u/Unlucky-Control-2150

Hello fellow Two Hot Takes fans! I (31f) have been a long time listener but first time poster. I thought I could come on here and share my experience and maybe get some insight on whether I should be putting more effort into taking care of my dad or not.

So for background, my dad and I have never been close. He has always been a bit absent, basically used me as a therapist my whole life to talk about his marital problems with my mom, or just monologue to me about things I wasn’t interested in like his motorcycles or whatever fixation he had during that time.

We always had a tremulous household growing up. My parents always fought about whatever but the worst was my older brother who truly hated me. He would abuse me endlessly, physically and otherwise.

Fast forward to years later, I don’t see my dad too often other than Christmas and when he would complain that he hasn’t seen me in a long time. One day, after my brother (half brother) tried to sleep with my mom (not his mom, but still practically raised him), it came out about my own abuse growing up and caused some chaos in the family.

After facing harassment from him, I had to get the cops to threaten him to leave me alone. The thing is, my whole family cut him off except for my dad. He said he felt guilty because it’s his son and he can’t just cut him off. My sister told me that I should see it from his perspective and my dad didn’t treat my brother well growing up so he feels responsible for the way he ended up. I grew more distant from my dad and never spoke to my brother again.

Fast forward about two years, my dad has a really terrible stroke and he is basically incapacitated. He can’t work, is not able to live on his own, and needs assistance. At this point my brother said he would take care of him, but basically just did the bare minimum and didn’t care about my dad just wanted free housing. THEN my dad cut him off when My sister stepped in and took over his care.

Me and my dad were never close, but I have to act a certain way because my sister would think I’m heartless and it would break his heart if I told him how I really feel. The thing is; I don’t really care about what his condition is now. It doesn’t change who he was before. He wants me to visit him, and care for him, bring his to appointments or whatever but I don’t want to do any of it. It’s a lot on my sister to take it all in her shoulders, but I don’t want to see him unless I have to. It’s just a duty to my family I guess.

I have been struggling with this since he had his stroke 3 years ago and it’s built up resentment from my sister. What can I do? I tried going to therapy but it didn’t really help much. Maybe I need to try again. There is so much more to the story but I don’t want this to be longer than it already is.

Thank you for reading

Hello fellow Two Hot Takes fans! I have been a long time listener but first time poster. I thought I could come on here and share my experience and maybe get some insight on whether I should be putting more effort into taking care of my dad or not.

So for background, my dad and I have never been close. He has always been a bit absent, basically used me as a therapist my whole life to talk about his marital problems with my mom, or just monologue to me about things I wasn’t interested in like his motorcycles or whatever fixation he had during that time.

We always had a tremulous household growing up. My parents always fought about whatever but the worst was my older brother who truly hated me. He would abuse me endlessly, physically and otherwise.

Fast forward to years later, I don’t see my dad too often other than Christmas and when he would complain that he hasn’t seen me in a long time. One day, after my brother (half brother) tried to sleep with my mom (not his mom, but still practically raised him), it came out about my own abuse growing up and caused some chaos in the family.

After facing harassment from him, I had to get the cops to threaten him to leave me alone. The thing is, my whole family cut him off except for my dad. He said he felt guilty because it’s his son and he can’t just cut him off. My sister told me that I should see it from his perspective and my dad didn’t treat my brother well growing up so he feels responsible for the way he ended up. I grew more distant from my dad and never spoke to my brother again.

Fast forward about two years, my dad has a really terrible stroke and he is basically incapacitated. He can’t work, is not able to live on his own, and needs assistance. At this point my brother said he would take care of him, but basically just did the bare minimum and didn’t care about my dad just wanted free housing. THEN my dad cut him off when My sister stepped in and took over his care.

Me and my dad were never close, but I have to act a certain way because my sister would think I’m heartless and it would break his heart if I told him how I really feel. The thing is; I don’t really care about what his condition is now. It doesn’t change who he was before. He wants me to visit him, and care for him, bring his to appointments or whatever but I don’t want to do any of it. It’s a lot on my sister to take it all in her shoulders, but I don’t want to see him unless I have to. It’s just a duty to my family I guess.

I have been struggling with this since he had his stroke 3 years ago and it’s built up resentment from my sister. What can I do? I tried going to therapy but it didn’t really help much. Maybe I need to try again. There is so much more to the story but I don’t want this to be longer than it already is.

Any advice?