u/Upset-Confusion6873

I was an alcoholic for 9 years straight. Towards the end, I was blacking out a lot (almost every time I was drinking). I have been a month sober now, but I have noticed myself struggling a lot more now. Keep in mind I was not taking any ADHD medication due to the fact that I knew I was a heavy drinker.

I thought by now I would feel more clarity but instead feel like my mind is racing literally all day. I talk to myself a lot in my head and go through so many topics and thoughts in my head. I feel crazy in my head and can’t afford therapy at the moment, so no medication now. I have been finding it more difficult to focus at work or on anything. I have an office job & before I was able to multitask & execute my projects with ease. It’s not like I was drunk at work or anything but I can’t do any task now besides be on my phone. Do you think the alcohol was suppressing something in my brain that was holding back some ADHD symptoms?

I personally did not grow up with the greatest family and am not close to my family at all, but I do understand healthy family dynamics. My partner’s parents are nice, but some times feel like a burden. His parents moved 6 hours away, so I get that they may miss my partner, but my MIL is kind of annoying because she’s obsessed with her boys (my partner & his brother - both grown men). She literally wants to come visit every other month & they usually stay at our house for 1-2 weeks at a time. In 2025, I totaled their visits to about 2 whole months. I feel like that’s kind of a lot? I want to just live my life with my partner. Not spend a few weeks together then have to stress about his parents coming over.

On top of that, my partner is not one to put his foot down towards his mom. I feel like she totally guilt trips him about why she has to come. It’s always something with her. Sometimes we even get into arguments over this - which is never fun. In my head I see it as they moved away, so why do we have to host them each time. Last year my birthday landed on Thanksgiving and she even pressured us into spending Thanksgiving with them. I 100% did not want to spend my birthday with them & wanted to plan a vacation getaway. I was so upset with my partner that he gave in to her & not me. Now she wants to come visit next week (literally told us this today) and expects my partner to go visit them in 4 weeks. Is this a normal amount for families to see each other? I feel like it’s excessive and the cord needs to be cut.

I have relapsed from drinking and have lost myself again. I am 3 days sober again now today, but I feel terrible and am filled with shame and regret. I don’t want to continue down this cycle. I’ve ruined my life already before & cannot go down this path again. I need hope. Please pray for me.