u/UnfairCollection1036

I’m the 25M who posted earlier about being stuck between my relationship, family pressure, astrology, and guilt.

After thinking deeply for the past few days, I’m starting to realize that my confusion may not only be because of my mother, astrology, or family beliefs. I think a major part of it is that we may simply not be compatible as long-term life partners.

We both genuinely love and care for each other, and she is not a bad person at all. In fact, she has been through a lot in life, and emotionally I care about her deeply. Her mother passed away, her father left when she was young, and even her sister and brother-in-law were not emotionally supportive toward her. Right now she stays alone in a paying guest (PG) accommodation and honestly does not have many people she can truly depend on emotionally. Because of that, she became extremely attached to me, and I also started feeling very responsible for her happiness and future.

But when I honestly imagine marriage, living together, raising kids, and building a future in the USA, I keep feeling that our personalities, lifestyles, and ambitions are very different.

I’m very ambitious, career-driven, fitness-focused, energetic, and extroverted. I love music, movies, traveling, self-improvement, and staying active all the time. I want a partner who pushes me, motivates me, and grows with me in life.

She is more introverted, low-energy, and simple in lifestyle. She doesn’t really enjoy movies, music, fitness, or the kind of active lifestyle I enjoy. In her free time, she mostly prefers sitting quietly and relaxing, while I’m someone who constantly wants to do things, explore, or improve myself.

Another major difference is that I want a partner who continues working and building a career after marriage, especially if we move to the USA. But she has said she may not want to work after marriage. That honestly scares me because I know how difficult life in the USA can be financially and mentally, especially with future responsibilities like children.

Even basic things like lifestyle habits, energy levels, attraction, ambition, and future expectations feel very different between us. I’m starting to feel that while she may be a very good human being and emotional support system, she may not actually be the right life partner for me.

The hardest part is that she is emotionally very attached to me and says she cannot handle life without talking to me daily. Because of that, I kept avoiding difficult conversations and thought maybe I should just continue talking happily without discussing all these things. But now I’m realizing that doing that may actually hurt her more in the future if my heart is already becoming uncertain.

At this point, I’m honestly thinking about breaking up with her, but I’m terrified of hurting someone who trusted me deeply and already feels abandoned by many people in life.

I genuinely don’t know how to handle this situation in the kindest and most mature way possible.

I am x, and currently I am living in the USA and working at amazon in Seattle. I first met y in my previous company, cognizant. From the beginning, I admired her character, attitude, and the way she carried herself. During my final semester, after I came to the USA, I confessed my love to her. At that time, we were already very good friends. She took around six months before saying yes because she wanted to understand me properly and test whether I was genuine.

As time passed, our relationship became stronger. After I got my job, we continued loving and supporting each other. During this period, y went through a very difficult phase in life. Her mother passed away, and her father had already left her when she was a child. Her sister and brother-in-law also did not support her properly. They expected her to give them the money she earned, which she did not like, so she decided to move out and stay in a PG by herself.

Today, for y, I am everything her present, future, emotional support, and family. Seeing her situation makes me feel even more responsible toward her.

I spoke about y to my mother, but my mother does not like the idea of this relationship. One of the main reasons is that y does not have parents and is staying alone. My mother wants me to marry a girl from what she calls a “good family background.” At the same time, my mother is extremely important to me because she sacrificed a lot for my dreams and supported me throughout my life. Because of her support, I am where I am today.

To make things more confusing, when I consulted astrologers, they said that our horoscopes are not matching well and that marriage may not be good for us. In our family, we also have a tradition of asking our home deity/god before making important life decisions. Even for my master’s degree in the USA, we followed this tradition. This time, when we asked regarding this relationship, the answer came as “No.”

Now I am completely stuck and emotionally broken. I don’t know what to do.

One side of me wants to stand against everyone, marry y, and bring her to the USA because I genuinely love her and care for her deeply. But another side of me fears the future what if problems really happen later as everyone is warning? What if my mother’s health gets affected because of this stress? That thought hurts me a lot.

At the same time, I am also scared of giving y hope and commitment for the future if I am not 100% sure I can marry her. What if she waits for me for years and, in the end, things don’t work out? I don’t want to hurt her or waste her life either.

Right now, I feel lost, emotional, and unable to decide between my love, my responsibility toward my mother, my family beliefs, and the fear of the future.

Also, y doesn’t want to marry anyone apart from me as I am her first love, she is saying she stays single all her life.

Please help me what to do