u/Turbulent-Secret6216

Would appreciate answers from men and women.

I feel like my husband and I don’t flirt anymore. Give me your tips!

Salam,

My husband has completely relied on me financially for over 2 years now. We do not live together and the short period we did live together I paid for everything. He was financially independent before we married but there is a war in our home country where he used to work. He has fled to a different country while we work on getting him a visa to the US (where I am) and he is currently not able to work/get any income in the country he is in.

I am trying to be patient but there is no end in sight. I do not feel like a wife, he has never taken care of me financially or given me gifts. I know he cannot help the current circumstances but it’s hard to not feel resentful about taking care of someone for so long who has never taken care of me. I am not able to build any savings or do fun activities with my family and friends like I did before marriage.

I am very frustrated and have no one to talk to about it. I can’t talk to him because he is already ashamed and embarrassed about the situation. His family thinks he is working and I occasionally send him money to send to them. I can’t talk to my family and friends about the burden I feel because I am embarrassed about feeling this way. I know this is the path Allah has put me on and that finances are not everything but I was in good financial standing when we married but am now in a hole. It’s hard not to look at him as the cause of it. I know this is not a good way to think and that Allah is the sole provider but I can’t help feeling this way. I can ignore these feelings for a few months because he is generally a nice, respectful, and practicing man but they always come back.

I don’t know what I am looking for by posting this, I just wanted to get it out of my head. If any women have been in a similar situation I would really appreciate hearing from you. Thank you.

What’s something that your partner has done that’s made you feel really appreciated for working so hard for your family?

I started sub not realizing until after that there was a sub already for it. What’s the protocol or ethics here? I had started trying to build my sub by crossing and etc, and that’s how I stumbled upon the other sub.

Breadwinner wives are 16% of married households but 42% of divorces. Does this surprise you?
Research shows we still carry more housework and childcare even when we’re the primary earner. The only time husbands do equal work at home is when the wife earns 100% of the income.
How are you navigating the division of labor at home? What’s actually working?

Anyone else feel guilty spending money on themselves even though they’re the one earning it?
Like I pay every bill, handle every emergency, make sure everyone is taken care of — and then I feel guilty buying myself something without a reason.
Is this just me or is this a breadwinning spouse thing?

What’s something that your partner has done that’s made you feel really appreciated for working so hard for your family?

Let us know who’s cooking! Is it you or your husband? Does it depend on the day?

I’m a network engineer, i make 130k per year. My wife is a dentist, she makes 270k per year.

My wife thinks that I’m not contributing enough to our mortgage, bills, paying for our kids expenses , etc…, so every time when it comes to finance, we argue with each other. It creates significant tension. I feel insecure. I can’t remember how many arguments about finance we had during the last month 😟

To all the men, if your wife makes more than you, do you feel the same way as i do?

Update: my wife wants 50:50 split on everything

Calling all wives!! What do you do for a living?

I’m a financial analyst