u/Upbeat_Potential_818

Everything in this worthless life is something I can’t truly control. I cannot stand living this horrendous life. The environment specially: a group of people made their goals to make me have low self esteem and they won I mean what could I do? I hate how society treats subjectively bad ( including me) looking people because of their looks and how women and other people use them for jokes as like they are not humans to. I am never going to achieve love as nobody understand me, nobody loves me, nobody is like me, etc. I cannot hold a conversation with a person because everything feels force. I hate living this life as I keep feeling this feeling of sehnsucht when I know my life will never be happy. In my life there is no color, no sound, or emotion. everything is grey and numb like everything just feels like a void like I am a empty vessel. Nothing makes me go around and say “such a beauty” in my life, never as I always force myself to say that. I went in vacation and I was there forcing myself to be happy when I was truly miserable. I hate the personality I have, the way I talk, I hate the way I look, I hate what I think, I hate everything that I have. There is no beauty in my life and I am born in this fucking miserable character and his thoughts. I feel I am not living life but just watching it. I never had a good life ever. I always though life had experiences enough to make a movie out of but no it’s just a boring void your force to live in. I don’t like the life I have so I will give it back. I use to expect life to be meaningful with beauty but no it’s a lie. Life it’s just a routine with nothing out of the ordinary. Life is grey and evil in this environment. I am stuck in this fucking boring ordinary life at best. Sometimes I ask my mother why would she even have me on the first place.

Sorry but this question is very cliche but many people suggest that Allah comes from a polytheistic mythology in Mecca which he was later transform into a abrahamic monothestic god. please can somebody confirm?

I found out because of esoterica ( great YouTuber btw) and scholars claiming that Yahweh comes from caananite and he was part of a Israel polytheistic pantheon. I seen apologists argue that no that is not true but you can see the bias. Can someone please confrim.

I remember in my lowest moments I went crying thinking of how pathetic my life is compare to other people life and how boring and mediocre it feels and how I want it to be. Like there is a bigger pain then nostalgia and it’s the pain of not remembering the good times. I want to have a ethereal like and live it to the max but damn just look at your self you little piece of shit. God I want to die but the people around me makes me think of not dying because I be wasting the time and ”love” actual good people I know give to me just go in waste. I guess I am not like those people who overcome it on the books.