u/Unlucky_Job6253

Hey everybody, it’s my first post on here and to be honest I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I’m just hoping to find a positive community during this really dark and challenging time.

Over a year ago was when I first began resorting to food for comfort. At the time I was being bullied at school for my weight (looking back I was not fat at all, but you know how callous teen boys can be) which in turn lead me to have serious body image issues. I then began resorting to food for comfort. It was my vice, the only thing that gave me dopamine throughout my days. It became a really unhealthy coping mechanism for me to not only hide my emotions but to detach from reality. I stopped seeing friends, stopped going to school and at its peak I stopped going outside entirely.

I had developed agoraphobia whilst simultaneously fighting a battle with depression & episodes of depersonalisation. This cycle lasted for over 10 months, with multiple zoom therapy calls (because I was too paranoid to go outside), multiple attempts on my life, a heck load of emotional baggage and the pièce de résistance….. 25kg gained

At my heaviest I was 90kg (I’m 5’8).

Something then flipped after I had one of the scariest binges of my life which resulted in me being incredibly sick, I decided I needed to change something (that something being my whole entire mindset, body and soul lol) FULL REBRAND STYLE.

I busted my ass for 8 months, began going outside (even if it was to a tiny post office down the street), doing basic hygiene again, walking on the treadmill consistently. In the beginning, I was so socially anxious I struggled to talk to anyone without my mum present, couldn’t hold eye contact for longer than a millisecond and still had a major fear of being observed by others.

8 months later and life has dramatically changed since then. I’ve lost 24kg all up, I’m confident, have built a new identity for myself and can actually hold a conversation now (by myself 😅). Well that was until 3 weeks ago.. it was three weeks ago to this day that I decided I was at a place emotionally to see my abusive dad (who I went no contact with for those 8 months) for the first time again. I felt ready, what could go wrong right? WELL APPARENTLY A SHITTTTT TON.

To cut a long story short a lot of things re surfaced for me emotionally, not only did one interaction with him make me feel like those 8 months of work meant nothing but worst of all I felt like the old me. Who’d hide in the school bathrooms to escape dickhead school bullies. And just like that I was triggered and now since 3 weeks ago Ive been resorting to the same old coping mechanism younger me did to escape emotional trauma.

I’ve binged consistently for 3 weeks now and have gained 10kg, I’m petrified and I feel myself beginning to become more socially reclusive. I feel so stuck and scared, I have so many dreams I can’t loose all the progress I’ve made. I’ve work too damn hard. I’m so so lost.

I have no idea how to shed this now extra 10kg to get back to 66kg, (I understand water weight definitely plays a key factor) my goal weight it around 60-57kg…

How do I break these patterns ? How do I work through the deeper issues to stop falling back on food ?

If you happened to read this post I want to say thank you, it means the absolute world to me and I’d really appreciate to hear your journey. If you have any advice please feel free to share. Let’s break this toxic cycle together !!! 💛💛💛

Hey everybody, it’s my first post on here and to be honest I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I’m just hoping to find a positive community during this really dark and challenging time.

Over a year ago was when I first began resorting to food for comfort. At the time I was being bullied at school for my weight (looking back I was not fat at all, but you know how callous teen boys can be) which in turn lead me to have serious body image issues. I then began resorting to food for comfort. It was my vice, the only thing that gave me dopamine throughout my days. It became a really unhealthy coping mechanism for me to not only hide my emotions but to detach from reality. I stopped seeing friends, stopped going to school and at its peak I stopped going outside entirely.

I had developed agoraphobia whilst simultaneously fighting a battle with depression & episodes of depersonalisation. This cycle lasted for over 10 months, with multiple zoom therapy calls (because I was too paranoid to go outside), multiple attempts on my life, a heck load of emotional baggage and the pièce de résistance….. 25kg gained

At my heaviest I was 90kg (I’m 5’8).

Something then flipped after I had one of the scariest binges of my life which resulted in me being incredibly sick, I decided I needed to change something (that something being my whole entire mindset, body and soul lol) FULL REBRAND STYLE.

I busted my ass for 8 months, began going outside (even if it was to a tiny post office down the street), doing basic hygiene again, walking on the treadmill consistently. In the beginning, I was so socially anxious I struggled to talk to anyone without my mum present, couldn’t hold eye contact for longer than a millisecond and still had a major fear of being observed by others.

8 months later and life has dramatically changed since then. I’ve lost 24kg all up, I’m confident, have built a new identity for myself and can actually hold a conversation now (by myself 😅). Well that was until 3 weeks ago.. it was three weeks ago to this day that I decided I was at a place emotionally to see my abusive dad (who I went no contact with for those 8 months) for the first time again. I felt ready, what could go wrong right? WELL APPARENTLY A SHITTTTT TON.

To cut a long story short a lot of things re surfaced for me emotionally, not only did one interaction with him make me feel like those 8 months of work meant nothing but worst of all I felt like the old me. Who’d hide in the school bathrooms to escape dickhead school bullies. And just like that I was triggered and now since 3 weeks ago Ive been resorting to the same old coping mechanism younger me did to escape emotional trauma.

I’ve binged consistently for 3 weeks now and have gained 10kg, I’m petrified and I feel myself beginning to become more socially reclusive. I feel so stuck and scared, I have so many dreams I can’t loose all the progress I’ve made. I’ve work too damn hard. I’m so so lost.

I have no idea how to shed this now extra 10kg to get back to 66kg, (I understand water weight definitely plays a key factor) my goal weight it around 60-57kg…

How do I break these patterns ? How do I work through the deeper issues to stop falling back on food ?

