u/TwistnotUpset

Disclaimer: Periya kadha porumaya padinga

Ennoda ex kooda panna chat ah export panni email la send panna vachurundhen, adhu draft la innum apdiye iruku (i never open mail app), adha theriyama innaiki open panni padichiten. Oru maari drained and depressing ah iruku adhanala dhan inga polambalame nu vandhen.

So she was my clg classmate. COVID la first sem online so appo whatsapp la pesunom first time. Idk how but the first day we chatted so much clicked so well that we chatted till 3am and she also shared her past stories with me (about her past relationship, we both had past relationships). Offline classes start aachu, we both were in a same group of friends. Konjam konjam ah pesi close aagi somehow we became lovers by 2 sem ending.

It was basically college love. Everything was like so perfect! Like even tho we both had flaws we were there with each other trying to fix and stayed for each other. 3 years got completed, we were so into the relationship, got caught by her family while walking on road, their parents knew about me (konjam strict dhan but serious ah onnum pannala therinjum theriyadha maari irundhanga)

We made hell lot of memories that still feel like dream. Like we had a date which got us closer first time, it was in rain where I gave her my jacket, we both were standing under a roof of a closed office looking at the glass (our reflection) blushing and smiling and hugging looking at the rain in an evening. ✨

So indha alavuku romba intense and deep ah dhan irundhuchu. She was someone who didn't want to be expressive cause of her past experiences, I changed her and became her comfort person so she changed alot but she lacked expressing love in a way I wanted, where I tried communicating many times to show me that she loved and avalum efforts pota so naanum appreciate pannen.

Everything went good, college mudinjudhu, I went to do a course a little far but in same city, she also went to do a course, it became LDR in same city. Even at that time she travelled from her center to my area to see me once (she literally came hugging like a kid which I still remember 🥺 I have never felt that). Avlo nalla irundhom

Then both of us got a job, we stayed a few kilometres away, weekends la regular ah meet pandra alavuku naanga free ah illa veetlayum vida maatanga so it was basically the LDR in same city again.

I used to visit her office which was 8-9 km away from my place just to meet for few minutes then drop her home (apdiyachum konjam time kedaikume kooda Iruka nu) and then again go back to my home. Round ah oru 20-22km aagidum.

After 4-5 months of getting job our chats reduced to gm, gn, saptiya and love you avlodhan nothing much. Again we had this argument of she not expressing her love to me and it kept repeating a bit frequently as it was before but now I thought fine she's having a job and other stuffs in life so I cannot expect those nu vituten.

I brought my first bike with my money and visited her office to show it to her, right after my parents did pooja for the vandi. Vandi ah kondu poi niruthuna she came out of office and was talking about her colleague or someone who was irritating her. Enakku oru maari aagiduchu i literally asked her "didn't you notice anything" nu then she saw and was like sorry sorry I was frustrated in office so I didn't notice nu sonna enakku andha sandhoshame poiduchu but still then we talked and I teased her for that and left it after that day.

Slowly things started to fade, the chat, the vibe, ellame. I still tried to keep up the spark, apapo avaluku pudicha snack ah surprise ah order panni viduven, mudinjapo la office la irundhu nera avala paaka poven, message poduven reply Pannala na busy ah irupa nu vandhuduven. Work la pressure, family problem adhu idhu nu she too had some issues, I kept cheering her up all the time and was there for her and ipdiye pochu.

After few days I started noticing some weird vibe from her like as if she's ignoring me or trying to avoid me. Enakku sari avlo problems irundha naala busy pola nu vituten. Even when I asked she was like vela busy, veetu prechana and many more stuffs she had been through. I felt those as genuine but still something was bothering me. I started feeling lonely and I felt something wrong with her. At times I used to get thoughts of my 1st ex in that low time. Adhayum I said to her like indha maari ava thoughts varudhu am feeling bad nu (i really felt bad and guilty for getting her thoughts while being with her even idk why I ran those thoughts in my head). She started like maybe am not good apdi ipdi nu. I said that apdi la onnum illa it's okay just be with me I'll try not to make things worse between us nu.

Her birthday came. I took her, brought her dress and went to a simple cafe on her birthday evening cause I had office work at the day (almost got into a accident while trying to buy flower for her before meeting her just uh miss uh !!) Still that night went well.

After that night weirdly she started distancing and getting more avoidant which went on for days and weeks. I started overthinking like if I did something or was the ex thing hurting her nu, but it was just that day after that I never brought it up again.

Things started getting very dry, she kept giving late replies and didn't meet me even when I asked for. It became very obvious. She used to be online but no reply to me, she used to like posts but never reply to my msgs in insta. Something felt wrong to me.

I openly asked her if she did something wrong or if she was hiding something from me. I didn't ask it even in interrogative way. "Edhavadhu solla mudiyama irukiya? Are you doing something wrong not able to tell me nu keten" she said nothing like that work pressure and house problems I was like fine.

