out once and he made comments about “watching us”
She invited me over and he suddenly decided to “work from home” and stayed around making us breakfast
Any time we were together he somehow found a reason to “come around” us in the most awkward way possible
One time I was singing and playing guitar for her privately and he asked her to send him a video of it
I started feeling uncomfortable knowing any pictures/videos of us kissing or being intimate were probably also being viewed by him
He constantly tried inserting himself into things despite both of us originally agreeing husbands were not part of this dynamic

I told her multiple times his involvement made me uncomfortable. She eventually told me if this relationship was going to work, I “needed to be friends with him.”
My husband also directly told him that messaging me privately crossed a boundary and that I don’t text men. He said he understood… then kept doing weird stuff anyway. He started texting my husband nonstop, sending pictures of her through him, making comments about friendship, etc.

Final straw was on our actual wedding anniversary. She wanted to see me that day and I said it wasn’t a good day because my husband understandably felt uncomfortable with it being our anniversary. Then her husband messaged me AGAIN on Teams and everything blew up. I ended things after that.
Honestly I’m sad because I really liked her, but the situation with her husband made me feel constantly uncomfortable and disrespected.

So now I’m wondering: how do people actually meet women for relationships like this WITHOUT clubs or dating apps? My husband is supportive of me having a girlfriend, but neither of us want unicorn hunter/polycule dynamics.I wasn’t looking to date a couple or become part of a big interconnected group situation. I just wanted my own separate relationship with another woman. I literally just wanted a normal relationship with another woman.