Hello, I moderate a community that requires a User Flair for every comment. I've set it to remove the comments and provide an explanation on how to set flair but that just results in a flood in my modmail of people saying they don't know how to set user flair, Is there a way to automatically set user flair for every new commenter?
The video was (what looked like) from a police body cam and the officer was telling 2 guys (presumably boyfriends of offenders) that the 2 girls who were arrested were found eating eachother out by the pool. One of the people in the video said "thats a wrap" or something like that. Just looking for that portion.
We used to hang out every day. He was loud and always had something to say about the world, and most of it was negative. He figured people were mostly selfish, happiness didn't last, and nothing good stayed good for to long. He acted like his disappointment proved he understood life better than anyone else.
I don't think he planned to get that way.
It just happened over time. Bad days added up, mistakes stuck with him, and he started drinking more to deal witht it. He stayed inside more and more. Curtains closed, lights off, no replies to messages, no plans. He stopped thinking things would improve. He wouldnt call it giving up. He said he was just being realistic.
Now I spend most of my time out of the house. I like watching the rain come in over the trees, talking to strangers, hearing their stories, and making plans for the weeks and months ahead. If he heard me say that, he'd laugh, not because he thought I was wrong but because he couldn't picture feeling that way himself.
I still see him sometimes in old photos or when I catch my reflection in a dark window or when a memory pops up while I'm making coffee. He always looks worn out. I wish he'd been easier on himself. Not with all the drinking or the anger or the loneliness. It's like he thought he deserved all of it. Like suffering was something he owed and happiness was only for other people.
If I could talk to him for an hour, I'd tell him that most of the stuff that kept him up at night, including the drinkin, ended up working out. The world wasn't as bad as he believed. People cared about him more than he knew. And he'd made it through. He probably wouldnt by it, but I'd say it anyway.
The house is quieter these days. Sometimes I almost forget he was here. Then a song or a smell or an old habit brings it all back. I miss him now and then. Not because I want him back, but because he got me to where I am. For all the problems he caused, we were doing the best we could with what we had. I was all he had, because he was me.
Air fried apple slice topped with cottage cheese and garnished with cinnamon. I made at 2am, at work, while thinking about where I used to be. It was super simple and was VERY good.
Some of you may have been wondering what happened.
Recently, a few posts from our community made it to r/all, which brought in a large influx of outside traffic and, unfortunately, a lot of hateful comments. In an effort to help manage that, I made some changes to AutoModerator.
One of those changes didn't work quite as intended and ended up requiring flair for everyone instead of simply providing a reminder. I've gone ahead and corrected that, and everything should now be back to normal.
Thanks for your patience while I worked through it, and as always, I appreciate everyone who helps keep this community running smoothly.
Today is going to be a busy day for me. I've worked through the backlog of reports and handled anything that seemed necessary, but I'd like to get some feedback from the community.
I'd like to take a quick census on where you all think the subreddit is currently at. If there are rules you'd like to see adjusted, clarified, removed, or added entirely, this is the place to bring them up.
Please keep all feedback in the comments of this post. Modmail and my personal DMs aren't the right place for this discussion.
Overall, you've all done a great job of self-moderating, and I'd like to hear your thoughts on what we can do to make the community even better.
I'm a new mod for BoyDinnerDiaries. I'll do my best to help out where I can.
As a reminder, please continue reporting posts and comments that violate the community rules.
Female Redditors are welcome to participate in discussions. If you do, please set the appropriate user flair or send me a message through Mod Mail. Please keep all interactions civil, respectful, and constructive. Any personal insults and excessive expletives will be removed.
This is a men's support group. Healthy discussion and differing viewpoints are welcome, but hostility, personal attacks, and unnecessary arguments will not be tolerated.
I am refusing to change my stance on kids after my wife gave me an ultimatum.
A few days after I made this post, things escalated even more. My wife started sending me listings for huge houses literally across the country. Like giant family homes with big yards. She kept saying stuff like “imagine having a kid running around this yard with the dog” and trying to paint this whole picture of a completely different life.
I asked her why she was suddenly looking at houses thousands of miles away when my entire family and support system is here. That’s when she told me she has apparently “never been happy” where we live and hasn’t been happy here since she was a kid. She said she doesn’t think she’ll ever be happy or succesful if she stays here.
That conversation hit me almost harder than the kids conversation did. Because from my perspective, we actually do have stability here. Our families are here, my career is here, my support system is here, and as someone who has been sober for 3.5 years, that stability matters a lot to me. I’ve worked extremely hard to build a life that keeps me grounded and healthy.
We sat down again and had a long talk, although honestly it was mostly me talking while she sat there quietly. I told her that while I hadn’t spent much time thinking about having a child, I had spent a lot of time thinking about the ultimatum she gave me. I told her I couldn’t get past the fact that she admitted she expected me to eventually change my mind all along, despite me being upfront from the very begining.
I also told her that hearing her say she’ll “never be happy” here made me realize I don’t think I can be with someone who feels permanently unhappy no matter how hard we try to build a good life together. I’ve spent years trying to improve myself, heal from my past, get sober, and build stability. I’m not willing to throw away my career, leave my friends and family, move across the country, and risk my sobriety for a future I never wanted in the first place.
I ended up asking her for a divorce.
That’s when she completely broke down crying and admitted she “didn’t mean” the ultimatum. She said she thought if she pushed hard enough, I’d be too scared to lose her and would just agree to have a kid to keep the marriage.
That hurt. Because, at that point, it stopped feeling like a disagreement about kids and started feeling like manipulation.
I still love her, and I understand people can change. But I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel secure with someone who admitted they hid something this important before marriage because they hoped I’d eventually cave under pressure later. Turns out being almost on the same page about life is kind of like they say “close enough” only works for horseshoes and handgrenades.
Loaded hashbrowns with white bread while out to breakfast with my dad, because Fuck trying to be healthy when my life is literally falling apart around me.
My wife and I have been together since about a year after highschool and from the beginning I was clear I don’t want kids. That has never changed. I am 27M and she is 26F
She actually agreed with me the whole time. We talked about it a lot over the years, including before we got married, and she was always on the same page. So I felt like we were solid on that.
Recently she told me she now wants kids. That caught me completely off guard. When I reminded her of everything we had talked about before, she said she thought I would eventually change my mind.
We tried to talk about it but it turned into a pretty rough conversation fast. Instead of talking it through, she basically told me that if I don’t agree to have kids, she would consider divorce or finding someone else who will.
That really messed with me. It didn’t feel like a discussion about our future, it felt like I was being told to either change something I’ve always been firm on or lose my marriage.
Since then I don’t really feel secure in the relationship the same way anymore. It feels like something pretty big was just dropped on me after years of thinking we were on the same page.
I’ve also worked pretty hard on myself over the years. I got sober from alcohol 3 and a half years ago and I’ve been dealing with a lot of childhood stuff from a pretty bad relationship with my father. I’ve built better coping skills and stability for myself since then, and part of that is knowing my limits and what I can realistically handle.
I’ve explained why I don’t want kids, both mentally and financially, and that hasn’t changed for me. I even said I was open to revisiting the conversation after we buy a house and get more stable, but right now it feels like it’s being framed as a now or never situation.
I get that people can change their minds, and I’m not saying she’s wrong for wanting kids now. I just don’t know if I’m wrong for standing my ground and feeling like this was unfair and kind of sudden.
Barbecue Chicken Mac n Cheese because even when my life is falling apart around me I can still cook 👍
Edit: Added some more context
I hope y'all never understand what its like to drink yourself sober by 25
Sheppard's pie with carrots, onions, spinach and an Arizona green tea