u/Upbeat_Appeal_256

I have been an absolute wreck my entire life. People do not like me, I am hated. I am terrified about what is inside of me. I started facing myself a few years ago, I was deep into denial and other cognitive distortions so I had no idea how bad I actually was. I was a sick maniac. I have been deeply disturbing to those around me.

I have just had a panic attack. I need help but I am petrified of what anyone would think if I start sharing what's inside of me driving my behaviours.

My core feels worthless. My core self is strange.

I find myself in a nasty bind. I feel alot of anger and resentment. I'm learning lessons on how to avoid my current situation, but my pride has taken a hit.

I am confused. I've done and said bad things. I don't know whether I am the villain. My behaviour was influenced by the conditions of my past, I see a vague reason why I acted the way I did but I struggle to verbalise it.

I feel exposed and powerless. I want to take back control, but I don't know how.