u/Unusual_Potato_5717

I had a tumultuous childhood, my mum (F52) was only 18 when she met my dad who at the time was 32 years old, they met at her boyfriend’s funeral after he died in her arms after a car accident. Not the strongest foundations for a family. I’ve always harboured some negative thoughts towards my dad because of how he took advantage of my mum in her vulnerable state as a teenager. However I have worked hard to maintain relationships as I don’t have a lot of family and they have put the effort in to have a relationship with me.

My relationship with my dad was pretty up and down, we had very differing opinions on women in the world and we had a lot of arguments but I felt like he respected how I have always been a strong woman, he raised me to be that way after all. He moves to the other side of the world for a marriage when I was 19 and we fell off a bit. I moved to that country for a few years and really worked on rebuilding our relationship. I’m now back in my home country away from him and my mum has dropped some bombs about him.

She told me that when I was about 4/5 years old, my dad was arrested for publicly masturbating over a woman in her front garden from his car. She told me he enforced “conjugal rights“ with her and it was often non consensuaL. She told me more details about their meeting and how he coerced her into a relationship and it’s frankly disgraceful. This is everything I despise about the world. I have always accepted that he’s just a little misogynistic and that maybe our arguments did a little good in convincing him of certain things. I had no idea the level of his depravity, that he is actually a straight up sex offender.

I have had my faith in men a little bit more squashed and it’s affecting me pretty deeply. I think about the woman who was violated by him and how she probably wasn’t the only one, how they have we traumatised by this man who I call my dad.

I don’t know where to go from here, he’s a bit of a sad lonely old man at this point and to be honest it seems like maybe that’s what he deserves. But I am struggling to push down the part of me that cares about my dad and it hurts thinking about what he will feel when/if I were to confront him or cut him off over it. Has anyone experienced anything like this and can perhaps offer some insight or advice?

TL:DR Found out my dad is somewhat of a sexual predator, not sure how to go about it.

My partner (M31) and I (F28) are currently living in my home country on the other side of the world from his. I met him when I was on a visa in his country and he agreed to come to mine. I got pregnant before we moved and decided on a termination because life was so unstable at that time. It was hard on both of us and we agreed we would never do it again. Now here we are and I fell pregnant again. This is something we talked about all the time that we wanted. We instantly were on the boat of keeping it as we knew termination wasn’t an option again. I was excited the first couple of weeks but after telling my mum and getting a bit of a reality check - both of us working casual jobs, living in my mums house, my partner on a visa - we talked more about it and about how much we will be losing out on. We still wanted to do a lot in our relationship, we aren’t married etc. I now feel completely dissociated from this and I do not want the pregnancy at all. My partner however has come to terms with it and wants to continue. I just have no idea what to do and feel so lost.

I just don’t know what to do, I felt such regret and shame for such a long time about the first termination and I know it’ll be even worse if I went through with it again. I just don’t know.