u/UnfilteredAyush

For context, i went through an incident recently, which broke my trust in a friend, and yeah for a few days I was down, also made a post here, thanks to everyone who commented and consoled me.

The thing is, i got to know about this from someone else, and I have come to the conclusion that I am not gonna confront my friend about it, and will slowly maintain a distance, neither I am gonna do some sort of revenge, meaning, no rudeness against them or something, i will just not entertain them as much, and not invest my emotions and time towards them.

This has been how I have lived my life till now, whenever I am wronged by someone, I just cannot confront them, thinking about getting revenge or doing wrong to them is out of this world to me. My friends/most people I talk to, never support this idea of mine, they want me to confront them, take some revenge, give them back. But i just can't do it, i am scared of all the chaos, all the shouting, all the negativity it's gonna generate. I am happy, letting things be, not addressing them, but this also comes as weakness or like i have come to terms with it, and the stuff they did does not affect me, but it definitely does, I get hurt, I feel like crying, i feel like shouting my heart out, but not at them.

I recall a few instances, in my childhood, in recent life, where i confronted, where I was right, and either it lead to a heated argument, or the other person did not get cared about me, and that hurted even more, so now I only have this one response to situations like this, which i sometimes think is not right...

I don't exactly know, if I am seeking advice about this, or just wanna know how you all respond in such situations, just felt to write about it and share, with people, who might understand.

TLDR :

I was hurt by a friend, but instead of confronting or taking revenge, I’ve decided to quietly distance myself.

I avoid confrontation because past experiences showed me it often leads to more hurt and negativity.

I know this may seem like weakness or avoidance, but I genuinely don’t want revenge or conflict.

It takes a lot of years and effort to build trust with a person. I went outside my comfort zone, showed my actual feelings and emotions (you all know how difficult it is), became an open book, my mistake? I expected the same from the other person.

I don't feel anger, maybe not sadness too, it's confusion, I am not able to process my feelings. I don't blame them, I am blaming myself for being so dumb, not understanding the signals, not being critical.

It's ruined, now I am always gonna be paranoid, not sure if i will be able to show this level of trust in a stranger further in my life.

I am always gonna be scared.

And this wasn't even a romantic relationship, it was friendship, which I thought was too close, turns out, it wasn't from the other end.

And ykw I still wish the other person the best, I don't have any hate for them. And this is what causes the confusion of how to process this. If i have anger and resentment, it's towards myself, for being so delusional, and so understanding.

(Edit) This is the 3rd set of lines I wrote. Going silent, processing emotions is too real. I am just doing my work, and i don't wanna do anything else, talk to anyone or anything. I wrote about it 2 times earlier, it helped, was personal and full of context so did not post. Posted this, because I just wanted to let it out, probably to someone who might understand.

Life is going decent, I have a decent job, with a great work environment and not a bad wlb, good enough pay, i give time to my family, I have a few close friends and things are stable. I should be happy, shouldn't I? And I am for a bit, but I see people earning way more, doing great in career/academia and i feel like, have i settled for average? During school I was like an exceptional kid, teachers/parents all used to be hyped up about me, my studies/career, but it all faded away slowly.

I know everyone has a different path in life, different experiences, different destinations, and I am the one telling this to others when other people cry about comparing others (great) life with theirs (they think miserable). I earn good enough for a fresher, most of my friends/people around me, earn less than what I invest every month, and I am not boasting about it, I am very grateful for it, and I have worked really hard and gone through a lot of shit to get here. But then I see people earning double than me, working at a bigger organisation, living luxuriously, having a great romantic relationship, and then I feel I failed. I know it's a good motivation to work hard and be there, but the feeling becomes of failure more than motivation most of the time.

I have been trying to fuel this feeling towards working for a better career/personality, but I tend to keep losing momentum, the thoughts of being a failure creeps in and I just go in a spiral for a day or two.

I might not have worded correctly what I feel, but yeah, some sort of this.

Do any of you deal with something like this too? How do you tackle it?