My stepdad works at Eton, a suits company, this morning i got to take the bus there and choose a shirt and tie. Im not the biggest guy maybe, but i managed to fix the sizing a bit with some safety pins, the sleeves and length of the shirt. I feel very handsome actually. 16!! I am very happy. Okay, thank you, i just wanted to share :)
Have a nice day, dudes!
Before and after, im happy!! I feel like i dont even look THAT much like a lesbian!
Its awesome, dude, its so comfy.
ALSO, i went to a hardcore gig yesterday as my sister is in a band, (ceaseless, its the band on my shirt) and its my first gig, i went with friends and i am genuinely so full of joy, i dont think i have ever felt so included or part of something and i made more friends. Ive never met some of these people before but im happier with them than in like any other friendship ive been in. And most people were queer in one way or another so everyone i met were respectful like that and it was so euphoric. I got to (consensually) fight someone and now were very good friends. I am so happy.
Okay, thank you for your time. :)
I had PE today, i hang out with a few guys in my class, i kinda follow them around mostly because i like them and theyre the closest thing to friends that i actually want to hang out with that i have. Theyre kind sometimes ish, theyre funny and rarely actually mean, they joke about a lot of stuff, but i enjoy their humour and company in general. They say theyre very right leaning but i cant tell if theyre serious or joking because theyre friends with basically everyone no matter race and stuff.
We have PE outside as the weather is getting warmer and we were walking back to school from a lesson, they were carrying the baseballbats to bring back and i was walking with them. Im short, im left leaning and im trans. One of them decided to comment on that, "Totte (me) is pretty short and we have baseball bats", so i asked if i was gonna get murdered, i told him id push him in front of a car if he attacked, joking obviously, so he told me hed just steal the car instead, then he organised this whole plan of how one of the other dudes would hit me with the baseball bat in the head, we would all go to different locations to do different things, i think dismembering me was mentioned, kicking, drowning and using me as fuel to cook food. A lot of stuff. Throwing me out a window as well.
Uhh, yeah, i kinda joked with them because i dont know what else to do, nothing happened, we all got back to school safely and im at home.
I mentioned suicidal thoughts to them a while ago, like a year or two, because i was desperate for someone to ask how i was doing but no one ever did so i just kinda said it, and they just asked why i didnt do it, so like, they didnt really care which makes it a bit scary because what if they really wouldnt care, what if they actually do want me dead?
I like these guys, theyre usually fun and all, its not even the first time this guy "plans" on killing me, but nothing happened the first time and nothing happened this time.
One of them asked if i had done anything bad in my life and the first guy said that "being trans isnt bad in this context" with a very obvious implication that me being trans is bad otherwise. And honestly that kind of almost hurt more than the whole murder plan. Because theyre probably kidding about the murder, but not me being trans. But he did try to use my correct pronouns as best as he could, he corrected himself when he accidentally misgendered me.
I just want to be part of something.
I dont like being trans more than he likes me being trans, I DONT LIKE ME MORE THAN HE LIKES ME AND HE JUST MADE A PLAN TO MURDER ME.
Im pretty sure it was all a joke but im sad.
TLDR; closest thing ive had to friends in my class "jokingly" planned out a whole scheme to murder me because of my politics and now im sad.
Thank you for your time. I dont really want to do anything about it, just a few weeks until im leaving this school, i really just want to be part of something until then. I just wanted to talk to someone. Thank you.
UPDATE: i told my mum, i texted her and she responded that i had in fact joked back and this guy just likes being over the top so im not in danger and its fine. Yay? I dont really like how chill she was with someone telling me their plan to kill me, but ok
Yay, im proud. Im going to sleep now because its 1:41am, so good night :)
I dont know if im planning on it, but like, i bind with muscle tape, nothing special, you know?
But like what if for the summerbreak the class goes swimming??? Would it be accepted to walk around without a shirt if i tape?
When we go on walks and stuff for PE i usually walk with this group of guys and when its warm out they take their shirts off and im jealous, i want to do that tooooo!!
So, would it be socially acceptable to take my shirt off with tape?