u/Typical-Celery87

I feel like mindfulness as it pertains to physical human contact of any kind is rare in our modern, hyper-digital, algorithm-driven social landscape. I've gotten really into mindfulness recently, and it's made me want a relationship with someone who values it as much as I do. A broadly mindful perspective on life appeals to me, but I especially think having a mindful view of the body and intimate interactions with others is really valuable, and I find myself really wanting that in a partner.

It seems antithetical to search for this on dating apps, because they're so full of the noise that pollutes our brains and distorts our perspectives. Looking on social media is probably a bad idea generally, but I once tried a mindfulness group in my area and found I didn't like it (mostly because I got weird vibes from a few of the others there.)

Anyone who's found love through mindfulness communities, please sound off.

Today, I started crying at dinner for reasons completely unrelated to them. What they said reminded me of something I'm sad about, but it was a perfectly normal, conversational thing to bring up and I have zero expectation of them not talking about it in the future. It is not something that usually triggers me, I was just having a uniquely bad day. I tried to explain this to them, but then they just listed all the things they feel like they can't talk about around me.

I've begged them not to do this, to say what they want to say. I think they really hate to see me cry and blame themselves for it every time it happens. 90% of the time, my reaction is not their fault at all, but they don't seem to understand this no matter how many times I say it. This is someone I used to feel like I could confide in, but now I'm afraid to cry around them because they always interpret it as an attack on them. This is a big problem, because I cry for no reason a lot during PMMD and when I'm on my period. My interactions with them usually make me feel worse, and this just isn't how it used to be.

My therapist told me that she gets the impression that this person interprets my emotions as something I do at them rather than around them. I really want to be more stable. I've been trying all sorts of different antidepressants and mood stabilizers. It just feels like nothing helps. I don't like being this sensitive, and I don't like people steering around it like this. If I'm to learn coping skills, I need people to behave normally around me, instead of dramatically changing their behavior and guilt-tripping me about it.

I don't know what to do. Is there some way I could communicate this information to them more effectively?

Edit: You know what? Screw it. This was about my mom. She was talking about her relationship with my dad, who she divorced twenty years ago. Literally just reminiscing about the eighties. Thanks to all the people who assumed I'm a huge jerk who cried when she announced an anniversary or something like that. Really made me feel good and didn't trigger my RSD at all! My emotional response was inappropriate regardless of the circumstances, but it hurt to have the situation misrepresented like this.