u/UncertainRecall

Hi everyone,

I was recently offered a position with Kohls as an LPS. I’m currently employed with another retailer in LP and I’m trying to weigh the pros and cons for myself. iIt would be a pay raise and come with more management type experience compared to my current position.

If you work or have worked for Kohls:

1. How metrics focused is the company? What are the internal/external expectations and do merchandise recoveries count towards external metrics?

2. When was the last major restructure for the LP department? Do you foresee mass layoffs or positions being cut in the near future?

3. How is the company culture? Do store teams feel receptive to LP initiatives or is there an us vs them mentality?

Hi everyone,

I was recently offered a position as an LPS with Kohls and I wanted to know if you all would recommend moving to Kohls. My current company is great but the LPS role is higher pay and would give me more managerial experience.

I’m a little nervous about leaving a more stable company for one that’s in a somewhat unstable position. Have there b recent, major restructures to the LP department? What is the work culture like? For current LPS- do merchandise recoveries count towards external case statistics or do only successful approaches/apprehensions count?

(throwaway account)

Hi everyone. I’ve been kinda… going through it lately and I feel like my sense of reality has been badly damaged so I thought an outside perspective might help me figure things out a bit. A long term relationship I was in recently ended and my ex told me that I had been emotionally abusive towards him, but my friends are saying that they’ve been worried about my safety for the last couple of years. I recently resumed therapy because I recognize that I have a lot of problems that I need professional help with, but if I really was the problem then I don’t want to misrepresent myself to my therapist and avoid accountability.

As a basic overview, me (NB27) and my ex (M29) live together and both work full time. My job is higher paying so I would cover dates and a higher portion of rent and other costs. Until about a year ago, my commute was 30-60 minutes and his was about 15. We both have been diagnosed with BPD and have some memory issues as a result. I was in therapy weekly for about a year but had to stop due to cost/schedule issues and he hasn’t been in therapy the entire relationship.

I manage most of our household bills (paying rent, utilities, car, grocery shopping, household essentials etc); he sends me a set amount each paycheck for his portion. I do all of the cooking and cleaning (dishes, laundry, trash, vacuuming, etc). I’ve asked him to help me with these things repeatedly and he agrees, helps for maybe a week, then goes back to leaving it all to me.

The two main reasons he said that I was being abusive were that I made him feel like he wasn’t allowed to have friends and that we would get into yelling arguments over pointless things and he said that I was just really mean to him when we fought.

A lot of the time when we fought it would be over things that really didn’t matter, or he’d find the worst possible way to interpret what I said and wouldn’t listen when I tried to explain. Like at one point I said that I thought that drawing animal characters with a visible butthole was “weird” and he got really upset and accused me of being culturally close minded. I tried to explain that I wasn’t trying to say there was anything wrong with people liking those designs, just that I personally didn’t understand why it was cute and found it to actually detract from the cuteness. But he really hated that I used the word “weird“. I think we had this argument like at least three different times?

We would also argue when he saw misinformation on Reels or whatever and I would try to tell him that the video he saw was out of context. Like one time he saw something claiming that a medication he took wasn’t actually effective and was just a placebo, so I looked up the study and the truth was that it’s not effective for treating depression but is effective for PTSD, and it was being used to treat his PTSD. He wouldn’t listen to me try to explain the study, and said that I wasn’t being considerate of his feelings because I didn’t validate the anxiety he felt when he thought he had been taking a medication for no reason basically. I didn’t really think I needed to comfort him emotionally though because the thing he was scared of wasn’t even true, so he had no reason to be freaked out.

I’m generally not a very empathetic or emotional person though, and I think that’s why I came across as mean maybe? Like I don’t really understand what the point is in dwelling on negative emotions. I feel like it’s better to focus on solving the problem so it no longer causes you stress. So I would get frustrated when he’d come home and spend 2-3 hours a night complaining about work. It was all we ever talked about and it felt like he was just going in circles the whole time. I was actively finding jobs and doing his job applications for him during this time. I don’t know if he did a single one but I was doing 2-3 a day every day for probably three months straight plus helping him prep for interviews. So I felt like I was being supportive?

The friend thing is… a little more complicated because I can definitely see why he felt like I hated all of his friends but I also feel like I was right to dislike them? He did have casual acquaintances I was neutral on but there’s a few people I definitely vocalized my dislike of:

1. A friend who would repeatedly pressure me to drink when I didn’t want to, said some pretty transphobic things about non binary people, and would touch me without asking. I said I didn’t want to hang out with this person and didn’t want to do group activities if he was there.
2. Friend who ghosted us for over a year (I liked her before this) because they got a new boyfriend. I said I didn’t really want to be friends with someone who was willing to do that, because I didn’t really forgive them and had no faith they wouldn’t do the same thing again. I told him he was welcome to do whatever he wanted but I didn’t want to reconnect.
3. Friend who would drink like all of our alcohol when she came over even if no one else was drinking and then stopped talking to us because her girl friend didn’t like us. I think all I really said on her was that I didn’t want her to come over anymore because I was tired of her drinking all our alcohol.
4. Friend that he worked with who would sabotage his job performance and talk shit about him to their manager. I listened to him complain about her so much so when he’d tell me “oh but she’s great outside of work and I’m going out hang out with her” I’d be like “okay but she’s not a very good friend to you and i dont understand why you want to hang out with her when she literally triggers panic attacks”.
5. Friend that he would spend 11-12 hours with and cancel plans with me to see. I didn’t actually dislike her, but I felt very jealous of the time he spent with her and told him that while I was glad he had her as a friend, I didn’t really have an interest in forming a friendship with her myself because I didn’t think we had shared interests. I did go out to dinner in group settings with her a couple times. I kinda feel like she was an emotional affair partner because all of that happened in like a month before we broke up.

I also do have a weird thing about letting people into the apartment. It’s very small and cluttered with laundry, books, trash from his snack food when I haven’t cleaned it up, scratch pads for our cat, etc. I don’t like having guests over when the house is messy, so I told him if people were coming over I either wanted it to be while I was at work, after we cleaned up so I didn’t feel embarrassed, or with enough notice that I could make other plans. He wanted to invite friend #5 over on the one day we had off together which I was pretty upset about because that would have been our date day, and was really upset when I said I didn’t want to be at home while she was over. This one triggered a panic attack in me because of how stressful the guests in messy house thing is but he said I made him feel like he was a guest in his own house because I hated people coming over. But I feel like I was trying to compromise?

Obviously there’s no way to completely capture a years long relationship in one post but… are my actions covert emotional abuse? Or are we both just severely mentally ill? Or are my friends maybe right and I’m not the problem here?