u/UnusualWoodpecker

Not sure if this is allowed here, please let me know if not and I’ll move it elsewhere. My boyfriend recently started ERP therapy because he has really severe OCD symptoms (and ADHD) and rumination. He isn’t formally diagnosed because he refuses to be honest with his psychiatrist about symptoms since he doesnt want his ADHD meds changed, but I am a physician myself and though I usually avoid “diagnosing” people I know, I can confidently say he meets criteria for textbook OCD. Despite lying to psych, he is still actively trying to get help through ERP and treatment.

Over the past year it’s gotten progressively worse, especially at night. He can get stuck in loops for hours and becomes extremely distressed/agitated.

Recently it escalated to punching walls during episodes, and last night he punched a hole in my apartment wall. I genuinely do not think he wants to hurt me or is abusive, and afterward he’s usually very ashamed/upset about it. But I’m becoming really anxious and hypervigilant because the episodes feel unpredictable and they keep escalating.

My sleep has been affected, I dread nighttime sometimes, and I’m scared of getting accidentally hurt during one of these episodes even if he would never intentionally hurt me.

I’m feeling really conflicted because I know this is coming from OCD and distress, but I’m struggling too. I guess I’m looking for perspective from people with OCD or partners of people with OCD:

- Have you seen rumination/compulsions escalate like this? Did they continue to escalate?
- Did ERP actually help over time?
- How do you support someone while still maintaining boundaries?

I feel really alone in this.