u/UberActivist

The two traffic lights there are a mess. I honestly wonder if it would work better if they used the existing space to make it a peanut roundabout to accommodate the turning traffic on Community.

Thoughts?

1. There is no part of the vehicle called the "trunk". Use ambiguous language like "the back", "the very back", "back there", etc.
2. Absolutely load your car up with anything you can before you pick up your order. Head to Sam's Club first and pick up your huge order of bulk paper towels and 48 pound bags of dog food. Bring the entire extended family with you in your 7 seat SUV while you're at it. Associates love it when you ask them to load groceries under your Toddler's feet. You get $25 in bonus pay if you attempt this as a delivery driver with the largest order it offers you.
3. As a delivery driver, your front seat is never on the table. Doesn't matter if all you have up there is your purse or wallet. Do not let the associate even look at your front seat.
4. Associates are not human, so keep this in mind when you place your order. Feel free to order 20 cases of water and 50 bags of mulch for delivery. You know what? Go ahead and order 200 items and then cancel them 30 minutes before they're due to be delivered. It's not like Walmart charges a restocking fee!
5. The perfect time to show up for your pickup or delivery is right in the middle of a violent windy thunderstorm. For express customer service, be sure to head to the OPD dispense door and bang on it during the storm to make sure you get their attention.
6. Walmart associates love loading delivery drivers with weird setups, so be creative. There's nothing better than telling the associate to put "one in the seat and one in the floorboard" (because everyone knows nothing keeps loose goods separated better than the power of gravity!), or "put the smallest order under my kid's feet." To become your local store's favorite, try telling them to put all 3 orders in your empty trunk. Bonus points if you repeatedly insist to the associate that "other stores let you do this" and "it'll fit just fine why won't you give me the order".
7. Wait times high? Bang on the door and demand every associate at the door tell you when you'll get your order/delivery. Everyone knows harassing the understaffed department will definitely make your order come out faster. They'll probably get it out even faster if you say "I got a text message saying it's ready to pick up where's my fucking order".
8. As a delivery driver, the best vehicles to take the largest delivery orders we offer are as follows: Smart Cars, Japanese Kei trucks, 2 door convertibles, and any vehicle with at least one door or trunk that won't open. The best vehicle to load an 85" Television in is a 2007 Toyota Corolla.
9. Trunk or hatch won't stay open on its own? Be sure NOT to tell the associate this so that they can instantly be injured by your car.

Did I miss anything? Let me know in the comments!