After a point I literally asked her "Are you getting close to anyone in office or outside? Are you trying to hide anything" nu again she was like no. I asked her to promise she looked into my eyes and promised. I was like fine maybe am overthinking.

Later her father got ill, she was dry as always and decided to go for an office trip (even tho her father got ill just a week back). She informed me that and I was like fine it'll be a diversion for you too nu. She went to trip and literally ghosted me for the whole trip where I had to call her the second day to see if she reached or not. Only my Good mornings and good nights were there. So I called she was like (Thiruvannamalai) Kovil la full queue 8-9 hrs aachu mudila so msg Pannala nu (it was a pondi and tvmalai trip is what she said). I was like fine valid reason maari dhan iruku nu vituten.

But the ghosting continued even after the trip. I literally asked her again if anything was wrong she was like no. I told I wanted to meet and talk. She said that even she wanted the same and also wanted to talk. We met on Christmas.

Here starts the twist

We met and she asked for a break all of a sudden. I got shocked and was like why yen nu she said it's very overwhelming for me with all the issues nu. I said "illa venam I'll be there for you don't worry things will get alright I'll not disturb you until things get fine" nu but she still wanted break. I said okay and didn't contact her for a week I went out of town for new year spent new year night alone fully offline thinking what would happen. When I came back I couldn't control i went to meet her right after I got back and asked her to be with me and she was like f"ine we'll see am not sure nu, don't keep any hopes".

I felt something wrong for a day or two. I literally asked her if she did something wrong and not able to tell it out. She again promised me saying it's nothing like that.

Enakku rendu moonu naala thookame illa. Oru naal (4 days after new year) I asked her to meet me and asked for her phone so that I could console my overthinking. She argued at the beginning saying appo en Mela trust illaya apdi ipdi nu, I was like no I do have trust I just want to clear my overthinking once nu. She gave her phone reluctantly. I checked every app and then in WhatsApp I found a chat. It was a guy (her bestie) "Revi" Character, whom I asked her to cut long back because he was behind her waiting for his chance and also he had proposed her during her +2 time. But then became just friends. I opened the chat and found that she was texting him from her birthday (Oct)! From that birthday wish their chat was very frequent and my chat reduced parallelly. I found she had even gone to his brother's marriage (Sept), he had come to her home to invite her family, she went to the marriage alone (that night she late replied me and said she slept off) and took photos with him. They were planning to have a meet from many weeks after the marriage and that fellow had also asked her if she was fine meeting him without any guilt cause I was not comfortable she has told him "nothing like that if I had guilt I wouldn't even meet"! 💀

I had asked her so many times if she did something wrong or got closer to anyone. But she promised to me that it was nothing like that and fake promised too.

But then I saw these chats and also found that she had met him the day before meeting me on Christmas, they went out spent time from morning then she met me in the evening. She said that she cried to him about me because they went to temple where she and I used to go. I was like wtf?

My heart literally broke, I just broke down got panick attack on road and she tried consoling me but I went back to my office that day and evening I went back begging her, thinking maybe if she did this by mistake.

She just kept on asking for a break up, justifying that she didn't tell me because I would make an issue out of it and also suppoerted that guy. I literally tried asking her to get back and fix it together but she didn't want to. She came to a point saying, if he's really that bad I'll stop talking to him also but neeyum enakku venam nu sollita.

I literally told the story to my friends desparately thinking if they could help get us both back. And when they asked she said that I was suffocating her, and she was not even comfortable enough tell that she was going out to him, adha kooda solla mudiyadha alavuku naa vachukitenama. Enakku romba oru maari aagiduchu.

I tried asking a second chance few times after that. She didn't even like to talk to me. I just went into depression and cried alone and shared it with few of my friends.

I know I wasn't perfect. I overthought. I asked for reassurance. Enakkum flaws irukku. Naan adha deny panna maaten. But I genuinely tried to communicate. I tried to be there for her. I tried to keep the relationship alive. I stayed beside her through her problems. And now it's over.

Adhuku apram life la continuous ah neraya adi. Mudiyala road la lam ukkandhu aludhen. Frequent panick attacks and no sleeps for week. Ippo konjam paravala things are getting better.

Still trying to forget her but not able to forget that good version of her 💔

Ivlo dhooram padichurundha romba thanks !🤕🫂

Therla nga oru maari iruku, cha those chats just hit straight to my head and melted me in few seconds, kannula thanni vara aarambichuduchu 😖

Idha friends kitta thirupi thirupi solli irritate pandra maari irundhuchu adhan inga podren.

Typical breakup story dhan bore adichurundha sorry! 🫂🙂

Finally noticing the changes! 🤩

Aluga varudhu yaaru kitta polamburadhu nu therla 😓

Is it an illusion or is there any progress?