u/Unfair-Cranberry-889

!!! switching doctors from here, relaying what the ER told me, and hoping to figure out why my jaw ears and head are in never ending pain

I'm at home with her and feeling worse and worse, losing functionality. I've not had good experiences with therapists lately and the main person who talks to me is her. Every thing she says and does, whether directly to me or on the phone when she's ignoring me and talking to friends, feels like a punch to the gut. I'm a social person and the only person I really socialize with is dragging me down further, and further, and further, and by the time anyone else gets to me I'm greeted with disgust and misunderstanding. If she destroys my life and personality for good everyone will think it's a me problem. feeling sad.

Also the government should do something about all the covid adult dependents who left jobs and relationships to move back in with the narc parent and became too disabled to work while the narc wails about taking care of the adult. I'm seeing this on too massive a scale. Changed behavior would "enable" the adult the way they think paying their bills does but we are still stuck on too disabled to work.

Just stuck on that feeling for hours and it won't expand and I have no way to relieve it :(

I'm having the most frustrating back and forth with my doctors. I actually got really good help in 2021, but I haven't since 2024 when I got the worst head pain and "psych" presenting issues. I do and do not feel mentally ill, at the same time. I can function but I have what feels like a mix of schizophrenia and adhd, but also not because it comes and goes like a fever. When I first reached out to my health insurance company to see a doctor about this, they acted SO bizarre. They sent me a work injury clinic as a primary care, with a doctors name who didn't exist when I called the clinic. When I seeked out psychiatry and therapy, the psychiatrists office would change my appointment times constantly and act like I got it wrong. I have not lost the ability to keep track of dates and times, it was almost like satire experiencing gaslighting on this level with them. Antipsychotics made me unable to sleep for days, even with the addition of Ambien. SSRI's also didn't really do much. My last doctors visit on the phone I explained to them that I did not feel comfortable coming in because I felt like they were insinuating I was crazy and this was pure psychiatric. I ended up calling my insurance, I didn't even complain, and today they sent me a letter that they were reviewing my grievance for my doctor not providing trans-inclusive care. I am not trans.. genuinely my experience with doctors and insurance since getting this weird thing in 2024 has made me feel like they've gone crazy. I am thinking of just paying a couple hundred out of pocket with a long covid doctor over the phone next from the website that is posted on here. I'm so sorry to the people that don't have this version of things for how this sounds, but I am genuinely at a loss about what to do.

I've always had anxious attachment style and struggled in relationships with avoidant types, but I was still able to have fun and find dates and have boyfriends every once in a while. Since getting my worst symptoms late 2024 my dating life is a nightmare, going on dates gives me massive headaches, I feel super embarrassed that it's obvious something is wrong with me and the rejection hurts more afterwards. I'm in my 30s and feeling like I'm never going to enjoy a date or find a boyfriend again. Wish there was an easier way to navigate this.

The people around me who argue with me most about "trusting what the doctor tells me" and not what I read online make me the most symptomatic. Sometimes a single interaction with a pleasant and understanding person gets rid of my symptoms for a short while, until I run into a new trigger. I'm considering just figuring this out without the trauma of even having a doctor. My last visit with my pcp over the phone left me with disordered thinking, intense jaw pain, etc, all my usual symptoms. I'm honestly thinking of just tackling this without wasting any more effort and risking more suffering going through a doctor. And then when I'm healthy getting insurance again.

have been to the hospital more times since 2020 than the rest of my life combined. had some great doctors but after developing new symptom set 2024 i have not had a single good interaction with a doctor or therapist and im afraid if i keep searching ill just run into the same problem. i am in southern california and have medi-cal.

I'll try to make this short because I'm mostly seeking people with similar symptoms for help. When the pandemic hit, I was a few years into taking time off after college and working part-time. I had always planned on attending law school and was starting to study for the LSAT when my job shut down, and I moved home to live with family. I ended up quarantine-ing alone for months. It was horrible. The entire time I was extremely unwell, physical symptoms were strange sensations in my body, like zaps, inability to get comfortable and at times couldn't sit down, some head pain, and also extreme talkativeness and hyperactivity. My families attitude towards my symptoms was that I was unmanageable, and they mostly left me alone, but one day on a walk I was picked up by police and taken to the hospital. That was the first time I was 5150'd. It was because of how strange I looked and was acting. After that instance, for some reason I would call 911 and ask them to pick me up. They did, 2 more times I went to the hospital by choice and both times I was 5150'd from the emergency room. Basically I was just like spasming and acting off. Eventually I went to a rehab clinic which was much more helpful, and after that I never went back to the hospital. My family never really got over how I acted and unfortunately sort of continued to treat me as a burden and someone who had gone crazy. This stinks because I loved living alone before this, and generally like to be as independent as possible.

Fast forward to 2024, I actually ended up finally taking the LSAT and applying to law school, which in retrospect I'm really embarrassed about because this entire time I should have been focusing on whatever was still wrong with me but I was just trying to act as normal as possible and keep things moving. Right around this time, I had shortness of breath so bad (this had been off and on since 2020) that I drove to the ER. They didn't test me for anything, but did a lung x-ray, and told me I was having an anxiety attack and had a bit of a virus. A few weeks later, I started to feel VERY mentally ill. Like basically, tics. Intrusive strange one-liners that my brain would repeat over and over. Even though I was not hyperactive or excitable like before, and didn't seem on surface crazy like before, this destroyed my life. I spent 8 months just living through it until I finally reached out to a therapist and a few psychiatrists. 2 would not diagnose me and the one that did told me it was schizoaffective. I felt like it was more like OCD, or tics, because I wasn't having auditory or visual hallucinations, it was just my brain constantly attacking me with these stupid absurd one-liners. I tried Abilify, it was horrible. I tried SSRI's, also horrible. I also had the worst experience with a therapist I've ever had, I usually love therapists 😞. I tried to explain my symptoms to my family and they basically thought I was just crazy again. They did say they liked that I was not as hyper as before, which is understandable, but they really don't understand how agonizing this is for me now.

I've been back to the doctor too and they've put me on antihistamines and told me to go to therapy. I don't think they treat long covid, even though it seems prevalent where I live. I found this sub because of an artist on instagram, she posted about long covid and I googled it. I thought it was just an extended cough. Nobody ever told me anything I went through since 2020 could have been related to COVID. I never tested positive. Finding out about it changed my life overnight, I think due to the relief that there was something potentially treatable and also of course being able to tell people that they cannot just write me off as crazy. I struggle with guilt over wanting to separate myself from people with mental illness, and don't want to stigmatize. I think it's more about wanting treatment that actually addresses what is wrong with me.

On top of the tic-like thoughts, since the new symptoms set post 2024 ER visit, I have constant tooth pain and ear pain. They've sent me to a head neck and ear doctor, I've gotten an MRI. It's just frustrating because nothing has helped and the narrative is still that I am crazy, even though I have physical symptoms too. I try to manage by being extremely careful what I eat and how I interact with people, and also slowing down as much as possible. I'm desperate to just feel relaxed again, even when I was like 5150 crazy I did not have this level of pain and low quality of life with the internal chatter.

Oops I did not keep this short, but if anyone can relate to my symptoms please tell me what I should be doing to keep them at bay.