If you happened to read this post I want to say thank you, it means the absolute world to me and I’d really appreciate to hear your journey. If you have any advice please feel free to share. Let’s break this toxic cycle together !!! 💛💛💛

Hey everybody, it’s my first post on here and to be honest I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I’m just hoping to find a positive community during this really dark and challenging time.

Over a year ago was when I first began resorting to food for comfort. At the time I was being bullied at school for my weight (looking back I was not fat at all, but you know how callous teen boys can be) which in turn lead me to have serious body image issues. I then began resorting to food for comfort. It was my vice, the only thing that gave me dopamine throughout my days. It became a really unhealthy coping mechanism for me to not only hide my emotions but to detach from reality. I stopped seeing friends, stopped going to school and at its peak I stopped going outside entirely.

I had developed agoraphobia whilst simultaneously fighting a battle with depression & episodes of depersonalisation. This cycle lasted for over 10 months, with multiple zoom therapy calls (because I was too paranoid to go outside), multiple attempts on my life, a heck load of emotional baggage and the pièce de résistance….. 25kg gained

At my heaviest I was 90kg (I’m 5’8).

Something then flipped after I had one of the scariest binges of my life which resulted in me being incredibly sick, I decided I needed to change something (that something being my whole entire mindset, body and soul lol) FULL REBRAND STYLE.

I busted my ass for 8 months, began going outside (even if it was to a tiny post office down the street), doing basic hygiene again, walking on the treadmill consistently. In the beginning, I was so socially anxious I struggled to talk to anyone without my mum present, couldn’t hold eye contact for longer than a millisecond and still had a major fear of being observed by others.

8 months later and life has dramatically changed since then. I’ve lost 24kg all up, I’m confident, have built a new identity for myself and can actually hold a conversation now (by myself 😅). Well that was until 3 weeks ago.. it was three weeks ago to this day that I decided I was at a place emotionally to see my abusive dad (who I went no contact with for those 8 months) for the first time again. I felt ready, what could go wrong right? WELL APPARENTLY A SHITTTTT TON.

To cut a long story short a lot of things re surfaced for me emotionally, not only did one interaction with him make me feel like those 8 months of work meant nothing but worst of all I felt like the old me. Who’d hide in the school bathrooms to escape dickhead school bullies. And just like that I was triggered and now since 3 weeks ago Ive been resorting to the same old coping mechanism younger me did to escape emotional trauma.

I’ve binged consistently for 3 weeks now and have gained 10kg, I’m petrified and I feel myself beginning to become more socially reclusive. I feel so stuck and scared, I have so many dreams I can’t loose all the progress I’ve made. I’ve work too damn hard. I’m so so lost.

How do I break these patterns ? How do I work through the deeper issues to stop falling back on food ?

If you happened to read this post I want to say thank you, it means the absolute world to me and I’d really appreciate to hear your journey. If you have any advice please feel free to share. Let’s break this toxic cycle together !!! 💛💛💛

Hey everybody, it’s my first post on here and to be honest I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I’m just hoping to find a positive community during this really dark and challenging time.

Over a year ago was when I first began resorting to food for comfort. At the time I was being bullied at school for my weight (looking back I was not fat at all, but you know how callous teen boys can be) which in turn lead me to have serious body image issues. I then began resorting to food for comfort. It was my vice, the only thing that gave me dopamine throughout my days. It became a really unhealthy coping mechanism for me to not only hide my emotions but to detach from reality. I stopped seeing friends, stopped going to school and at its peak I stopped going outside entirely.

I had developed agoraphobia whilst simultaneously fighting a battle with depression & episodes of depersonalisation. This cycle lasted for over 10 months, with multiple zoom therapy calls (because I was too paranoid to go outside), multiple attempts on my life, a heck load of emotional baggage and the pièce de résistance….. 25kg gained

At my heaviest I was 90kg (I’m 5’8).

Something then flipped after I had one of the scariest binges of my life which resulted in me being incredibly sick, I decided I needed to change something (that something being my whole entire mindset, body and soul lol) FULL REBRAND STYLE.

I busted my ass for 8 months, began going outside (even if it was to a tiny post office down the street), doing basic hygiene again, walking on the treadmill consistently. In the beginning, I was so socially anxious I struggled to talk to anyone without my mum present, couldn’t hold eye contact for longer than a millisecond and still had a major fear of being observed by others.

8 months later and life has dramatically changed since then. I’ve lost 24kg all up, I’m confident, have built a new identity for myself and can actually hold a conversation now (by myself 😅). Well that was until 3 weeks ago.. it was three weeks ago to this day that I decided I was at a place emotionally to see my abusive dad (who I went no contact with for those 8 months) for the first time again. I felt ready, what could go wrong right? WELL APPARENTLY A SHITTTTT TON.

To cut a long story short a lot of things re surfaced for me emotionally, not only did one interaction with him make me feel like those 8 months of work meant nothing but worst of all I felt like the old me. Who’d hide in the school bathrooms to escape dickhead school bullies. And just like that I was triggered and now since 3 weeks ago Ive been resorting to the same old coping mechanism younger me did to escape emotional trauma.

I’ve binged consistently for 3 weeks now and have gained 10kg, I’m petrified and I feel myself beginning to become more socially reclusive. I feel so stuck and scared, I have so many dreams I can’t loose all the progress I’ve made. I’ve work too damn hard. I’m so so lost.

How do I break these patterns ? How do I work through the deeper issues to stop falling back on food ?

If you happened to read this post I want to say thank you, it means the absolute world to me and I’d really appreciate to hear your journey. If you have any advice please feel free to share. Let’s break this toxic cycle together !!! 💛💛💛